Please, grade my essay 1-6

TOPIC: Are we free to make our own choices in life, or our decisions always limited by the rules of society?

P.S*I know it's abit short, but they want only around 250 words. I just wanna know how it's coming. thanks <3
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Of course, everyone agrees that we are free to make our own choices in life, but in some societies people's choices are limited by the rules of their society, which affects their freedom and may have some bad consequences on the society.

For example, the causes of the American revolution supports the meaning of bad consequences on a society.
The American revolution began in 1775 as open conflict between the united thirteen colonies and Great Britain.
While no one event can be pointed to as the actual cause of the revolution, the war began as a disagreement over the way in which Great Britain treated the colonies versus the way the colonies felt they should be treated.
In brief, they weren't able to make their own decisions.
The British, on the other hand, felt that the colonies were created to be used in the way that best suited the crown.
But;however, the example by Aristotle, " Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers.", illustrates that a society should make everyone free to make his own choices, but in the right safe way.

In summary, as the great philosopher Mill proposed, " people are free so long as they don't harm others ", thus, it can be concluded that freedom is maintained but when it comes to harming others, it should be limited.

TOPIC: Are we free to make our own choices in life, or our decisions always limited by the rules of society?

P.S*I know it's abit short, but they want only around 250 words. I just wanna know how it's coming. thanks <3
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Of course, everyone agrees that we are free to make our own choices in life [good opening, interesting so will be remembered] but in some societies people's choices are limited by the rules of their society, which affects their freedom and may have some bad consequences on the society. [society is mentioned quite a bit, removing the society after rules would be fine]

For example, [An example would be, it flows easier] the causes of the American revolution supports the meaning of bad consequences on a society. The American revolution began in 1775 as open conflict between the united thirteen colonies and Great Britain. While no one event can be pointed to as the actual cause of the revolution, the war began as a disagreement over the way in which Great Britain treated the colonies versus the way the colonies felt they should be treated. [Personally, I disagree with this paragraph - it sounds quite dull and drags on, it sounds very textbook and not innovative] In brief, they weren't able to make their own decisions. The British, on the other hand, felt that the colonies were created to be used in the way that best suited the crown. But;however, the example by Aristotle, " Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers." [this is nice, it should've probably opened this paragraph and led into my point before] illustrates that a society should make everyone free to make his own choices, but in the right safe way. [Nice ending]

In summary, as the great philosopher Mill proposed, " people are free so long as they don't harm others ",[Nice quote to include] thus, it can be concluded that freedom is maintained but when it comes to harming others, it should be limited.