What is better: Arranged or a love marriage?
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Love marriage, firstly its a copule in which people respect and like each other, secondly it lasts longer than an arranged one (as a rule). Moreover an arranged marriage would be a step backwards into times where this restrictive way of marriage was common. No one should determine the life of the others, not even parents or another relatives.
(edited 9 years ago)
If I don't find someone myself before the age of 23, i'll turn to family 
But ideally, i'd need to get to know the person very well before getting engaged (our personalities and sense of humour need to be very similar and he should be a practicing muslim). His family may lie to get their son married to me so I need to do my own research 
But ideally, i'd need to get to know the person very well before getting engaged (our personalities and sense of humour need to be very similar and he should be a practicing muslim). His family may lie to get their son married to me so I need to do my own research (edited 9 years ago)
Original post by tazarooni89
It's not limited to the selection of your parents, it's arranged by your parents. Hence the name "arranged marriage".
Parents arrange a match and this has no commitment. Therefore it still is limited to the selection of parents. If your eventual spouse is someone your parents 'suggested' then you are limited to the selection of parents, clearly.
Can you tell me what your definition of an arranged marriage is and the variables for it?
Sure it is. If the marriage is arranged by parents then it is an arranged marriage; regardless of how the initial meeting occurred. Unless you don't know what the word "arranged" means, I don't know how this can be made any more clear 
If you propose to someone who you've met on your lonesome but let your parents organise a wedding, that isn't an arranged marriage. Most marriages are like that.
Unless your parents are forcing you to marry someone, or unless you have decided from beforehand that you will marry whoever they say without exercising your right to refuse, then no, your parents are not choosing your spouse. They are suggesting your spouse.
Having a "choice" in something means that, what you say goes. If you have the right to refuse your parents suggestions then it is not their choice.
Having a "choice" in something means that, what you say goes. If you have the right to refuse your parents suggestions then it is not their choice.
They are still choosing your spousal candidates. If you get married to one of these candidates then you are marrying one of the choices of your parents.
If you have three job offers you have three choices, not three suggestions, because you will inevitably choose one of the jobs unless you decide you don't want to be employed.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by h3isenberg
Parents arrange a match and this has no commitment. Therefore it still is limited to the selection of parents. If your eventual spouse is someone your parents 'suggested' then you are limited to the selection of parents, clearly.
No you aren't. You could marry someone your parents suggested without being actually limited to a choice from amongst people they suggested. If I am entitled to marry absolutely whomever I like, but the person I end up choosing happens to be someone of their suggestion, then I'm not "limited" to anything. I could have married someone entirely different but just chose not to.
Can you tell me what your definition of an arranged marriage is and the variables for it?
If you propose to someone who you've met on your lonesome but let your parents organise a wedding, that isn't an arranged marriage. Most marriages are like that.
If you propose to someone who you've met on your lonesome but let your parents organise a wedding, that isn't an arranged marriage. Most marriages are like that.
True; but if you meet someone of your own accord, and then your parents organise not only the ceremony and festivities on the wedding day itself, but also the actual fact that this marriage will take place (e.g. contacting the other party and perhaps their family to find out if they're willing to consider this marriage, setting up a framework in which the potential bride and groom can get to know each other even better and finalise their decision to get married, offering advice as to whether or not it is an ideal match etc.) then it is an arranged marriage.
One typical feature of arranged marriages, for example, is not for the man to ask the woman "Will you marry me", but to ask his parents "Can you please ask the woman's parents to ask her if she will marry me?" And then the response might be relayed back through the parents as well; the same way that an offer to buy or sell a house might go through estate agents, or an offer for a job might go through recruitment agents. If nothing else, it saves a bit of awkwardness if the answer is "no"; especially if the proposal is made by the woman.
They are still choosing your spousal candidates. If you get married to one of these candidates then you are marrying one of the choices of your parents.
If you have three job offers you have three choices, not three suggestions, because you will inevitably choose one of the jobs unless you decide you don't want to be employed.
If you have three job offers you have three choices, not three suggestions, because you will inevitably choose one of the jobs unless you decide you don't want to be employed.
But you could, potentially, have chosen to refuse all three and apply for a different job instead. Which means you're not limited to just those three jobs.
If, for example, I'm an actor, and my agent presents me with offers to star in three films, I have the choice of either selecting one of them, or rejecting them all and asking my agent to find me something else, or seeing an advert for another role by myself and asking my agent to sort out the logistics of actually putting me forward for the part.
The role I ultimately take is entirely down to my own choice, it is not limited to roles that my agent suggests - in fact the agent has no final say at all. I just employ my agent to "make all the arrangements". In many arranged marriages, parents literally the agents of the potential bride or groom (and not just wedding planners).
