I wish Id never applied for uni
Coming to birmingham has been the worst month of my life!! Everyone hypes on how first year is the best when infact its been the worst.
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
(edited 9 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
I think you are mainly feeling this because obvioulsy, for whatever reason, you made the decision to go into housing with 2nd and 3rd years, who probably know each other as they lived together last year or went on nights out together etc. i really feel sorry for you at the minute because it has totally ruined your university experience. were you forced by parents in to saving more money by moving in to shared accomodation? i mean it wouldnt be as bad if you were a second year and moved in with friends which is what usually happens.
also, what negatives about birmingham are there? i want to here about the staff, your peers, your course etc etc as i am interested in going there for 2015 entry
also, what negatives about birmingham are there? i want to here about the staff, your peers, your course etc etc as i am interested in going there for 2015 entry
Original post by itsalwayswendy
Coming to birmingham has been the worst month of my life!! Everyone hypes on how first year is the best when infact its been the worst.
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
So far have you found your course interesting or have you also gone off your chosen subject?
If you do still like the course itself then my advice would be to stick it out for at least the term. Get yourself involved in as many societies & sports clubs as you can. Generally they are fairly relaxed, most societies will run regular socials where it doesn't matter a damn if you know anybody or not, and you'll be around people with similar interests and it'll get you out of the house and actually doing things instead of stagnating at home by yourself.
If once you've given things a proper go you're still unhappy then don't push it, drop out. There's no point staying beyond the first term if you're still unhappy, and if you do choose to go back then you will still receive full funding from Student Finance as you will have left before the start of your second year.
I also wouldn't write off returning to Uni next year. If you do apply again then you will be doing so with A level grades already received and so any offers you are made will be unconditional, meaning that you will be guaranteed on campus accommodation and will be living with other first year students. Being stuck off campus, especially if you're with older students can be incredibly tough and things are much easier if you live with other first years as you would if you went back to Uni.
At the end of the day you got thrown into a tough situation living with a load of older students well away from the University itself but if you still have a subject in mind that you want to do then please don't let it put you off from applying again.
[h="1"]I wish Id never applied for uni[/h]I know right!
Lemme read OP now :P
Lemme read OP now :P
I feel you, bro. I was the same when I first got to uni, but over time I learned that introducing myself and making friends is the best way to beat that loneliness. You will find yourself getting invited out and people will actually come to you to sit with you in lectures. Also, it helps when you're struggling with schoolwork and need one of your coursemates to help you out 
Original post by itsalwayswendy
Coming to birmingham has been the worst month of my life!! Everyone hypes on how first year is the best when infact its been the worst.
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
Sounds like those girls you live with are real bitches. There's no reason for them to be so stuck up - living in a shared flat isn't exactly the plot for some mean girls chick flick remake. If I was a second/third year and a fresher moved in, i'd be doing what I could to make the feel at home. Especially knowing as they're freshers and probably dont know anyone.
Seriously, people say guys are dicks, but the fact that no one seems to acknowledge is that girls are 100% more mean and nasty to each other. You'd never hear of this kind of **** happening in a shared flat with all guys. Guys tend to be more open, laid back and its unlikely if you were a guy living with other guys they wouldn't talk to you and at least say hi, even if it was the typical male "grunt and head nod" or "you'alright mate" of acknowledgment.
My advice. Get the hell out of there. If its like that now, its not going to get any better living with those stuck up losers. Get yourself a shared flat with people in your year/other freshers. People advertise shared accomodations, rooms for rent every single day. there's even a section here on TSR dedicated to people renting out rooms in shared flats for different universities. You'll probably find a much better place to live that will cost the same price or even less than were you currently are.
Dont forget- regardless of how much they intimidate you with their ****ty attitude, as long as its a shared flat, meaning you're all paying equal amounts of rent - then you have just as much entitlement to be in the living room/kitchen as they do. Whether they want to be in some weird offputing little gang is irrelevant. its your property just as much as it is theirs and they cant bully you into feeling you dont belong in accomodation you're paying for.
(edited 9 years ago)
Hey
Completely understand where you are coming from. Been here for a month and its not what its been hyped up to be. Im seriously considering leaving, going back to my old job in retail for a year and then most likely applying to a more specialist academy which I will commute to (about 20 mins away from my house back home).
Im going to give it another 3 weeks and then make an informed decision, my mum doesn't seem to understand where I coming from though and its so easy for people who have never been to uni just to say "stick it out".
