Sending 3 yr old to his room
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
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Original post by BlackberryBoss
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
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Totally unethical, how dare you.
hahahahaha you're worrying about the ethics of sending a naughty child to his room, some of us received a smack on the bottom; which was very effective.
Original post by BlackberryBoss
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Regarding whether it's helping him - think about these questions and try to answer them honestly:
Do you think your son understands in the sense that he properly connects I hit/kick=time in my room?
Does he see time in his room as a really negative thing?
Does this action of sending him to his room give him a lot of attention in response to his negative behaviours?
Does it seem to be working on improving his behaviour?
I know that working with children is absolutely completely different to having a child, and that strategies you use for behaviour are going to vary accordingly. But I have worked with children... seriously, try the positive positive approach. Give him some reward for not hitting for an appropriate amount of time (e.g. if he hits once a day give him a sticker or 20 minutes of cuddle TV time or something if he doesn't hit for a whole day). If you have other children praise their good behaviour in an overly enthusiastic/attentive way. Also praise the good, kind behaviour your son shows. Phrase things positively e.g. don't say Don't hit, say 'Have kind hands'. Whenever possible give him a choice (two options which are both equally acceptable to you). If you see him getting angry give him a quiet place to cool down, maybe with a sensory element (sensory bottle, cuddly toys). After any hitting etc, when he has calmed down, discuss it with him, focussing on how it made the victim feel AND why he did it/how he felt, then how he can make it better. Try to figure out why he's doing it and tackle that rather than the behaviour itself. Attention? Sensory overload? Anger? Copying someone/thing he's seen?
I know it's very much easier typed on TSR than done consistently, but have a go
Good luck! And remember, it's a common sort of behaviour for children his age to develop so don't panic, don't be hard on yourself and know that with your love and consistency he will likely move past it, especially as he develops more social awareness.xxx
I would go for a step or corner or specific spot elsewhere in the house, rather than his room to be honest. You don't want him to associate his room with a place of 'punishment' because that will end up being really counter-productive when it comes to bedtimes. There's a chance he might start refusing to go to bed because he'll feel as though he's being punished.
But no, it's not unethical to give a child a time out if they're being disruptive. Even adults would do well to remove themselves from difficult situations for a while. I know when I have an argument with my husband, it helps if I leave the room for a while to calm down - there's nothing wrong with that.
I have to disagree with this, I'm sorry. Your other point, about praising the boy's good behaviour, I do agree with. However comparing him to his siblings is only going to lead to sibling rivalry and cause more tension. Comparing children is one of the worst things you can do. It causes feelings of inadequacy. How would you feel if you were always being told "look at your sister/brother? they're behaving properly"? Resentment and bitter feelings towards his siblings could very easily erupt.
Do you have much experience with 3 year olds? No it's not too young for a time out to be effective, but quite HOW effective depends more on the personality of the child really, and whether or not it's consistent and used appropriately.
But no, it's not unethical to give a child a time out if they're being disruptive. Even adults would do well to remove themselves from difficult situations for a while. I know when I have an argument with my husband, it helps if I leave the room for a while to calm down - there's nothing wrong with that.
Original post by kpwxx
If you have other children praise their good behaviour in an overly enthusiastic/attentive way.
I have to disagree with this, I'm sorry. Your other point, about praising the boy's good behaviour, I do agree with. However comparing him to his siblings is only going to lead to sibling rivalry and cause more tension. Comparing children is one of the worst things you can do. It causes feelings of inadequacy. How would you feel if you were always being told "look at your sister/brother? they're behaving properly"? Resentment and bitter feelings towards his siblings could very easily erupt.
Original post by kkboyk
Isn't he a bit young for that to be effective?
Do you have much experience with 3 year olds? No it's not too young for a time out to be effective, but quite HOW effective depends more on the personality of the child really, and whether or not it's consistent and used appropriately.
(edited 9 years ago)
I think "discussing" this with him would be more effective than sending him to the room. Psychological charge is very powerful and can influence his behaviour.
Now, admittedly, I'm not in a position to know how a 3 year old would react to a small chat, but I'd still say give it a go!
