feel like **** all the time

I am 17 years old. I never open up like this, so hee goes.

I guess I fit the typical 'TSR steriotype'; I am my schools top academic and have very few friends.

At the start of the year, I randomly started speaking to a girl on the internet (she lived 2 hours away) and she was, in my mind, perfect. I had never been 'popular' at school, at the time we started talking I was at a real lowpoint due to lonelyness.

She was the perfect cure for my despondancy, I loved hearing her silly stories and talking to her (like I had done with no one else before) until the early hours of the morning.

We both developed feelings for each other, but could only manage a few meetups due to distance. We had our own 'unofficial' relationship.

Fastforward 10 months,>120k Facebook messages and hundreds of hours of calls, she goes to university.

Before she left she told me she loved me etc.

I told her that I appreciate that uni is something she worked hard for and is going to be the peak of her life, so she doesnt need to worry about messaging me all the time as usual and that she should go do whatever she wants, not being held back.

I never realised how jelous I would get. I know that if she was to have a drunken snog Id be really hurt.
Additionally, she started becoming very distant and seemed to have moved on, leaving me behind.

Again, I completely understood this and broke it off with her.

So now, without her, I have realised how little friends I have. I'm just completely alone with my studies.

Whats worse, I am constantly getting upset by prospect of what shes doing in clubs etc with other guys, I always feel ****.

I still live in fantasy land of where Im with her and shes my girl. I Just cant get the image of her with other guys out my head

I just dont know what to do

Thanks for reading this, it means alot!

Getting over someone entirely takes time. But it wont help if you keep thinking about wanting to be with her. MAKE friends, Go out with friends and family, socialise hardcore with others. Don't be alone. That's how you will forget her.

Thanks

One of the main problems is that in school the "cliques" have all formed completely now, so I dont really have a choice but to stay with my current group that I'm not at all close to.
Everyone's opinion of me has already been established unfortunately.

I dont feel like I'll get/want anyone else

Prove them wrong in their opinions in some way, you've got to push yourself outside of your current group if you're not that friendly with them. Make friends with another clique, perhaps if you're sat with someone different in class why not join them for lunch or something. You could always start a new society or club to meet more people and thus have more friends, either in school or outside of school (this of course would mean the clique system was void anyway). Just be funny and yourself confidently and people will like you. There's always people who won't but you are likely to be able to find people who will more so.

Thanks!

I do always try this but its so hard! I feel like I'll still be constantly thinking about her and wondering what she's doing even if my social situation gets better

Breakups or whatever you wish to call it are always hard, and even harder if you feel like it's unfinished. While everyone will say move on and do stuff etc. the best way to get closure (and I have found the only time you really can properly move on) is if you actually speak with the person, meet them if possible, and talk through everything that you need to, after that it will get easier.
It's hard to let go, but improving your social situation is a good way to start, that way you'll be busier and have less time to dwell on the past, do fun things, even try new things, a new thing of course shouldn't remind you of the past as it's new to you so should keep you grounded in the here and now.
As for what she's doing ask her if it's bothering you as much as it would seem, though speaking as a fresher at uni she's probably going out a bit and dancing, likely having drunk, and also attempting to settle in to a new lifestyle and work format, with less expendable money than before. If you're feeling like this it is likely that she is also upset, I've seen a few people who've just broken things off being extremely tearful.
Ultimately the only true healer for this sort of thing is time and some people take longer than others to move on, it'll be easier every day.

Unofficial why?

Dear oh dear, I see a reflection of my young self

She is dead to you (that's what a boy in your shoes should tell yourself)

Eat a tin of spinach

So: 1) Work on yourself; 2) Focus on the girls who would give you a second look, even if it's just building friendships, learning to socialise, and networking

Young love.. been there, done that. You'll eventually grow through that pain, and become a more complete mofo