(edited 9 years ago)
I'm 16 and intend to get married to my boyfriend in about 7 or 8 years. We both can picture us 2 in the future one day though I'm quite unsure atm what if I'm not happy with him?? There are so many love marriages that donMt work out and they terrify me..
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Would prefer to be in love tbh...
I think you're being a bit naive..
Original post by zahraiqbal786
I'm 16 and intend to get married to my boyfriend in about 7 or 8 years. We both can picture us 2 in the future one day though I'm quite unsure atm what if I'm not happy with him?? There are so many love marriages that donMt work out and they terrify me..
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I think you're being a bit naive..
Original post by zahraiqbal786
I'm 16 and intend to get married to my boyfriend in about 7 or 8 years. We both can picture us 2 in the future one day though I'm quite unsure atm what if I'm not happy with him?? There are so many love marriages that donMt work out and they terrify me..
Would it be better for you when your parents choose your future husband? do you want that your parents determine your life in an important matter?
Original post by Sheikh.google
Jog on mate.
Not trying to offend anyone's race.
But we all know Pakistani men Have never been blessed with good looks.
Not trying to offend anyone's race.
But we all know Pakistani men Have never been blessed with good looks.
Ha!
Society doesn't work like that in this country. Its a rarity for girls to approach guys.
One of my friends in a Pakistani model. He gets less looks than one of my white friends whom is the same build and a decent looking guy.
There are "assisted" marriages, which probably have the best of both. I want to get married in the coming years, but I would like to get to know someone first. I doubt I'd ever "fall in love" with someone before getting married to them. Not sure what "falling in love" means anyway lol. But it's good not to over think things. It's just tough meeting people and getting to know them without the pressure of "am I going to spend the rest of my life with this person". Takes the fun out of it lol.
My sister met her husband twice before agreeing to marry him and now they're really happily married. My brother met my sister in law a handful of times (in a family setting as far as I know) and they spoke on the phone too and they're also happily married. Lord knows whats going to happen with my prospective husband.
My sister met her husband twice before agreeing to marry him and now they're really happily married. My brother met my sister in law a handful of times (in a family setting as far as I know) and they spoke on the phone too and they're also happily married. Lord knows whats going to happen with my prospective husband.
Original post by mariachi
Arranged marriages used to be the rule among middle and upper classes in Western Europe until not long ago.
Luckily, this is no longer true.
Luckily, this is no longer true.
Yeah, that is right. The middle and upper classes as you said have even coupled distant relations (girl cousins and cousins) just to keep the class. Not to mention what happened when these marriages got children.
As someone once said, 'getting married is like jumping off a building. The difference between arranged marriage and love marriage is, that in arranged marriage the couple is pushed down the building by family and relatives, whereas in love marriage the couple decides to voluntarily jump off the building'. Both couples end up in the same place, still.
Okay, jokes aside. I think both arranged and love marriage can be good or bad. It's about luck. I personally would prefer love after marriage i.e. arranged marriage. I am not against love marriage though. I still wonder why relationships last 7-8 years, but the moment the couple gets married the love 'dies'.
Unfortunately, from what it seems, we are living in a time where relationships generally don't last long any more. I just want people to change my thinking, by showing me examples of successful marriages that last forever (well, till they die).
Okay, jokes aside. I think both arranged and love marriage can be good or bad. It's about luck. I personally would prefer love after marriage i.e. arranged marriage. I am not against love marriage though. I still wonder why relationships last 7-8 years, but the moment the couple gets married the love 'dies'.
Unfortunately, from what it seems, we are living in a time where relationships generally don't last long any more. I just want people to change my thinking, by showing me examples of successful marriages that last forever (well, till they die).
Original post by K1NG93
It doesn't really matter to me tbh. I've no shortage of girls as I'm good looking obviously as I'm a Pakistani and not an Indian. I get asked out everyday at uni by some girl. Too bad I've to say no as I'm not ready yet. But when the time comes for marriage, I'll know which one is the best for me although I must say that there is nothing wrong with either way of marriage.
Too bad your extremely obnoxious then? Your only flaw
😮
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by zahraiqbal786
I'm 16 and intend to get married to my boyfriend in about 7 or 8 years. We both can picture us 2 in the future one day though I'm quite unsure atm what if I'm not happy with him?? There are so many love marriages that donMt work out and they terrify me..
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Probably just see if you're together in 8 years...
I may seem old fashioned and orthodox but I support arranged marriage.It gives you thrill to unfold a gift pack.Gradually you come to know about each other which makes relation interesting for a longer period than love marriage.Both partners try to adjust because of zero expectations from each other.
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