Are my parents being unfair?

I've never been given as much as my friends have on birthdays/Christmases, but recently the gap has gotten considerably wider, and it's left me wondering whether it's due to my parents being unreasonably tight, or just that all my friends are spoiled.

Admittedly, we as a family are probably one of the poorest at my school (although it is in a somewhat affluent area), with both my parents on less than £19K, whereas my friends' parents are head teachers, small business owners, lawyers, etc.

To make things simpler, this is what I got from just my parents. On my 16th, I got £60. However, iPhones are in and I am now the only (and I mean only) person in my group of friends without one - most got and iPhone 5 for their 16th - for the ones who didn't it was because they already had a good BB/iPhone 4s/4. The year before that, for me, it was £60 again, then £50, and £40 going back. Everyone else was collecting laptops (usually around 13th/14th birthday), a camera (I think most got these for their 15th), kindles, iPads and TVs along the way. I own none of these. There was also a craze of everyone owning a BlackBerry ~2/3 years ago, I've owned the same Samsung for 4 years, and it was only worth about £50 at the time of purchase (I'd bought it myself).

Now, we're all turning 17. I got £75 this year, whereas everyone else that has had a birthday so far has got their usual accessories (money, clothes, perfume etc.) along with driving lessons. One even has a car.

I don't want to seem like I'm just ungrateful, I recognise that there are some people who get less than me, but I don't feel like it would bankrupt my Mum and Dad to be a bit more generous.

What do people think? Are my parents being unfair, or is it just that all my friends have parents who spoil them?
Thank you.

Reply 1

Donald Duck

15

1 People tend to think it's just them, but quite often, there is someone else who doesn't get the stuff either but neither of you really make it known to them
2 Parental income really is relevant, as well as any previous debt, morgatege etc, making it difficult to compare.

3 I think anyone your age should have a computer if parents could afford one, but I wouldn't make such a statement about an iphone.

Reply 2

username945458

18

I think our parents are trying to give you the best they can given their financial income.

Reply 3

Orangecake

11

Your parents aren't being unfair. There will always be the next new thing and you either need to start saving up or accept that you can't have everything you want.There are always good deals on laptops and cameras after xmas Sorry if I sound harsh- lol I currently want a £55 Fair isle jumper. :colondollar:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

PonchoKid

20

no, you dont know what your parents can afford, i rarely get anything for my birthday, because my mum cant afford it.

also it doesnt matter how much money you have, in school my best friends dad owned his own business and house and everything, and one year bought her 2 small chocolate bars for her birthday (spent about £1 on her)

so be lucky with what you have!

Reply 5

audi_turbo

16

I suppose if you really wanted these things you could get a part time job?

Reply 6

Changing Skies

22

If your parents aren't as financially comfortable as your friends', then I'm afraid you can't compare yourself to them. They're probably spending as much as they can on you and you should try and respect that. I'm one of 5, so I don't get as much money spent on me for my birthday etc, but I know that's because my parents can only afford to spend a certain amount on me. I have friends with cars, iPhones etc, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest because our situations are completely different. I know it can be difficult to feel "left out", but I'm afraid we aren't all able to have hundreds of pounds spent on us like some people can. It's best just to be grateful that you still receive something.

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Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Orangecake

Your parents aren't being unfair. There will always be the next new thing and you either need to start saving up or accept that you can't have everything you want. Sorry if I sound harsh- lol I currently want a £55 Fair isle jumper. :colondollar:

I used to hear the 'You can't have everything line' all the time. In fact, I heard it about everything. I've never had music lessons or done any sport. I'm not allowed to buy things from Topshop, most of my clothes don't fit properly and they were bought in the sales. I've also been having to either pay for it, or cut my own hair, myself since 11. I know we're not on a lot of money and we have a mortgage, but the fact is we're not in poverty as Mum and Dad go on holiday every year - they don't take me and my brother as obviously its cheaper that way and they don't have to wait until the school holidays. They've been to Cuba, Jamaica, etc.

Reply 8

lovelycup7

10

Your parents are actually giving you quite a bit considering their income. My parents are in a similar position and I usually get things like a little notebook or a scrapbook, or a bracelet or something like that, and I have never once complained as it's the thought that counts. Personally I prefer thoughtful gifts like that to things like large amounts of money/an iPhone. I think you should be a wee bit more grateful that your parents are giving you that money - don't compare yourself to your friends, that just isn't fair on your parents. To be perfectly honest I feel it's you that's being unfair, as opposed to your parents.

Reply 9

Piko_Piko

14

How can someone grow up relatively poor and yet be so spoilt???

Reply 10

Tiger Rag

22

Original post by Just Another Girly

I think our parents are trying to give you the best they can given their financial income.

For which the OP should be grateful for.

I never got a huge amount for Christmas and birthdays. This year I did. I wanted to go to a gig and my parents couldn't think of anything else to get me.

Don't compare yourself to others. You don't know their situation.

If you want more expensive things, buy them yourself. That's what I do. This year, my parents have got me something rather expensive for Christmas, which I am grateful for.

Reply 11

ed-sheerans-cat

9

I never get anything apart from a cake. I wish I got £60.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Also, to clarify, I'm not saying it's right to have all of these, nor have I asked for any of them - I'm not trying to guilt trip my parents into buying me them because that's cruel - I was just demonstrating what others at my school get.

Reply 13

FlavaFavourFruit

Stop being a brat and accept it. Stop comparing your presents to your friends. You've said it yourself, your parents aren't well off, so stop complaining, get a job and buy your ****.

Reply 14

hothedgehog

16

My parents never had much money when I was growing up so if I expressed a want for something expensive then it was 'well, if you can save up £x towards it then we will put the rest of the money in'. And so, all of my musical instruments, tech, etc. was purchased in this way. And you know what, I'm fine with it, because I knew my parents couldn't afford it but they still went out of their way to be able to get me the things that I wanted AND taught me the value of money.

Reply 15

Pariah

15

jesus wept you need to have a word with yourself. your parents earn buttons. you probably have no idea what it costs them to house and feed you. stop being an ungrateful materialistic little twerp.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

I pay for everything else myself - clothes etc. apart from literally the basics like food. I don't go on school trips, they don't take me on holiday, so it's not like I'm being gifted throughout the year either.

Like I said in the original post, I understand that others get less than me, I know it could be worse and I'm grateful for what I do get - I'm not saying it's right to have all of the things that my friends do, just that they do have that.

Simply, considering they can afford to take themselves to Egypt or Cuba for 2 weeks, do you think they could be a little more generous? That's all I was asking! Just wanted a few opinions.

Reply 17

Nader_KSA

2

Appreciate what have. Your parents don't earn as much so just be thankful to them.

Reply 18

x__justmyluck

12

So you admit your parents don't earn as much as your friends' parents yet you expect the same amount of money spent on you. To be honest even if I do earn lots of money I won't buy my son whatever he wants in the hope he won't be materialistic and selfish as you obviously are.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by x__justmyluck

So you admit your parents don't earn as much as your friends' parents yet you expect the same amount of money spent on you. To be honest even if I do earn lots of money I won't buy my son whatever he wants in the hope he won't be materialistic and selfish as you obviously are.

At no point have I said I expect the same! Or even close! I have simply said: here is what my friends get. Here is what I get. Could they give me a little more? That is all!

Are my parents being unfair?

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