Insecure girlfriend

My GF is pretty insecure to the point I upset her without even realising.

We watched the darts final the other night.

So today i sent her a video of amusing darts player walk ons. I thought she would find it funny but she got upset as it had girls dancing in the background too.

I honestly didnt even think and never gave it a second thought as i was just laughing at the daft walk ons.

She is now upset with me and not coming over tonight.

Anybody experienced anything like this before or got any advice?

I tell her i think she is hot all the time. She has accused me of sending it on purpose with the aim of making her feel insecure which wasnt the case.

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 1

Muttly

20

Well this isn't going to change. This is the start of feeling anxious every time you send something or do something that annoys her. And your life going forward is waiting for the negative reaction. You could spend your whole life living on egg shells trying to please someone who is quite frankly an ar$e. There are plenty of people out there who are very chilled about life in general and would love your sense of humour. Don't waste any more time. Go out there and find them. Life is far too short to be miserable.

Reply 2

biologygrad08

OP

8

Original post by Muttly

Well this isn't going to change. This is the start of feeling anxious every time you send something or do something that annoys her. And your life going forward is waiting for the negative reaction. You could spend your whole life living on egg shells trying to please someone who is quite frankly an ar$e. There are plenty of people out there who are very chilled about life in general and would love your sense of humour. Don't waste any more time. Go out there and find them. Life is far too short to be miserable.

Yeah im not going to lie irrational behaviour like this is a red flag to me.

The thing is generally she is a fairly chilled person but just has random moments like this where she totally over reacts to something entirely innocent.

Been going out nearly 2 years now but this has happened twice in the last couple of months. She does have many good qualities too though

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 3

biologygrad08

OP

8

Just to add a bit further info.

The last time something similar happened i ended up profusely apologising. However she was refusing to accept and just kept continuing to try and make me feel bad.

The turning point was when i actually got ****ed off and started to push back. Then suddenly i was forgiven. I will not apologise more than once for some petty **** like this

Reply 4

Muttly

20

Original post by biologygrad08

Just to add a bit further info.

The last time something similar happened i ended up profusely apologising. However she was refusing to accept and just kept continuing to try and make me feel bad.

The turning point was when i actually got ****ed off and started to push back. Then suddenly i was forgiven. I will not apologise more than once for some petty **** like this

It's good that you recognise the manipulative patterns of behaviour in the 'games' that your GF's is creating.

If the good qualities outweigh the bad and the reward is still there for you remaining in the partnership then talk with her about how her reactions are making you feel. Make a human MOT plan together about what works in the relationship and what doesn't.

If someone's sense of humour does not exist or is on a different wavelength to your own, you could be missing out on a lot of shared laughter going forward. You will always be constraining your behaviour or actions to be accepted. This issue is immense. Sometimes people can't change their core learned life constructs easily.

If the guilt trip style behaviour continues then you still have a choice to make. You need courage to make hard decisions and take choices as and when you know you need to make them. Often this is easier earlier in a newly formed relationship than later down the line. Not doing so and ending up being blown about like a tree in the wind back and forward, and blaming yourself can be one of the most demoralising and destructive episodes in any relationship.

Everyone has a choice. What you outline (if you are not careful) has the hall marks of the start of 'grooming' control (albeit fairly minor) Insecurity needs exploring and confronting. Often building mutual trust and giving each other space to live freely should be the easiest thing in the world but is often the hardest aspiration to achieve. If you are both determined to achieve your shared aims then anything is possible.

Reply 5

biologygrad08

OP

8

Original post by Muttly

It's good that you recognise the manipulative patterns of behaviour in the 'games' that your GF's is creating.

If the good qualities outweigh the bad and the reward is still there for you remaining in the partnership then talk with her about how her reactions are making you feel. Make a human MOT plan together about what works in the relationship and what doesn't.

If someone's sense of humour does not exist or is on a different wavelength to your own, you could be missing out on a lot of shared laughter going forward. You will always be constraining your behaviour or actions to be accepted. This issue is immense. Sometimes people can't change their core learned life constructs easily.

If the guilt trip style behaviour continues then you still have a choice to make. You need courage to make hard decisions and take choices as and when you know you need to make them. Often this is easier earlier in a newly formed relationship than later down the line. Not doing so and ending up being blown about like a tree in the wind back and forward, and blaming yourself can be one of the most demoralising and destructive episodes in any relationship.

Everyone has a choice. What you outline (if you are not careful) has the hall marks of the start of 'grooming' control (albeit fairly minor) Insecurity needs exploring and confronting. Often building mutual trust and giving each other space to live freely should be the easiest thing in the world but is often the hardest aspiration to achieve. If you are both determined to achieve your shared aims then anything is possible.

Thanks for the very mature response. I think that is where I am at the moment. I am weighing up if i should end the relationship. This type of behaviour was not evident at all for the first year but is now starting to creep in more and more.

I might need to bite the bullet and end things if the bad times and the stress and anxiety is out weighing the good times. It is good to get some validation im my thoughts.

Reply 6

Forwardthought

2

Sounds out of proportion sadly. I can understand it, kind of. However like you say you communicate to her in a complimentary way and once you explain it’s not the way she should have interpreted it - the reaction to that is what I would weigh my decision on to be honest.

Only you know your relationship and how ‘normal’ this is for you and her. Idk - maybe she just has something against the darts 😅🎯

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by biologygrad08

Just to add a bit further info.

The last time something similar happened i ended up profusely apologising. However she was refusing to accept and just kept continuing to try and make me feel bad.

The turning point was when i actually got ****ed off and started to push back. Then suddenly i was forgiven. I will not apologise more than once for some petty **** like this

Everyone gets insecure and its good that she communicates with you but it just sounds like shes manipulating you and just trying to purposefully make you feel bad, especially when you've tried your best to make it up to her. If this sort of thing happens often, then idk what to tell you btu she doesn't sound very mature. Is she takes the fun out of things aka a darts video, ur humour and hers may not be the same and do you really want to hold back on that?

Insecure girlfriend

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