My course is awful, Ive made no friends either and I feel extremely isolated. Ive also developed insomnia (not even lying, I won't get to sleep now till about 4AM) and I have no desire to get out of bed in the mornings sometime.
Maybe you could talk to a Uni counsellor, or the chaplaincy. They have both at my uni and offer non judgemental advice. It might be good just to talk to someone and get this off your chest.
Anyway, I hope everything works out for you, and remember its your health and happiness that matters so make the right decision for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!
Will
Completely understand where you are coming from. Been here for a month and its not what its been hyped up to be. Im seriously considering leaving, going back to my old job in retail for a year and then most likely applying to a more specialist academy which I will commute to (about 20 mins away from my house back home).
Im going to give it another 3 weeks and then make an informed decision, my mum doesn't seem to understand where I coming from though and its so easy for people who have never been to uni just to say "stick it out".
My course is awful, Ive made no friends either and I feel extremely isolated. Ive also developed insomnia (not even lying, I won't get to sleep now till about 4AM) and I have no desire to get out of bed in the mornings sometime.
Maybe you could talk to a Uni counsellor, or the chaplaincy. They have both at my uni and offer non judgemental advice. It might be good just to talk to someone and get this off your chest.
Anyway, I hope everything works out for you, and remember its your health and happiness that matters so make the right decision for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!
Will
Not to be harsh since I can tell you're obviously upset and that's perfectly normal at this stage in your life when you're going through a big change such as university - but you're really misinterpreting your situation. From reading your post you seem to be expecting other people to make your life easier/more enjoyable - life doesn't and never will work that way. One great thing about university it that it is a less brutal version of adult life than the working world that you'll have to endure afterwards. No one makes your life better for you - it's up to you entirely. That's just something you learn through experience/growing older - your lectures won't teach you that but life will.
Get out of this mindset
It's up to you not other people. Stop waiting for things to happen to you and go out and make them happen. Your student union will have info about societies - find out, talk to people, do some research. You can invite yourself to society meets....actually, that's exactly how it works. Your university, like it or not, is a money making business that gives you education in exchange for your money - they are not nannys - this isn't school anymore. The same will be true after uni - in general, organisations do not give a shit, you have to make life enjoyable for yourself and not depend on other people to bring it to you. Best thing to do - join a couple of socs that you like the sound of, turn up, chat to some people, enjoy yourself. You don't have to have loads of friends to enjoy your time. Remember that you're there to actually get a degree - if nothing else, focus on that.
In terms of your flatmates - fuck them. I had rubbish flat mates in my 2nd year - they just did not speak to anyone (not each other, not me, not anyone). I spoke to a cleaner who cleaned our kitchen and the best thing she said to me was "well, it's just a place to rest your bones isn't it?''. Go to classes, go to socs, go to the library, explore the city - go home, rest your bones - doesn't matter what your flatmates are up to, you won't even remember their names/faces in a couple of years - believe me.
Another thing - you will be cursing yourself so much if you drop out and 'work' as you say. We're in a recession, jobs do not grow on trees - it's actually not as easy as just dropping out and getting a job. The jobs that you can get right now if you're lucky (presuming you're late teens/early 20's with little experience) are entry level (AKA shit pay, shit conditions, shit work). That is not something to look forward to - please believe me. I struggled through uni (almost dropped out in 2nd year) but graduated a couple years ago - like many I've gone from job to job with spells of unemployment - the world outside of uni is not a relief, it's very difficult. They don't call it 'work' for nothing. The only thing that is motivating me to get up at 5am for work tomorrow, beside the fact that I have got some really nice porridge, is the fact that I'm going back to uni next year and I need the money for it. Don't wish to be working - being a student is the most freedom you'll have before you start working for decades until you retire.
Anyway, I really don't mean to sound harsh - I know what it's like - but the only way to change your life and to start enjoying it is to make it happen for yourself. No one will do it for you, not now - not ever. The sooner you learn that the better because then you'll take care of yourself so much more. Don't wish it away - just find a way to enjoy it, even if it's something simple like drinking your favorite tea while you read you lecture notes.
As for the depression etc - speak to someone, unis have services for that and you might be able to meet people going through a similar experience. Even with issues such as depression you have to help yourself - you have to reach out to people around you otherwise no one will know.
Bottom line - look after yourself, be proactive with building and maintaining your own happiness, don't let crappy people make you feel bad and don't think the grass is greener elsewhere - it usually isn't.
