How to know when you are ready to move on?

Hi

As the post title suggests, I'm looking for advice.

For context, I am male, and 19 and I am Demiromantic.

Around 3 months ago, my partner and I split up. We were in a LDR and were together for 18 months. She could not handle the distance anymore and it has come to light that she never really intended for us to meet up. It was incredibly difficult on me for a while, she was my first love and my first relationship. Nonetheless, I am glad we split up, I can't be in a relationship where we will never meet. I could go into a lot more detail here, but I'll save you all from that mess.

I am a very shy person and I find social settings difficult. I have realised in the last year that I likely have both anxiety and Autism, but I have not had the opportunity to speak to any professionals about this.

Before I met my now ex, I never really thought I'd be able to have a relationship with anyone, I have always had very few friends and the thought of being in a relationship and dating really stressed me out. The thought of dating still stresses me out and to be honest, I want to be in a stable relationship rather than dating around. Being friends first seems logical to me in that regard.

In September I will be starting my second year of Uni and I want to try and push myself out of my comfort zone and meet some new people who are like-minded, I am the chairman of a new Society that is starting up, and I plan to join one other as a member. I don't want to be lonely anymore.

Is my plan a good idea? I figure if I am doing things I enjoy, I might meet like-minded people. Finding a new relationship is something I want, but I just don't know if that is possible, or if I would be ready. My ex told me 3 weeks after we split up, she had met someone else, but I still feel guilty thinking about finding someone else, myself... Is it also unreasonable that I don't like the idea of dating around/online dating? I am a very quiet, shy person, and I just don't know how I would do in that environment. Am I too young to be in the mindset of wanting a stable relationship? Other people I know are not in the same emotional place as me, and that makes me anxious. I also feel like it would be unfair for someone to put up with my issues (anxiety and autism) even if I made that clear from day zero.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble... I have sort of just blurted my thoughts onto the page, I do apologise. I'd appreciate any responses that come in, thank you all for your time

Reply 1

hotpud

Of course your plan is a good one if you think it is. You are in control. You know the consequences but also the rewards. So go for it. Life is about ups and downs. You enjoy the ups and as you deal with more downs, you become more resilient, learning lessons from past mistakes. It is win win.

Top tip - avoid long distance relationships!

Good luck.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks for your words

I'll be honest, I don't regret the long distance relationship, I think our relationship was solid, but there just lacked the honestly over her intentions for the relationship. I think it comes down to who I meet. I'm fairly open minded and I don't want to shut down any possibilities as I know they can work, I know many people for who it did work, including my parents.
I'm not going out there looking for a relationship specifically, but I am attempting to broaden my circle.

I suppose I can't know what will happen for now... I suppose time will tell