I just want to share my recent experience to further show that what has happened to your friend is an abnormality and definitely not what happens in the majority of cases.
I have had issues with pain when using tampons since the age of around 15/16 which then went on to be pain during intercourse once I was sexually active. I have been to see the doctor about this previously and nothing was done about it. So, when it came to having my first smear done last August, I was really apprehensive. This was discussed with my GP surgery and a longer appointment was booked for me so the nurse had more time to do it. When it came to having the smear, I again suffered the pain I normally experience down below. The nurse was aware of this and tried everything she could to do the smear without causing me pain, but she unfortunately couldn't do it. I have since seen the GP and been referred on to the gynaecologist at the hospital.
Although I experienced pain, this is not a usual experience. It is due to other medical issues that have now been picked up. All the people I have seen were really patient, answered all my questions, showed me what "instruments" they were going to use, and talked me through everything that happened.
I think people are put off having their smear done because they think it is going to hurt and aren't really sure what is going to happen. This may be through lack of education regarding the process, and also bad word of mouth from friends and family. I am not sure if this is nationwide, but I certainly received quite a few letters from the local health service reminding me to come in for a smear, and each letter was accompanied by a great leaflet explaining everything. I really don't think the process is "rapey" - what happened to your friend is obviously horrible for her, but that doesn't sound normal for this procedure.