Get out of this mindset
neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you
It's up to you not other people. Stop waiting for things to happen to you and go out and make them happen. Your student union will have info about societies - find out, talk to people, do some research. You can invite yourself to society meets....actually, that's exactly how it works. Your university, like it or not, is a money making business that gives you education in exchange for your money - they are not nannys - this isn't school anymore. The same will be true after uni - in general, organisations do not give a shit, you have to make life enjoyable for yourself and not depend on other people to bring it to you. Best thing to do - join a couple of socs that you like the sound of, turn up, chat to some people, enjoy yourself. You don't have to have loads of friends to enjoy your time. Remember that you're there to actually get a degree - if nothing else, focus on that.
In terms of your flatmates - fuck them. I had rubbish flat mates in my 2nd year - they just did not speak to anyone (not each other, not me, not anyone). I spoke to a cleaner who cleaned our kitchen and the best thing she said to me was "well, it's just a place to rest your bones isn't it?''. Go to classes, go to socs, go to the library, explore the city - go home, rest your bones - doesn't matter what your flatmates are up to, you won't even remember their names/faces in a couple of years - believe me.
Another thing - you will be cursing yourself so much if you drop out and 'work' as you say. We're in a recession, jobs do not grow on trees - it's actually not as easy as just dropping out and getting a job. The jobs that you can get right now if you're lucky (presuming you're late teens/early 20's with little experience) are entry level (AKA shit pay, shit conditions, shit work). That is not something to look forward to - please believe me. I struggled through uni (almost dropped out in 2nd year) but graduated a couple years ago - like many I've gone from job to job with spells of unemployment - the world outside of uni is not a relief, it's very difficult. They don't call it 'work' for nothing. The only thing that is motivating me to get up at 5am for work tomorrow, beside the fact that I have got some really nice porridge, is the fact that I'm going back to uni next year and I need the money for it. Don't wish to be working - being a student is the most freedom you'll have before you start working for decades until you retire.
Anyway, I really don't mean to sound harsh - I know what it's like - but the only way to change your life and to start enjoying it is to make it happen for yourself. No one will do it for you, not now - not ever. The sooner you learn that the better because then you'll take care of yourself so much more. Don't wish it away - just find a way to enjoy it, even if it's something simple like drinking your favorite tea while you read you lecture notes.
As for the depression etc - speak to someone, unis have services for that and you might be able to meet people going through a similar experience. Even with issues such as depression you have to help yourself - you have to reach out to people around you otherwise no one will know.
Bottom line - look after yourself, be proactive with building and maintaining your own happiness, don't let crappy people make you feel bad and don't think the grass is greener elsewhere - it usually isn't.
(edited 9 years ago)
Bro, fair enough with some of what you've said but jeez you sound so bitter.
You've literally just described what one of the problems with uni is.
You've already been, graduated and have been moving from job to job, interspersed with unemployment and have obviously not been able to get the job you want/what people think they will get after being a "graduate". Yet you are going to be returning to Uni for the second time? And on top of that you are having to fund it too? Even more debt then.
Maybe this person needs a year to work and reconsider their options? Yes they have said they don't think they would ever go back if they left but who says that they are ignoring other education options entirely? In my case I would drop out (for reasons explained above) and after a year of working (hopefully in my old job) would either go and study a more specific aspect of my course at a very well respected academy closer to my home, or I would apply for the A level management scheme that the company I used to work for offers. You see, its different things for different people.
Yes I would have debt to pay off + accommodation, but guess what, who cares. Your either paying it now or in 3 years. And your whole freedom argument? Honestly I prefer being kept busy, and working would suit me far more than this does. Maybe thats also the case of the OP.
One of my very close friends dropped out of Uni within two weeks, and guess what? He is very happy, its a weight off his shoulders and he can take the time to consider what he really wants to do while working.
You are just acting fairly aggressive in my opinion without actually knowing what they are specifically dealing with. Nobody can pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum. In the end its the OP's decision and no one else's.
You've literally just described what one of the problems with uni is.
You've already been, graduated and have been moving from job to job, interspersed with unemployment and have obviously not been able to get the job you want/what people think they will get after being a "graduate". Yet you are going to be returning to Uni for the second time? And on top of that you are having to fund it too? Even more debt then.
Maybe this person needs a year to work and reconsider their options? Yes they have said they don't think they would ever go back if they left but who says that they are ignoring other education options entirely? In my case I would drop out (for reasons explained above) and after a year of working (hopefully in my old job) would either go and study a more specific aspect of my course at a very well respected academy closer to my home, or I would apply for the A level management scheme that the company I used to work for offers. You see, its different things for different people.
