The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

We saw each other pretty much every day during term time in first year, so I even found the transition to just seeing each other every other day because we lived further apart & had more work to do difficult and we argued a lot then too. I think (I hope) he appreciates seeing me more now that it's not every day though. It's definitely made me more appreciative. Does he live in the place where you went to uni?

Thank you, I still have the odd bad day but I'm definitely much better than I was I think that was what I was doing when I was really depressed and anxious, and it might even have made that worse to be honest. He still makes me happier than anything else can, but I've realised that I can still find happiness in other things too. Of course if I do feel down or anxious I miss him more because I just want him to be physically there to comfort me but that's not practically all of the time like it was before. I definitely get edgy if I don't know for sure when I'm next going to see him though, I really hate uncertainty.

Yeah, he'll be graduating from his undergrad degree and he's not sure if he wants to do further study at the minute, because he's a bit fed up of it (which I can totally understand haha). Even if he does, he might not stay at the uni we're at now. I've talked to him about it and he says at the minute he really doesn't know what he's going to do yet but he wants us to stay together whatever happens. We've discussed the possibility of living together after uni and have both said it's something we'd be perfectly happy to do, but we haven't made any definite plans yet because you never know what's going to happen.

Awww, that's really sweet! Congratulations in advance then I haven't even thought about marriage apart from in a "maybe in the future if we stay together and it's the right time for it to happen" kind of way, I don't think my boyfriend has at all. It is my first ever relationship and his first 'proper' relationship though so a lot of this is new to both of us. Sometimes I do feel a bit worried purely because everyone always says that first relationships are never forever because you don't know what it's like to be with anyone else, and I'm not naïve enough to be sure that this is it because I've seen plenty of people think that about their relationships only for them to end and the person to be absolutely devastated, but if I carry on feeling the way I do then I wouldn't mind if this one was the only relationship I'm ever going to have.

September starts my first year at uni, I'm going to Edinburgh and my boyfriend is going to Glasgow. We've been together for 2 years. The reason I'm asking advice is because originally when I got my offers in it was between Edinburgh Uni and a not-so-prestigious uni near Glasgow. For a long time I was considering the uni near home but I just couldn't pass up Edinburgh. At first he said that if I go to Edinburgh then we would stop going out, and then he said that if I moved instead of travelling 3hrs each way then we'd stop going out. Finally I managed to get him to a place where he says if it works out then it works out. I move on the 7th of September and I'm worried that I'm doing the right thing. I don't want my uni experience to be ruined by missing out on things if I go home at the weekends to see him but I love him and I honestly wouldn't know how to function without him. Would it be better for us to call it quits now or just wait and see what happens?

Hi there,

I'm pretty much in the same situation as everyone else here, and I haven't a clue what to do!
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, and it feels like forever. We met in high school, and we ended up going to different colleges. He has applied for an apprenticeship and he will end up living away in Coventry, and hopefully I will be away at University somewhere. The distance and our work load is going to be dreadful and I don't know how we are going to cope. We have separated once before because of the pressure of the distance, and i'm scared it'll happen again. I really can't live without him, and I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm seriously unhappy with relationship and after some thought I realize I have been for the better part of a year. Don't know what to do as I'm meant to be moving and starting Uni in less than a month in same city as him. Please help!!!!!!!




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I just wanted to say that after a year and a half of living 3 hours away from each other and weekends spent travelling up and down the M6 to see each other my boyfriend and I have just moved into a great apartment together and are happier than ever. LDRs are bloody hard work but it's worth it, they do have happy endings.

I need some advice/reassurance..

I am currently in a LDR with my boyfriend of 7 months and we live 5 hours apart (in terms of time differences). He's been going out every other day with his best friend and best friend's girlfriend. A month ago, best friend's girlfriend's friend (okay I know it's confusing but bear with me) started joining them so it became a 4 man group. I was fine with him going out with them. According to him, the friend of the girlfriend might like him and I would jokingly tease him that he can leave me for her if he wants to and he reassures me that he won't cheat on me.

We had a massive argument yesterday nearly resulting in us breaking up. We are fine now but when I was talking to him this morning, he mentioned that the friend called him yesterday when I went to bed (I'm 5 hours ahead) and asks if everything's alright. I might be a little paranoid here but if someone, especially a girl calls you on the same day asking if you're alright after a major argument, she is up to something isn't it? What made me more suspicious is that he's going out with that same group of friends again the next day, so if she wants to know if he's alright, she could have just ask him the very next day (today).

He keeps reassuring me that he won't cheat on me and he loves me but I still can't help being jealous coz he sees her every other day while I've not seen him in months. Apparently she is always extra nice to him but he thinks that she is just being courteous.

