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Can anyone please mark my gcse english language practise work??

I did question 1 of january 2013 english language paper
this is the paper: http://filestore.aqa.org.uk/subjects/AQA-ENG1H-QP-JAN13.PDF
and this is the source: http://filestore.aqa.org.uk/subjects/AQA-ENG1H-INS-JAN13.PDF

What do you understand about the Amazon tribe and the issues it faces? (8 marks)

According to Source 1, the Amazon Tribe is a tribe of the Amazon Rainforest as they don’t live by the water but live ‘deep in the forest’, and have never before come in contact with the modern world as they are ‘isolated’, therefore live their lives through agriculture and hunting, suggesting that they are uneducated but resourceful as they grow their own food as well as cotton for clothing.
Although they have never come in contact with the outside world, it seems that they have come in contact with other Indian tribes as they are using utensils they probably have gotten from them, therefore suggesting that the Amazon Tribe don’t trust the ‘outsiders’ but do trust others who live in similar situations, possibly because they themselves are a part of a’ larger Indian tribe’. This general distrust might have been passed down from the older generations who ‘escaped being colonized’, therefore passing down the fears to the newer generations, hence thinking that their only chance of survival would be by remaining isolated.
This fear doesn’t seem so irrational as the source also states that an isolated tribe coming in contact with the outside world will result in disastrous effects as they would be prone to disease and death, probably because they have never been vaccined as something as simple as common cold would be as fatal as to wipe out half the tribe. It is also suggested that the tribe is not far from such dangers as their ‘isolation is increasingly threatened’ by the outside world – as this tribe’s was by the helicopter even though they are protected by a Government Policy of no contact with such tribes.

Is this long enough for an 8 mark question?? what mark would I get?? :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

danconway

Indicative content:
isolated
cotton clothes / food
don't live by water but 'deep in forest' / escape from 'colonisation'
part of a larger tribe
agriculture and hunting
tools from 'outsiders'
protected by government - no contact
vulnerable to illnesses like the common cold
even the helicopter threatened them

You have covered all of the content for this question.
I'm satisfied you understood the whole text.
You've engaged with the text fairly well. Simple explanations of the text suffice for the question.
You have expanded on quotations and explained the text.
Quotations are purposeful - not many of them, but that's fine because the question is asking more for your own understanding rather than a textual analysis.

It's a solid answer - I feel there's something just lacking - I'm not sure how generous AQA are with their marking, but I just feel that the answer could have gone the extra mile - just needed a little je ne sais quoi.
However it's a perfectly good answer, so certainly top band. 7 marks?

Reply 2

hostertully

Original post by danconway

indicative content:
Isolated
cotton clothes / food
don't live by water but 'deep in forest' / escape from 'colonisation'
part of a larger tribe
agriculture and hunting
tools from 'outsiders'
protected by government - no contact
vulnerable to illnesses like the common cold
even the helicopter threatened them

you have covered all of the content for this question.
I'm satisfied you understood the whole text.
You've engaged with the text fairly well. Simple explanations of the text suffice for the question.
You have expanded on quotations and explained the text.
Quotations are purposeful - not many of them, but that's fine because the question is asking more for your own understanding rather than a textual analysis.

It's a solid answer - i feel there's something just lacking - i'm not sure how generous aqa are with their marking, but i just feel that the answer could have gone the extra mile - just needed a little je ne sais quoi.
However it's a perfectly good answer, so certainly top band. 7 marks?