Yes I would have debt to pay off + accommodation, but guess what, who cares. Your either paying it now or in 3 years. And your whole freedom argument? Honestly I prefer being kept busy, and working would suit me far more than this does. Maybe thats also the case of the OP.
One of my very close friends dropped out of Uni within two weeks, and guess what? He is very happy, its a weight off his shoulders and he can take the time to consider what he really wants to do while working.
You are just acting fairly aggressive in my opinion without actually knowing what they are specifically dealing with. Nobody can pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum. In the end its the OP's decision and no one else's.
Hello OP. Let me tell you in brief what happened to me. I entered uni in 2012, and I hated every minute of the first term. I'm at a collegiate uni, so was randomly placed. It was me (a few years older), a couple of mature students from Europe and all grammar/private school girls. I found them very difficult. You'd think it would be a boys dream living with a load of 18/19 year old girls, but it was a nightmare. I found them annoying, they'd fuss about everything, hang round in the kitchen, I didn't feel comfortable. Add to this, I got a third in my first essay, and a potential relationship I'd been working on for weeks before fell apart, I was ready to quit...but I battled through till Christmas.
Anyway came back after Christmas, everything worked out. Made new friends on my course, tried a bit harder socially in terms of nights out/societies, grades improved. You gotta give it more of a go man. I've been there. People dropping out this early, I mean every situation is different but I'd encourage you to keep going, you can't truly try something in a few weeks.
Anyway came back after Christmas, everything worked out. Made new friends on my course, tried a bit harder socially in terms of nights out/societies, grades improved. You gotta give it more of a go man. I've been there. People dropping out this early, I mean every situation is different but I'd encourage you to keep going, you can't truly try something in a few weeks.
Hey, I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I'm going to say it as bluntly as possible. Maybe the problem is you. And I don't mean that in a mean way, I just want you to change your perspective and perhaps realise that these things can be changed by you. As you said, "nobody cares much to help you", so you should try to help yourself. I'm going to give you advice that will hopefully help you.
1. Try to ignore the awkward looks you get from the girls in your house. And I mean full on ignore it, don't process it, don't think about it. And then start a conversation with them. It can be about anything, I'm 99% sure they won't shut you down. And I know putting yourself out there to like 5 girls in one go may be daunting so maybe try to get two of them on their own and then approach them. Or maybe even just one of them. Did you ever stop to think that they may not make an effort with you because you don't make an effort with them? They might think that you want to be left alone. If you still find this too difficult, maybe try drinking a bit (alcohol) and then approach them. Or propose that you all play a drinking game. Drinking will really help to stop you feeling awkward and worrying about what other people think.
2. In lectures, make an effort to ensure that you sit next to someone. Again, I'm 99% sure they won't mind. Pretty much everyone is the same when starting university: they won't know anyone and are dying to be accepted. Even if the person you sit with has found their place, they'll most likely know how you feel and be accepting.
3. Go out on your own to a nightclub or something and meet people there. If you don't speak to anyone, it's very unlikely you'll get a personal invite so you have to take it upon yourself to go out by yourself. Trust me, no one will notice that you've gone on your own and it's okay if you don't make new friends on the first night, but keep trying.
4. Search up about how to join societies and what societies are available. I know you said no info has been given, but really try to find out. It's probably the easiest way you'll make friends.
5. In pretty much every university I've looked at, they offer counselling services. So try to find out if your uni does and if they do, go. It will be helpful. You'll have someone to talk to and someone that can guide you and help you settle in. They'll be very used to that kinda thing.
6. It's only been a month, people may have made friends already but most people won't be entirely settled down into their friendship groups. Don't feel like it's too late to make friends, because it's not. You've just got to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. It will be uncomfortable and awkward for a while, but I can promise you, you will be so thankful that you did it later.
7. Lastly, don't give up. As I said, it's only been a month, you're not the only person that hasn't settled down yet. Keep pushing through until at least February and if it's still a horrible experience by then, then maybe it's just not the right thing for you.
Sorry that I've gone on a lot, but I really hope this helps. Good luck!
1. Try to ignore the awkward looks you get from the girls in your house. And I mean full on ignore it, don't process it, don't think about it. And then start a conversation with them. It can be about anything, I'm 99% sure they won't shut you down. And I know putting yourself out there to like 5 girls in one go may be daunting so maybe try to get two of them on their own and then approach them. Or maybe even just one of them. Did you ever stop to think that they may not make an effort with you because you don't make an effort with them? They might think that you want to be left alone. If you still find this too difficult, maybe try drinking a bit (alcohol) and then approach them. Or propose that you all play a drinking game. Drinking will really help to stop you feeling awkward and worrying about what other people think.
