Her culture is stopping us been together/dating properly... advice?

This really won't end well. You'll either end up together and they will not be happy with her.. she'll have to turn her back on her family (which is a VERY bad thing in our culture)
Or she'll have to leave you for her family and you'll be heart broken :/

Unless her parents change this is all that can happen

I understand that's the harsh truth but I'm gonna try gather up as much advice as possible and see whether that helps get any further that we currently are.

Don't get why this is the case though, not looking for an argument just saying its silly that it isn't a choice in the 21st century.

I understand that's the harsh truth but I'm gonna try gather up as much advice as possible and see whether that helps get any further that we currently are.

Don't get why this is the case though, not looking for an argument just saying its silly that it isn't a choice in the 21st century.

I guess her parents just want their culture to be preserved and stuff.. it's not that they don't like white people or anything, it's most likely just that they want their kids to retain their language, religion, and cultural heritage, which is something that you don't offer. Even being born here I know I don't know a lot of things which people that are born back in India know.. my language skills are not up to scratch either!

Whatever you do don't take it as a personal attack, because I'm sure it isn't.

mate you have to be very open minded about these things!

i am indian and i have choice but certain things within our culture are different than others!
you have to be very open minded and accept that this may be the case!
i am sure the girl is having a hard time to but if you understand her then you should let her go!

I know!

I'm not sure how the TSR community can help, in this instance. It seems the girl in question has a choice between choosing you or her parents. The family seem quite nationalist .

I suppose that's true, but they do display a hint of casual racism when they discuss her cousins wedding. I don't think its a personal attack I just think that if I introduce myself at first they'd be very unaccepting, probably stop me talking to her but as soon as they got to know me they might eventually sway. I don't do drugs, take alcohol, sleep around and I'm gonna study a good degree at university and offer her all the protection she needs so... its literally just colour/culture


Yeah I understand why certain things are, just not this. No why should I let her go?
Why should I give up on what we have because of an age-old tradition? this is where I step my foot down.



Advice/experiences I suppose. I know TSR isn't the most useful website in this scenario. Do you think its wrong for me to get involved in this or rather it is justified because she feels suffocated by her parents?

I completely understand you but to me you dont seem to be understanding her and the culture!

i think you are right about it not being a personal attack because people are not always racist in these things!
if her parents are strict indians it is their culture!

i find it difficult on here to express to you how it feels to be in this situation!
but when you say that that is where you put the foot down you need to STOP!
think a little! dont jump in straight away! if she is deciding between you and her parents then i highly doubt that she has a problem with her parents!
as you say you are 17!!
i think you need to live a little before you jump into these things!
maybe see if you still feel anything for her after waiting!
at least wait till she can look after herself before you make any decisions!!
in that time you will know if you truly do feel what you think you do atm!
if you dont and you jump in now she will probably not be happy that her parents are upset with her and then you will have made a mess!

Just walk away, the culture clashes are always way more trouble than they're worth.

People shouldn't be allowed to move to this country if they aren't willing to marry their kids off to the indigenous. It shows they disrespect us or hold disdain towards us.

Just walk away, the culture clashes are always way more trouble than they're worth.

People shouldn't be allowed to move to this country if they aren't willing to marry their kids off to the indigenous. It shows they disrespect us or hold disdain towards us.

I really don't wanna let this go though. I'm willing to put in the time and effort if there is some sort of a return in the end, if its just endless uncertainty then maybe your advice is true.

I do slightly agree with you, I think cultures are fine but the choice should really be down to the child.

I'm a Muslim girl that has been in this situation. I must say I'm surprised that she kissed you and you should be grateful that you even got that. It's lovely that you're so into her, but you're suffocating her. Culture is extremely important to us, as are our families and ensuring we don't ruin their reputation among the respective community. That's something that you will find hard to understand. She obviously has feelings for you if she agreed to sneak out of her house for dates on more than one occasion but you cannot expect her to make decisions that serious, knowing the consequences. You have to be willing to remain close friends and to wait until the time is right. Making a decision like this can only really happen once, she's only 17, so much can still go wrong.

I think that you should maybe speak to someone who's gone through the same thing tbh and I really can't offer any other advice, because you are young and financially instable and her parents sound very very very conservative.

Basically back story is we're both young (17). We got talking to each other using the internet, IM'd each other for about a month etc talked to each other everyday and basically realised we finish each others sentences/are perfect for each other, basically like a soulmate. Now I'm not rushing in saying that I want to marry her or anything because we've never really had the chance to properly date. We've been on two dates (lasting 1-2hours long as she did it behind her parents back) together and we just got on so well together cuddled/kissed etc you get the point. If you want a direct comparison you could think of this is as a modern Romeo and Juliet love story, except for the fact that me (the guy) has liberal parents who are accepting of her, whilst her parents are really really conservative.

She has these fears
*Getting hit
*Getting locked up
*Getting sent to India
*Disappointing her parents
*Ruining reputation of parents

Herein lies the problem, I'm white and she's Indian. In her culture she is expected to marry an indian guy full stop. Let me demonstrate how serious her parents are:
she was talking a guy (her best friend) on facebook at night, when she should have been in bed, they found out and they threatened to lock her up and beat her etc. She says she's never really felt loved by them but doesn't really have a choice but to obey them.

I thought I could solve the problem by getting someone in her close family (who is engaged to a white guy) to support and care for her, her cousin. Her cousin said she should focus on her studies (rightfully so), but also said if things at her home get tough she is welcome to stay with her at her place.

All I want now is to be able to date her freely and see if us two are made for each other or not, but there are several problems (Parental approval, Age, Exams, Financial stability and Distance) since our houses are like 1-2hours apart and she rarely if ever gets the opportunity to meet me. I want this to get sorted before uni since I'm moving away from London and she's staying in London

TL;DR; parents won't be accepting of me, I want to date her, help?

Thank you!!!
you explained this so much better than me!!

Yeah of course that's why I've made this thread - will also check other websites other than just tsr.