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Is it actually wrong for me to wish my "Father" dead?

When my Mum was 18 she met a guy and fell in love. They planned a wedding, planned a life together. This man is not my father he's biologically my half brother. When my mum was 21 her Fiancée was killed in a car crash. While stricken by grief and mourning she was raped by her dead fiancées father. I know because I am the result of that rape.

My Mum was scared and didn't know what to do, she didn't want to raise a child alone and was too ashamed to tell anyone what happened so she stayed with him. We've (me and her) have endured 21 years of domestic abuse, violence and evil at his hands. A few of our family know, and the police have been involved a few times, each time just giving him a caution or warning. We still live with him to this day, I'm trying to get independence and stand on my own two feet but my Mum just seems to frightened to do so, she has gotten used to this life, as have I (it's all I;ve ever known) and doesn't seem to want to do anything about her predicament. I know I will always be anchored to him because my mum is that anchor, I can't leave her, but she;s too scared to leave him.

It's not just the physical side, it's the emotional side as well, he is cruel in his words towards us, constantly making jibes and fun at whatever he can about us such as my nans ill health, my aunts mental state, our weight, my lack of success with girls, the fact I had to repeat a year of school, the fact my mum struggles to find a job, the fact I cant drive, the list is endless.

I'm bisexual and I dare not come out, as I know the violence that would follow, did I mention he's extremely homophobic and racist?

For 18 years he pretended to be paying the mortgage and demanded some of my mums Child Support money and other benefits to contribute towards the mortgage, it transpired he was only paying off the interest and was instead just spending the money on gambling.

He spends his money on a family (friends of his) in Wales, who equally are not nice people, (they boast about denying the grandparents access to their grandkids, and the mother forced the nan out of her house).

Why is this relevant? Because finally, as one small mercy towards my mother, my so called "father" promised that when he died (he's 72) she would be able to keep his half the house (wouldn't be able to keep it as the mortgage is not paid, but at least she'd get some money from selling it) but as yet another act of cruelty we have found out instead he is going to write a will to ensure that nothing he owns goes to me or my Mum, but it all goes to the nasty family in Wales.

I personally never wanted any money from him, I don't want anything to do with him, but yet again my poor Mum has been trampled on by him for no reason other than he gets his kicks from being cruel.

After 21 years of cruelty and evil, I really really want him to die, (obviously I'm not going to kill him, I;m not going to throw my life away, I just want him to go) and can't wait for the day he dies, because I feel the Earth truly will be a better place without him and his brand of evil cruelty.

I told all this to someone very close to me, and they just told me how bad I was for wanting him dead, and that I shouldn't wish someone dead. I was shocked, after all this cruelty, abuse and pain, I am the bad one for simply wishing him to be dead. Is that true?

No.

sweetie, you are not a bad person! he is an ass and if all you say is true he will someday get what he deserves. its the way of life.

Reply 3

numanali

Hi, firstly, you're one brave person. Living such a life, and knowing the truth behind things, and still not going mad, I want to clap at this. I've been educated today, I used to think I had problems, but I am educated today by this.

Let me tell you something, from what you've said, this person (I don't want to call him your father, I don't want to disrespect you by saying he's your father), did something minor according to him, but it ruined your mums life, which isn't minor, and he simply got away with it. You know I've been fighting and standing up for women who go through such crap, and I've spoken to a few myself, I can't explain what their life have become after being raped.

You hope you acknowledge the fact that your mother gave away her life just for your sake, don't ever let her down. Love her and respect her always.

Now coming to the hate issue, my friend, people wish people dead over much less. You wanting him dead, is logical. By this you mean that you want him out of your life, forever. And I get that. The person who you shared this with, look, it's very easy for people to criticise, when they haven't lived your life or haven't been through it, so I would say ignore that person.

You're not a bad person, at all. It's just that bad things often happen to good people, but it doesn't mean it'll always be bad stuff, so don't give up on life.

And I'm no one to judge this person (that guy), but I hope he pays for what he has done.

When it comes to your mum, I get it, you want her to have something after such a ****y life. To this part, I can't say fight for your mums right, that's up t you.

In the end, just want to say, it's never the end of the world, be positive, life goes on and life gives you plenty of opportunities to be happy, I hope they'll soon come for you. Look after you mum :smile:

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Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thank you for the kind words and support everyone

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

...I actually wish the same as you. I wish he dies and the day he's dead I wish you'd write "good ****in' riddance" on his grave and piss on it, then walk away.