2. In lectures, make an effort to ensure that you sit next to someone. Again, I'm 99% sure they won't mind. Pretty much everyone is the same when starting university: they won't know anyone and are dying to be accepted. Even if the person you sit with has found their place, they'll most likely know how you feel and be accepting.
3. Go out on your own to a nightclub or something and meet people there. If you don't speak to anyone, it's very unlikely you'll get a personal invite so you have to take it upon yourself to go out by yourself. Trust me, no one will notice that you've gone on your own and it's okay if you don't make new friends on the first night, but keep trying.
4. Search up about how to join societies and what societies are available. I know you said no info has been given, but really try to find out. It's probably the easiest way you'll make friends.
5. In pretty much every university I've looked at, they offer counselling services. So try to find out if your uni does and if they do, go. It will be helpful. You'll have someone to talk to and someone that can guide you and help you settle in. They'll be very used to that kinda thing.
6. It's only been a month, people may have made friends already but most people won't be entirely settled down into their friendship groups. Don't feel like it's too late to make friends, because it's not. You've just got to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. It will be uncomfortable and awkward for a while, but I can promise you, you will be so thankful that you did it later.
7. Lastly, don't give up. As I said, it's only been a month, you're not the only person that hasn't settled down yet. Keep pushing through until at least February and if it's still a horrible experience by then, then maybe it's just not the right thing for you.
Sorry that I've gone on a lot, but I really hope this helps. Good luck!
Original post by Gax
I feel you, bro. I was the same when I first got to uni, but over time I learned that introducing myself and making friends is the best way to beat that loneliness. You will find yourself getting invited out and people will actually come to you to sit with you in lectures. Also, it helps when you're struggling with schoolwork and need one of your coursemates to help you out
Saying the best way to beat loneliness is to make friends is not helpful advice. Everyone knows the solution, but the making of friends is what we find hard.
Original post by neal95
I think you are mainly feeling this because obvioulsy, for whatever reason, you made the decision to go into housing with 2nd and 3rd years, who probably know each other as they lived together last year or went on nights out together etc. i really feel sorry for you at the minute because it has totally ruined your university experience. were you forced by parents in to saving more money by moving in to shared accomodation? i mean it wouldnt be as bad if you were a second year and moved in with friends which is what usually happens.
also, what negatives about birmingham are there? i want to here about the staff, your peers, your course etc etc as i am interested in going there for 2015 entry
also, what negatives about birmingham are there? i want to here about the staff, your peers, your course etc etc as i am interested in going there for 2015 entry
I was put into shared because of my financial situation at the time, plus i knew i wouldnt get my finances till later on meaning i wouldnt have been able to pay up. Well that what i assumed anyways!!
Birmingham is okay depending on the area your living in, the city centre is the main hotspot attraction and theres plenty of things to do, although i would advise making sure you buy yourself a travelcard other wise be prepared to pay £4 in correct change everyday.
Its probabaly best from my mistake to figure out where you can ask for help, whether the libary for books or directions as it is pretty tough when your struggling to find your lesson and everyone around is in a major rush aswell so just make sure you get to grips with the campus and area your in.
Original post by Layleexx
Hey, I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I'm going to say it as bluntly as possible. Maybe the problem is you. And I don't mean that in a mean way, I just want you to change your perspective and perhaps realise that these things can be changed by you. As you said, "nobody cares much to help you", so you should try to help yourself. I'm going to give you advice that will hopefully help you.
1. Try to ignore the awkward looks you get from the girls in your house. And I mean full on ignore it, don't process it, don't think about it. And then start a conversation with them. It can be about anything, I'm 99% sure they won't shut you down. And I know putting yourself out there to like 5 girls in one go may be daunting so maybe try to get two of them on their own and then approach them. Or maybe even just one of them. Did you ever stop to think that they may not make an effort with you because you don't make an effort with them? They might think that you want to be left alone. If you still find this too difficult, maybe try drinking a bit (alcohol) and then approach them. Or propose that you all play a drinking game. Drinking will really help to stop you feeling awkward and worrying about what other people think.
2. In lectures, make an effort to ensure that you sit next to someone. Again, I'm 99% sure they won't mind. Pretty much everyone is the same when starting university: they won't know anyone and are dying to be accepted. Even if the person you sit with has found their place, they'll most likely know how you feel and be accepting.