Also, when we had our argument yesterday, he was out with his friends so they knew we were fighting. His friends said to him that I'm trying to control him by buying him stuff (I bought him a gaming mouse and t-shirts). That really hurt me because the reason why I bought those for him is because I think of him all the time and when I go out and see something I know he'll like I buy it for him. As for the gaming mouse, it is much cheaper to buy it here in Asia compared to Britain (about £10 cheaper). His friends hate me now because they think I'm a controlling shallow bitch when everything I did for him was out of love.

I know we made up now, but what he said yesterday still hurts. I do admit I have quite a temper and I can get offended quite easily by simple things but I am really hurt that he thinks I'm trying to blackmail him by buying him stuff. I am trying to change by being less jealous/possessive. He is my first ever relationship and I just got too attached to him...

I need some advice/reassurance..

I am currently in a LDR with my boyfriend of 7 months and we live 5 hours apart (in terms of time differences). He's been going out every other day with his best friend and best friend's girlfriend. A month ago, best friend's girlfriend's friend (okay I know it's confusing but bear with me) started joining them so it became a 4 man group. I was fine with him going out with them. According to him, the friend of the girlfriend might like him and I would jokingly tease him that he can leave me for her if he wants to and he reassures me that he won't cheat on me.

We had a massive argument yesterday nearly resulting in us breaking up. We are fine now but when I was talking to him this morning, he mentioned that the friend called him yesterday when I went to bed (I'm 5 hours ahead) and asks if everything's alright. I might be a little paranoid here but if someone, especially a girl calls you on the same day asking if you're alright after a major argument, she is up to something isn't it? What made me more suspicious is that he's going out with that same group of friends again the next day, so if she wants to know if he's alright, she could have just ask him the very next day (today).

He keeps reassuring me that he won't cheat on me and he loves me but I still can't help being jealous coz he sees her every other day while I've not seen him in months. Apparently she is always extra nice to him but he thinks that she is just being courteous.

Also, when we had our argument yesterday, he was out with his friends so they knew we were fighting. His friends said to him that I'm trying to control him by buying him stuff (I bought him a gaming mouse and t-shirts). That really hurt me because the reason why I bought those for him is because I think of him all the time and when I go out and see something I know he'll like I buy it for him. As for the gaming mouse, it is much cheaper to buy it here in Asia compared to Britain (about £10 cheaper). His friends hate me now because they think I'm a controlling shallow bitch when everything I did for him was out of love.

I know we made up now, but what he said yesterday still hurts. I do admit I have quite a temper and I can get offended quite easily by simple things but I am really hurt that he thinks I'm trying to blackmail him by buying him stuff. I am trying to change by being less jealous/possessive. He is my first ever relationship and I just got too attached to him...

I'm seriously unhappy with relationship and after some thought I realize I have been for the better part of a year. Don't know what to do as I'm meant to be moving and starting Uni in less than a month in same city as him. Please help!!!!!!!




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I think you just need to appreciate that a relationship is between 2 people. Not 2 people and some of their friends as is so often the case.

You really can largely ignore every nice girl he will meet and almost everything his friends may or may not say. What matters is that you can trust him to be honest and faithful, and that you are both in love. There is no need to drive yourself insane over everything that may or may not happen to him.

So long as he knows the reason for your presents, he knows your thoughts on this and he knows that cheating would be wrong then you have done almost everything you can. If he decides to act against your wishes or your intentions - then that is his shortcoming and not yours (and you can say good riddance) to someone who is not deserving of you. But open communication is crucial so that you always give the relationship its best chance.

Another piece of advice is maybe to just come very clean and be empathetic about his position. Explain to him that you understand that it is a tough position to have your friends and your girlfriend on opposite sides with him caught in-between. Likewise you are glad that although LDRs are difficult that he is doing his best. Most of the time positive encouragement and a sense of camaraderie (being in this tough position together) can help to bring out the best in the relationship.

The thing about the friend is, there's really little you can do about the jealously (which is pretty natural when she sees him so much more than you!) Just keep in regular contact so you feel involved in his life. Also, the controlling comments are from his friends, not him, so just ignore that altogether - he doesn't think it!

That's such a horrible realisation what exactly are you unhappy with?


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I feel like its always about him, when I am angry with him I end up having to console him bc he is upset that I am angry. Is this all just immaturity???

It's the same with mine. Whenever I get angry or upset with him he always manage to turn things around and make it seem like it's my fault for throwing a temper tantrum and in the end I have to apologise. I think men just like to think that they're always right. I find the best way to get your frustrations to him is by telling him calmly even if you're angry. When you get angry, they just think you're throwing a hissy fit over small matters - well at least mine does.

I think you're right. Mines always saying shouting will get me nowhere and I should be calm even when I'm angry. Wait, what???? So there are rules to being angry? I'm so fed up with it tbh. Why should I have to be sorry for being upset at something he has done to me?


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