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Now, admittedly, I'm not in a position to know how a 3 year old would react to a small chat, but I'd still say give it a go!
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Original post by PinkMobilePhone
I have to disagree with this, I'm sorry. Your other point, about praising the boy's good behaviour, I do agree with. However comparing him to his siblings is only going to lead to sibling rivalry and cause more tension. Comparing children is one of the worst things you can do. It causes feelings of inadequacy. How would you feel if you were always being told "look at your sister/brother? they're behaving properly"? Resentment and bitter feelings towards his siblings could very easily erupt.
.
I have to disagree with this, I'm sorry. Your other point, about praising the boy's good behaviour, I do agree with. However comparing him to his siblings is only going to lead to sibling rivalry and cause more tension. Comparing children is one of the worst things you can do. It causes feelings of inadequacy. How would you feel if you were always being told "look at your sister/brother? they're behaving properly"? Resentment and bitter feelings towards his siblings could very easily erupt.
.
I wouldn't directly compare them at all - saying look at your sister etc. I would make a point of not even bringing it up to the first, it would be purely for the child you were praising. When I say overly enthusiastic I mean praise even small things or things that they do all the time anyway - they are still praise worthy. What I mean is, when you see a good behaviour praise it. This is good for the siblings behaviour in itself (otherwise you could say don't praise the boy as his siblings might feel bad!). Also
it doesn't take long for children to notice that positive behaviour is noticed and appreciated.
If you're ever with a group of children and one of them does something you would rather they didn't - clicking noises or swinging on chairs or similar - often saying '(Please) don't swing on your chair' will just result in other children joining in too. Whereas if you say to some of the other children 'Great sitting - well done' the child swinging will more often than not stop immediately, because you're reminding them that positive things are noticed. You can then thank them/praise their good choice too. So instead of highlighting a negative and bringing them down, you're reminding them in a different way what is expected and then they get happiness from it too.
xxx
I send him to his room then after 5 minutes discuss why he was sent. He absolutely hates being sent there yet continues to misbehave. I tell him not to do something and it clearly makes him want to do it even more even though he knows theres a chance of getting sent to his room.. really hope he stops the kicking etc soon... Not even sure how he learnt all these moves.. Im wondering if its from cartoons.
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Original post by kpwxx
Regarding whether it's helping him - think about these questions and try to answer them honestly:
Do you think your son understands in the sense that he properly connects I hit/kick=time in my room?
Does he see time in his room as a really negative thing?
Does this action of sending him to his room give him a lot of attention in response to his negative behaviours?
Does it seem to be working on improving his behaviour?
I know that working with children is absolutely completely different to having a child, and that strategies you use for behaviour are going to vary accordingly. But I have worked with children... seriously, try the positive positive approach. Give him some reward for not hitting for an appropriate amount of time (e.g. if he hits once a day give him a sticker or 20 minutes of cuddle TV time or something if he doesn't hit for a whole day). If you have other children praise their good behaviour in an overly enthusiastic/attentive way. Also praise the good, kind behaviour your son shows. Phrase things positively e.g. don't say Don't hit, say 'Have kind hands'. Whenever possible give him a choice (two options which are both equally acceptable to you). If you see him getting angry give him a quiet place to cool down, maybe with a sensory element (sensory bottle, cuddly toys). After any hitting etc, when he has calmed down, discuss it with him, focussing on how it made the victim feel AND why he did it/how he felt, then how he can make it better. Try to figure out why he's doing it and tackle that rather than the behaviour itself. Attention? Sensory overload? Anger? Copying someone/thing he's seen?
I know it's very much easier typed on TSR than done consistently, but have a go Good luck! And remember, it's a common sort of behaviour for children his age to develop so don't panic, don't be hard on yourself and know that with your love and consistency he will likely move past it, especially as he develops more social awareness.
xxx
Do you think your son understands in the sense that he properly connects I hit/kick=time in my room?
Does he see time in his room as a really negative thing?
Does this action of sending him to his room give him a lot of attention in response to his negative behaviours?
Does it seem to be working on improving his behaviour?
I know that working with children is absolutely completely different to having a child, and that strategies you use for behaviour are going to vary accordingly. But I have worked with children... seriously, try the positive positive approach. Give him some reward for not hitting for an appropriate amount of time (e.g. if he hits once a day give him a sticker or 20 minutes of cuddle TV time or something if he doesn't hit for a whole day). If you have other children praise their good behaviour in an overly enthusiastic/attentive way. Also praise the good, kind behaviour your son shows. Phrase things positively e.g. don't say Don't hit, say 'Have kind hands'. Whenever possible give him a choice (two options which are both equally acceptable to you). If you see him getting angry give him a quiet place to cool down, maybe with a sensory element (sensory bottle, cuddly toys). After any hitting etc, when he has calmed down, discuss it with him, focussing on how it made the victim feel AND why he did it/how he felt, then how he can make it better. Try to figure out why he's doing it and tackle that rather than the behaviour itself. Attention? Sensory overload? Anger? Copying someone/thing he's seen?
I know it's very much easier typed on TSR than done consistently, but have a go
Good luck! And remember, it's a common sort of behaviour for children his age to develop so don't panic, don't be hard on yourself and know that with your love and consistency he will likely move past it, especially as he develops more social awareness.xxx
Hmmm might use some of these tactics.
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Original post by BlackberryBoss
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
3 year old boys are about as naughty as you can get to be honest, so don't worry because hopefully it won't last too long. Sometimes it can be worth finding out if there's any particularly reason why he does it -eg I was looking after one of my nephews recently and he was swearing a lot and then later the same day I witnessed his dad to the same thing, and children of that age are obviously too young to understand that some people are hypocrites and will swear themselves while telling their kids not too...
He might be doing it for attention, in which case sending him to his room, even though he finds it unpleasant, is still what he wants in a weird way. What I tend to do is just put on a stupid voice and go 'DID YOU JUST HIT ME?!' then look really sad lol, sometimes they might just be restless so you could challenge him to a race outside or something... Imo you shouldn't draw attention to it in a big way though, make him empathise the the person being hit (by looking upset or something) maybe, but the key is understanding why he's doing it
Original post by Wahrheit
3 year old boys are about as naughty as you can get to be honest, so don't worry because hopefully it won't last too long. Sometimes it can be worth finding out if there's any particularly reason why he does it -eg I was looking after one of my nephews recently and he was swearing a lot and then later the same day I witnessed his dad to the same thing, and children of that age are obviously too young to understand that some people are hypocrites and will swear themselves while telling their kids not too...
He might be doing it for attention, in which case sending him to his room, even though he finds it unpleasant, is still what he wants in a weird way. What I tend to do is just put on a stupid voice and go 'DID YOU JUST HIT ME?!' then look really sad lol, sometimes they might just be restless so you could challenge him to a race outside or something... Imo you shouldn't draw attention to it in a big way though, make him empathise the the person being hit (by looking upset or something) maybe, but the key is understanding why he's doing it
He might be doing it for attention, in which case sending him to his room, even though he finds it unpleasant, is still what he wants in a weird way. What I tend to do is just put on a stupid voice and go 'DID YOU JUST HIT ME?!' then look really sad lol, sometimes they might just be restless so you could challenge him to a race outside or something... Imo you shouldn't draw attention to it in a big way though, make him empathise the the person being hit (by looking upset or something) maybe, but the key is understanding why he's doing it
Ive tried the looking sad thing but he finds it funny if Im upset so will do it again. I genuinely think he simply finds being bad enjoyable as he is most happy when hes causing some annoyance or unhappiness. I hope he grows out of it soon.
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I used to just get a slap on the ass or a clip round the ear - works
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Original post by BlackberryBoss
Ive tried the looking sad thing but he finds it funny if Im upset so will do it again. I genuinely think he simply finds being bad enjoyable as he is most happy when hes causing some annoyance or unhappiness. I hope he grows out of it soon.
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Try giving him loads of praise when he does something good, he might be misbehaving because he's realised he gets more attention when he does
Original post by BlackberryBoss
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Don't hate. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2v9i-2laG-Y
Original post by kpwxx
I wouldn't directly compare them at all - saying look at your sister etc. I would make a point of not even bringing it up to the first, it would be purely for the child you were praising. When I say overly enthusiastic I mean praise even small things or things that they do all the time anyway - they are still praise worthy. What I mean is, when you see a good behaviour praise it. This is good for the siblings behaviour in itself (otherwise you could say don't praise the boy as his siblings might feel bad!). Also
it doesn't take long for children to notice that positive behaviour is noticed and appreciated.
If you're ever with a group of children and one of them does something you would rather they didn't - clicking noises or swinging on chairs or similar - often saying '(Please) don't swing on your chair' will just result in other children joining in too. Whereas if you say to some of the other children 'Great sitting - well done' the child swinging will more often than not stop immediately, because you're reminding them that positive things are noticed. You can then thank them/praise their good choice too. So instead of highlighting a negative and bringing them down, you're reminding them in a different way what is expected and then they get happiness from it too.
xxx
it doesn't take long for children to notice that positive behaviour is noticed and appreciated.
If you're ever with a group of children and one of them does something you would rather they didn't - clicking noises or swinging on chairs or similar - often saying '(Please) don't swing on your chair' will just result in other children joining in too. Whereas if you say to some of the other children 'Great sitting - well done' the child swinging will more often than not stop immediately, because you're reminding them that positive things are noticed. You can then thank them/praise their good choice too. So instead of highlighting a negative and bringing them down, you're reminding them in a different way what is expected and then they get happiness from it too.
xxx
Okay, I guess I misunderstood. I thought you were suggesting saying things like "look at your sister over there, she's not swinging on her chair, you need to be more like her." That kind of thing.
Yes you're right - praising others without making it a direct comparison is fine.
Original post by BlackberryBoss
Ive tried the looking sad thing but he finds it funny if Im upset so will do it again. I genuinely think he simply finds being bad enjoyable as he is most happy when hes causing some annoyance or unhappiness. I hope he grows out of it soon.
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It can also be a case of self image. I know that sounds a bit complex for a 3 year old but if he hears "you're naughty" a lot he might start to default to that behaviour as that's how he thinks of himself. For this reason this good to always try and talk about the behaviour if talking negatively at all. Hitting me made me really sad rather than you made me really sad... That wasn't a kind choice rather than you're not being very kind, that sort of thing.
It sounds like the reasoning could well be simple attention seeking so the positive thing, including specifically spending extra positive time with him each day to counter him feeling detached from you due to the negative behaviours, could really work!
Xxx
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Original post by BlackberryBoss
My son is so bad at times hes 3 going on 4 and he hits and kicks so I usually give him 5mins in his room,lately is this ethical? He really can be a nightmare.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Totally normal punishment.
At that age, I made my son and me write a list of rules together: "do what mummy and daddy say; no hitting; go to bed on time" and so on. This was then displayed in his room so he could see it, with pictures next to each as he couldn't read yet.
Next to that we put his sticker chart to reward good behaviour. Bad behaviour means not getting a sticker that day, or even losing one.
My general rule is: ignore bad behaviour and reward good behaviour. But serious bad behaviour gets a warning. Repeated bad behaviour gets a timeout - sitting in his room or on the naughty step for 1 minutes per year of age.
I think it's important to be very consistent in punishment. If he leaves his room before the time is up, he goes back in and the time starts again. You can even set an alarm or a countdown so he knows the time for himself. This may take a long time for the first few times, but hopefully after that he will learn the rules are rigid and settle down.
I agree about supernanny, despite her habit of patronizing the parents by talking to them like the children. Her tips are good, and you can usually spot exactly what the parents are doing wrong.
Original post by BlackberryBoss
Ive tried the looking sad thing but he finds it funny if Im upset so will do it again. I genuinely think he simply finds being bad enjoyable as he is most happy when hes causing some annoyance or unhappiness. I hope he grows out of it soon.
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Try beating up his teddy bear or something? Some kids get reeeeaaally attached to those things
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