3. Go out on your own to a nightclub or something and meet people there. If you don't speak to anyone, it's very unlikely you'll get a personal invite so you have to take it upon yourself to go out by yourself. Trust me, no one will notice that you've gone on your own and it's okay if you don't make new friends on the first night, but keep trying.
4. Search up about how to join societies and what societies are available. I know you said no info has been given, but really try to find out. It's probably the easiest way you'll make friends.
5. In pretty much every university I've looked at, they offer counselling services. So try to find out if your uni does and if they do, go. It will be helpful. You'll have someone to talk to and someone that can guide you and help you settle in. They'll be very used to that kinda thing.
6. It's only been a month, people may have made friends already but most people won't be entirely settled down into their friendship groups. Don't feel like it's too late to make friends, because it's not. You've just got to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. It will be uncomfortable and awkward for a while, but I can promise you, you will be so thankful that you did it later.
7. Lastly, don't give up. As I said, it's only been a month, you're not the only person that hasn't settled down yet. Keep pushing through until at least February and if it's still a horrible experience by then, then maybe it's just not the right thing for you.
Sorry that I've gone on a lot, but I really hope this helps. Good luck!
1. Try to ignore the awkward looks you get from the girls in your house. And I mean full on ignore it, don't process it, don't think about it. And then start a conversation with them. It can be about anything, I'm 99% sure they won't shut you down. And I know putting yourself out there to like 5 girls in one go may be daunting so maybe try to get two of them on their own and then approach them. Or maybe even just one of them. Did you ever stop to think that they may not make an effort with you because you don't make an effort with them? They might think that you want to be left alone. If you still find this too difficult, maybe try drinking a bit (alcohol) and then approach them. Or propose that you all play a drinking game. Drinking will really help to stop you feeling awkward and worrying about what other people think.
2. In lectures, make an effort to ensure that you sit next to someone. Again, I'm 99% sure they won't mind. Pretty much everyone is the same when starting university: they won't know anyone and are dying to be accepted. Even if the person you sit with has found their place, they'll most likely know how you feel and be accepting.
3. Go out on your own to a nightclub or something and meet people there. If you don't speak to anyone, it's very unlikely you'll get a personal invite so you have to take it upon yourself to go out by yourself. Trust me, no one will notice that you've gone on your own and it's okay if you don't make new friends on the first night, but keep trying.
4. Search up about how to join societies and what societies are available. I know you said no info has been given, but really try to find out. It's probably the easiest way you'll make friends.
5. In pretty much every university I've looked at, they offer counselling services. So try to find out if your uni does and if they do, go. It will be helpful. You'll have someone to talk to and someone that can guide you and help you settle in. They'll be very used to that kinda thing.
6. It's only been a month, people may have made friends already but most people won't be entirely settled down into their friendship groups. Don't feel like it's too late to make friends, because it's not. You've just got to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. It will be uncomfortable and awkward for a while, but I can promise you, you will be so thankful that you did it later.
7. Lastly, don't give up. As I said, it's only been a month, you're not the only person that hasn't settled down yet. Keep pushing through until at least February and if it's still a horrible experience by then, then maybe it's just not the right thing for you.
Sorry that I've gone on a lot, but I really hope this helps. Good luck!
I totally understand what your saying ive thought about seeing it from a different perspective! I have spoken to atleast two of the girls on their own and they did sit down and have a small conversation with me. But when they are in their big group thats when things turn awkward and almost act like we have never spoke but yeah im going to see it through for another few weeks and see how i feel. But i highly doubt things will change.
Oh and as for the lessons same thing happend i sat with a group of people they seemed nice at first until they eventually started to ignore me in the group discussions we had, so eventually i stopped forcing myself, as the other group are like in their mid 20s its probably best i sit solo.
Original post by itsalwayswendy
Coming to birmingham has been the worst month of my life!! Everyone hypes on how first year is the best when infact its been the worst.
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
I dont live in halls i live in shared housing with 6 girls.(Long story)They dont talk to me since their 2/3 years, i often avoid being downstairs when they are as i always without fail get awkward stares like why you here! Usually tend to stay in my room and only go out to by take away to ease my depression.
I have no friends in my lectures i sit by myself and discuss in groups by myself. I havent been on a night out once,neither have i been invited. I was never informed of any societies so have never joined and dont know where to either! The uni has not made the experience being here easy and nobody cares much to help you. I get the independent thing, but there must be some obvious out there for people like me right?
