Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Am I too insecure to be in a relationship?

I'm 19 and am currently in a relationship with a girl who I've been close friends with since we both started uni this year. In most ways, we have a lot in common, but there are certain differences between us that I find hard to deal with. For example, I feel like most of my actions and feelings are driven on impulse, whilst she's more of a 'head' person (the things she says and does usually seem premeditated). She rarely texts me when we're appart, unless I text her first - though I always do. I've also found that the less affection I show her, the more she shows me. Other things I've noticed are that any texts she replies to contain the exact same number of kisses as mine do - without fail. It sounds like a silly thing to mention, but it is something that makes me wonder

I'm trying to get my head around whether she feels as strongly for me as I do for her, but just expresses it differently, or whether she just likes the idea of being in a relationship and thinks that I'll suffice. It also makes me think that perhaps I'm just constantly paranoid and thus unfit to be in a relationship.

May I stress that I've never let on that I feel any of this. I'm very cautious of being considered needy or paranoid and I'd never let my insecurities be seen by her.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

She's also expressed that she's uncomfortable with public signs of affection. For me, I don't care about other peoples opinion when I'm with her - I assume that she doesn't feel the same way in this regard. Is it silly to wonder whether this means she doesn't care for me as much as I do for her?

Reply 2

rotkäppchen

From what you said, I personally would say not to worry too much. If she is more of a 'head' person as you say, it might just be that she overthinks her actions a bit too much. I certainly do too, particularly when just starting to date someone, and can totally relate. Because I think too much over all possible scenarios, I used to rarely text my boyfriend first (in case he is busy I don't want to bother him right now, what I have to say at this moment isn't that important, etc. etc.) and would probably in most cases copy however many x's he would send. Doesn't mean that I was less into him at the time, I was just quite keen for things to work out and thought the safe thing to do was take it at his pace (hence not initiating texting a lot of the time, not sending less / more x's in text messages). So, I'd say you shouldn't really worry. She's probably just as paranoid :smile: