Am I over-reacting?
Am I over-reacting and making a mountian out of a molehill, or is this something to genuinley be concerned about?
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
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Original post by AB25
Am I over-reacting and making a mountian out of a molehill, or is this something to genuinley be concerned about?
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
Does he know he is going over his limit. Tell him you think he should ease off. Or you could show him what it will be doing to his insides.
It's up to you, but if you think its having an impact upon his health, I would enforce it.
I think it's a little of both. It does sound like he drinks a little excessively. If me and my boyfriend go out for lunch (which is very rarely due to our work patterns), we'll often have a pint or something but the lunch thing is very rare anyway. Most of the time we'd have a Coke or something.
I think it's worth mentioning in a very careful way. It may well be a tricky subject and he might take your concern as judgement.
I'm surprised you remembered every single drink that he had on a night out - I have no idea half of what my boyfriend drinks on a night out because I'm too busy having fun with him/friends/music/etc. I think maybe try to be a bit more open minded with him drinking on nights out. I know a lot of people older than him (I'm the same age as your boyfriend) who are much worse. I know that's not the point, but I don't think your boyfriend's drinking on a night out is *tooo* bad.
But yeah, I'd say it'd be worth having a careful chat with him, it does sound like he may be overdoing it a little.
I think it's worth mentioning in a very careful way. It may well be a tricky subject and he might take your concern as judgement.
I'm surprised you remembered every single drink that he had on a night out - I have no idea half of what my boyfriend drinks on a night out because I'm too busy having fun with him/friends/music/etc. I think maybe try to be a bit more open minded with him drinking on nights out. I know a lot of people older than him (I'm the same age as your boyfriend) who are much worse. I know that's not the point, but I don't think your boyfriend's drinking on a night out is *tooo* bad.
But yeah, I'd say it'd be worth having a careful chat with him, it does sound like he may be overdoing it a little.
Original post by AB25
Am I over-reacting and making a mountian out of a molehill, or is this something to genuinley be concerned about?
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
The thing is, I think my boyfriend drinks a bit too much. He's not an alcoholic or anything, but I still think he goes over his weekly limit pretty much every week. I understand that different people have different opinions on drinking, don't mean to offend anyone by writing any of this.
We'll be out for lunch, and he'll have a pint or two. He'll then suggest we have a cocktail each. Fine, I like a cocktail. But this is pretty regularly, and its lunch time not dinner. He will do this, but suggest stronger drinks, at dinner time too. Its nearly ever time we eat out.
He'll often go out to the pub with his friends, like twice a week or more, and have at least 3 pints at this time. It all adds up. Then, perhaps on the same day, he'll have them round for 'some beers' i don't know how many 'some' is, but when i phone him he actually sounds drunk on these occasions.
On a proper night out, he'll consume a lot. Example, last week he consumed:
2 bottles of bulmers, a couple of carlsbergs, a whisky, a whisky mixed with vodka and cranberry, 2 cranberry amarettos, a guinness, a cobra beer, a shot of apple sourz, about 3 more bottles of beer and a cranberry vodka. He drinks this much on any night out.
I know he's hardly drinking his sorrows away, but the figures show that drinking over your weekly limit can have detramental effects to your health. I don't like who he becomes when drinking anyway. Call me neurotic, controlling or whatever, but i'm genuinley concerned, so some genuine opinions would be valued.
p.s- he's not a student, he's not some stupid 18-year-old either, he's 22.
To be honest, he'll probably not listen to you, but if you're genuinely concerned then maybe you should mention it in passing and see what happens. Also, from the sound of it... drinking when you're out with him, when you feel it's an inappropriate time is sending out that you think it's okay. If you think it's too early to have a drink, DON'T!
Original post by Lscott22
It's up to you, but if you think its having an impact upon his health, I would enforce it.
Why?
Original post by Iron Lady
Why?
What a dumb question
Original post by Stanners95
To be honest, he'll probably not listen to you, but if you're genuinely concerned then maybe you should mention it in passing and see what happens. Also, from the sound of it... drinking when you're out with him, when you feel it's an inappropriate time is sending out that you think it's okay. If you think it's too early to have a drink, DON'T!
That's the thing, i usually don't drink with him on lunches. Occasionally i will join him with the cocktail, or something with dinner, but usually he just drinks by himself and i have a sprite or coke :/ i don't want to offend him or come across as controlling or a complete know-it-all. I can't control his life just cos i happen to be his girlfriend. At the same time, i care about him so much, because we are together
Original post by AB25
That's the thing, i usually don't drink with him on lunches. Occasionally i will join him with the cocktail, or something with dinner, but usually he just drinks by himself and i have a sprite or coke :/ i don't want to offend him or come across as controlling or a complete know-it-all. I can't control his life just cos i happen to be his girlfriend. At the same time, i care about him so much, because we are together
Well then have a chat with him, but make sure you pitch it so you don't come across as a control freak. You can't blame him so much on a night out, but maybe try and get him to cut down on the X amount of beers he has every lunchtime/dinner. It's a small inroad, but should go some way to easing your fears of what it is doing to his health.
Original post by Iron Lady
Why?
If you felt that someone you loved was harming themselves and had little idea of what they were doing wouldn't you tell them?
Or would you ignore it and allow them to continue damaging their organs?
Original post by C-Dawg
What a dumb question
Sometimes I wonder...
over reacting.
What he drank on that night out you mentioned isnt really excessive for an actual night out. it's quite normal for me to go over my weekly limit in one night but no one thinks i have a problem with drinking.
What he drank on that night out you mentioned isnt really excessive for an actual night out. it's quite normal for me to go over my weekly limit in one night but no one thinks i have a problem with drinking.
Original post by blue n white army
over reacting.
What he drank on that night out you mentioned isnt really excessive for an actual night out. it's quite normal for me to go over my weekly limit in one night but no one thinks i have a problem with drinking.
What he drank on that night out you mentioned isnt really excessive for an actual night out. it's quite normal for me to go over my weekly limit in one night but no one thinks i have a problem with drinking.
But why should she have to "enforce it", when it's not her body or choice to drink?
Original post by Iron Lady
But why should she have to "enforce it", when it's not her body or choice to drink?
i dont get your point.
Original post by blue n white army
i dont get your point.
He makes the choice to drink. If she doesn't like alcohol, she doesn't have to drink it, but I don't think it's fair that because she doesn't like it or his intake she should dictate to him and use reasons like "his health". If for example he became abusive towards her, then it's reasonable to say "you either cut your intake when you're around me, or I'm ending the relationship". But it's his health, not hers, so if he wants to ruin it, let him. People should take responsibility for the consequences of things like overeating or over drinking, without someone telling them to cut it down because of his "health".
Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you in the first instance
(edited 11 years ago)
Sorry, I've been quoting the wrong people.
Copied and pasted the post I made to the wrong person:
He makes the choice to drink. If she doesn't like alcohol, she doesn't have to drink it, but I don't think it's fair that because she doesn't like it or his intake she should dictate to him and use reasons like "his health". If for example he became abusive towards her, then it's reasonable to say "you either cut your intake when you're around me, or I'm ending the relationship". But it's his health, not hers, so if he wants to ruin it, let him. People should take responsibility for the consequences of things like overeating or over drinking, without someone telling them to cut it down because of his "health".
I honestly doubt that any sane person wouldn't be aware of drinking too much will damage their organs. It's their responsibility to clean their act up. If they insisted on my help, I'd happily oblige, but I think it's patronising to jump the gun and say I'm worried about your health, when they probably already know or I'm stating the obvious. I don't think anyone is that oblivious. I'd only intervene if their drinking affected me: i.e. change of personality for the worse or they were abusive and violent.
Original post by C-Dawg
What a dumb question
Original post by Lscott22
If you felt that someone you loved was harming themselves and had little idea of what they were doing wouldn't you tell them?
Or would you ignore it and allow them to continue damaging their organs?
Or would you ignore it and allow them to continue damaging their organs?