Living a life of isolation has given me insomnia, anxiety and mad depression and you would think that in a place like birmingham they would be plenty to do yeah thats if you have friends!! Everyone knows each other and theres just me the loner.. i just really want to drop out and go home work and never ever go back to uni!
I really wish I could help you.
My advice would be to try and stick it out for a couple of weeks more if you can, as it's still early into the year.
Definitely try and join a few societies if you can, I think that's the best way to make friends as there you will find people with common interests.
Also just make sure you keep talking to people. It's terrible you think you've got insomnia, anxiety & depression, but I just feel that opening up to someone really helps you get the burden off your chest. So perhaps try speaking to councillors at your uni or your parents.
Also are you able to by any chance transfer from Birmingham to another university which is perhaps closer to home.
And remember if you need to talk just PM me and I would love to try and help you through this
(edited 9 years ago)
I wanna go home, I wanna go hoooooooome, Birmingham's a shithole I wanna go home.
I feel the exact same way you do, but that other poster is right, I've realised too you have to make the effort yourself, make yourself known and get out and do things.
I feel the exact same way you do, but that other poster is right, I've realised too you have to make the effort yourself, make yourself known and get out and do things.
Original post by WILLMUSIC88
Bro, fair enough with some of what you've said but jeez you sound so bitter.
You've literally just described what one of the problems with uni is.
You've already been, graduated and have been moving from job to job, interspersed with unemployment and have obviously not been able to get the job you want/what people think they will get after being a "graduate". Yet you are going to be returning to Uni for the second time? And on top of that you are having to fund it too? Even more debt then.
Maybe this person needs a year to work and reconsider their options? Yes they have said they don't think they would ever go back if they left but who says that they are ignoring other education options entirely? In my case I would drop out (for reasons explained above) and after a year of working (hopefully in my old job) would either go and study a more specific aspect of my course at a very well respected academy closer to my home, or I would apply for the A level management scheme that the company I used to work for offers. You see, its different things for different people.
Yes I would have debt to pay off + accommodation, but guess what, who cares. Your either paying it now or in 3 years. And your whole freedom argument? Honestly I prefer being kept busy, and working would suit me far more than this does. Maybe thats also the case of the OP.
One of my very close friends dropped out of Uni within two weeks, and guess what? He is very happy, its a weight off his shoulders and he can take the time to consider what he really wants to do while working.
You are just acting fairly aggressive in my opinion without actually knowing what they are specifically dealing with. Nobody can pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum. In the end its the OP's decision and no one else's.
You've literally just described what one of the problems with uni is.
You've already been, graduated and have been moving from job to job, interspersed with unemployment and have obviously not been able to get the job you want/what people think they will get after being a "graduate". Yet you are going to be returning to Uni for the second time? And on top of that you are having to fund it too? Even more debt then.
Maybe this person needs a year to work and reconsider their options? Yes they have said they don't think they would ever go back if they left but who says that they are ignoring other education options entirely? In my case I would drop out (for reasons explained above) and after a year of working (hopefully in my old job) would either go and study a more specific aspect of my course at a very well respected academy closer to my home, or I would apply for the A level management scheme that the company I used to work for offers. You see, its different things for different people.
Yes I would have debt to pay off + accommodation, but guess what, who cares. Your either paying it now or in 3 years. And your whole freedom argument? Honestly I prefer being kept busy, and working would suit me far more than this does. Maybe thats also the case of the OP.
One of my very close friends dropped out of Uni within two weeks, and guess what? He is very happy, its a weight off his shoulders and he can take the time to consider what he really wants to do while working.
You are just acting fairly aggressive in my opinion without actually knowing what they are specifically dealing with. Nobody can pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum. In the end its the OP's decision and no one else's.
I'm not bitter in the slightest. I'm presuming that your post was directed at me?
Don't you think your attitude is at odds with itself when you say this:
You've already been, graduated and have been moving from job to job, interspersed with unemployment and have obviously not been able to get the job you want/what people think they will get after being a "graduate". Yet you are going to be returning to Uni for the second time? And on top of that you are having to fund it too? Even more debt then
and then this:
You are just acting fairly aggressive in my opinion without actually knowing what they are specifically dealing with. Nobody can pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum.