Copied and pasted the post I made to the wrong person:
He makes the choice to drink. If she doesn't like alcohol, she doesn't have to drink it, but I don't think it's fair that because she doesn't like it or his intake she should dictate to him and use reasons like "his health". If for example he became abusive towards her, then it's reasonable to say "you either cut your intake when you're around me, or I'm ending the relationship". But it's his health, not hers, so if he wants to ruin it, let him. People should take responsibility for the consequences of things like overeating or over drinking, without someone telling them to cut it down because of his "health".
I honestly doubt that any sane person wouldn't be aware of drinking too much will damage their organs. It's their responsibility to clean their act up. If they insisted on my help, I'd happily oblige, but I think it's patronising to jump the gun and say I'm worried about your health, when they probably already know or I'm stating the obvious. I don't think anyone is that oblivious. I'd only intervene if their drinking affected me: i.e. change of personality for the worse or they were abusive and violent.
Original post by Iron Lady
He makes the choice to drink. If she doesn't like alcohol, she doesn't have to drink it, but I don't think it's fair that because she doesn't like it or his intake she should dictate to him and use reasons like "his health". If for example he became abusive towards her, then it's reasonable to say "you either cut your intake when you're around me, or I'm ending the relationship". But it's his health, not hers, so if he wants to ruin it, let him. People should take responsibility for the consequences of things like overeating or over drinking, without someone telling them to cut it down because of his "health".
Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you in the first instance
Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you in the first instance
I think as a partner you have a responsibility to make your OH aware of health risks that they are exposing themself to. Of course you shouldn't call your girlfriend fat when she puts on 4lb over 3 years, or tell your boyfriend not to smoke once a week when he goes out with friends, but it's perfectly reasonable, and actually rather sensible, to tell your OH if they are regularly exceeding the recommended maximum alcohol intake, in the same way it's sensible to tell them the risks involved if they are obese, or a drug addict or a regular smoker.
I don't think it's a case of "dictating to someone" what they should do, more of making them aware of the risks and aware that it upsets you, then it is up to them how they proceed. And if it is a case of "the alocohol goes or I go", it's only fair to give them a chance to change rather than leaving straight away.
Original post by Iron Lady
He makes the choice to drink. If she doesn't like alcohol, she doesn't have to drink it, but I don't think it's fair that because she doesn't like it or his intake she should dictate to him and use reasons like "his health". If for example he became abusive towards her, then it's reasonable to say "you either cut your intake when you're around me, or I'm ending the relationship". But it's his health, not hers, so if he wants to ruin it, let him. People should take responsibility for the consequences of things like overeating or over drinking, without someone telling them to cut it down because of his "health".
Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you in the first instance
Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you in the first instance
ah got ya.
I thought we were making similar points n then got confused :P
Original post by blue n white army
ah got ya.
I thought we were making similar points n then got confused :P
I thought we were making similar points n then got confused :P
I'm not on full form this morning, forgive me!
Original post by Katie_p
I think as a partner you have a responsibility to make your OH aware of health risks that they are exposing themself to. Of course you shouldn't call your girlfriend fat when she puts on 4lb over 3 years, or tell your boyfriend not to smoke once a week when he goes out with friends, but it's perfectly reasonable, and actually rather sensible, to tell your OH if they are regularly exceeding the recommended maximum alcohol intake, in the same way it's sensible to tell them the risks involved if they are obese, or a drug addict or a regular smoker.
I don't think it's a case of "dictating to someone" what they should do, more of making them aware of the risks and aware that it upsets you, then it is up to them how they proceed. And if it is a case of "the alocohol goes or I go", it's only fair to give them a chance to change rather than leaving straight away.
I don't think it's a case of "dictating to someone" what they should do, more of making them aware of the risks and aware that it upsets you, then it is up to them how they proceed. And if it is a case of "the alocohol goes or I go", it's only fair to give them a chance to change rather than leaving straight away.
Responsibility to protect if they are unable of the consequences (but I doubt anyone is unaware of the negative side effects of smoking, drinking or overeating) and responsibility to help if they ask for it. In my view.
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