Without going into too much detail or trying to justify my life to you (since I really don't have to). I graduated into the deepest recession since the second world war and my unemployment after securing my first graduate job was as a result of compulsory redundancy due to the liquidation of the company...due to...guess what? Get back to me once you've experienced that. I'm returning to university to do a vocational Masters degree which I'm actually funding myself through my job and previous jobs that I've had since graduating - so no, I won't be in any debt whatsoever. I wouldn't even consider it if it would put me in debt. So I agree with at least one thing you've said - you shouldn't pass judgement that quickly over an internet forum.
Unless a person has created another avenue to explore then just simply 'dropping out' is not a great option - that was one of the points I was trying to make. Of course, uni isn't for everyone and if they find it completely awful and wish to do something else then that's their choice - but they ought to set something else up for themselves (a job/a different course/work experience) before dropping out. I was assuming that this was just common sense and I didn't have to spell it out, so I didn't.
As for your anecdotal evidence about your friend dropping out of uni, that's genuinely great for them but it obviously doesn't work out that way for a lot of other people and I was trying to warn against that. Underemployment/unemployment is very real and some people think they'll be immune to it because they're in a comfortable bubble of education and it just 'happens to other people'. Dropping out with no plan was what I was trying to advise against - dropping out with decent job to go to is a different conversation.
Yes I would have debt to pay off + accommodation, but guess what, who cares. Your either paying it now or in 3 years
Actually, you should care. It's not as simple as that (http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/How_Dropping_Out_Will_Affect_Your_Finances). It's best not to be so cavalier with financial matters especially at a young age with thousands of pounds.
Birmingham societies page http://www.guildofstudents.com/groupsandvolunteering/studentgroups/groupsandsocieties/
you can email committee memebrs if you want more details or check out Facebook pages, there is probably still a Birmigham freshers Facebook page.
You are going to have to make more effort yourself.
you can email committee memebrs if you want more details or check out Facebook pages, there is probably still a Birmigham freshers Facebook page.
You are going to have to make more effort yourself.
Original post by itsalwayswendy
blah
Right. I have some parallels with your story.
Anyway, my first year wasen't great. I was in a flat with 5 girls and only really got on with one of them. They didn't even get on with themselves. I felt as though I was missing out and was a bit frustrated and wanted to do more with my time to be honest.
Anyway, first year was a bit of a dud for me, i'm not the partying type and didn't really click with many people on my campus, which was tiny at only 400 onsite and 2,000 pupils total and very rural. Worked hard and passed first year. I too spent quite a bit of time in my room, I did go next door and walk a bit with a friend but that was it. I went out about 5 or 6 times, not a big drinker at all.
So for second year I decided I needed to move to the city and that's when Uni really began. I joined a society and never looked back. I had maybe 4 friends outside of the society? It's where I spent most of my time. I'd only be back at my second year halls to sleep, literally. My day started at 5am and finished at 11pm most of the time. I was constantly doing stuff, when I wasen't at uni I was with my society. I stayed with them through third year as well, traveled the country and won a couple of competitions etc.
I had to make the first step though.... Moving to the city was a big thing for me for starters and getting on a bus at night to somewhere I'd never been to before and wasn't very sure where I was supposed to get off took a bit of confidence.
BUT.....none of what I achived (which, thinking about it was actually more important that what I achieved academically) and the fantastic things that followed would have happened if I hadn't taken that first step.
The Uni won't do it for you. You've got to go out there and find a society, then go to it. I just thought of a sport I'd seen at the olyimpics, searched my uni name and the sport and up came the club, winged off an email and they said come down to see if you like it.
I hope you read all my post as I think it could help you in enjoying uni more.
Joining a society was the best thing I ever did at Uni and I never, ever looked back, it was the making of both me and my time at University.
You should too.
(edited 9 years ago)
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Official University of Chester 2023 Applicant Thread
- Is there any way I can be considered for extenuating circumstances?
- Job/Internship in the Uk
- Best unis for engineering?
- Official University of Chester Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entry
- Do you guys think I have a solid chance of getting into ucl cs without FM?
- Please help - Politics/Economics/International Relations
- Personal Statement
- Can I apply to University with just provisional drivers license?
- Leeds Law 2024
- Transferring to another university
- Pharmacy at Uclan University
- A-Level or GSCE Maths
- Alevel uni subjects help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Uni for a 2nd time
- English Lit, History and Film Studies A-Levels
- Should I go for a college or stay in the school sixth form?
- bsc management
- Aerospace engineering (foundation year)?
- DVLA application for motorcycle license
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Got a third in my second year and the highest I’ve achieved in third year was 55%Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Got a third in my second year and the highest I’ve achieved in third year was 55%
