do relationships 'slow you down'?
what do you think? When you're young, want to see the world, meet new people and travel, does being in a serious, long term relationship hold you back?
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
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Hate to say it but you need to follow your dreams. What happens if in few years he dumps you? You will regret not having lived your life, one life you get so make the most of it. Try talking to him and see if he loves you maybe he will do some things with you, compromise?? But if he dont want to do anything then sorry cut the ties now before you end up resenting him.
Original post by mjrd
Hate to say it but you need to follow your dreams. What happens if in few years he dumps you? You will regret not having lived your life, one life you get so make the most of it. Try talking to him and see if he loves you maybe he will do some things with you, compromise?? But if he dont want to do anything then sorry cut the ties now before you end up resenting him.
Thanks
its not at all that he's unsupportive. We just don't have all that much in common - no shared hobbies or interests. We're from different worlds. Best of friends, and like I said I really really love him. Maybe opposites attract? And he is so kind, so loving and so fair.Could not ask for better "boyfriend material"...except we want different things. He wants a steady job, a couple of kids, a normal life. Not that I don't want that- but I feel my dreams are bigger, more ambitious. I want to really do something with my life, I want to work abroad. But he wants to stay put. We're only 20 years old, so this is big far off future stuff. But what you say is true- what if one day we're over and I regret everything?
If he's really the right person for you, he wouldn't hinder you - he'd join you and make it more enjoyable.
You're too young to be stuck in a rut.
Edit: I say this as a 20 year old who's been with their partner for five years. We've lasted so long, three years long-distance, because we both want the same things. Never have I felt that he's held me back. In fact we are currently jointly saving for our Canadian / American road trip.
You're too young to be stuck in a rut.
Edit: I say this as a 20 year old who's been with their partner for five years. We've lasted so long, three years long-distance, because we both want the same things. Never have I felt that he's held me back. In fact we are currently jointly saving for our Canadian / American road trip.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by AB25
what do you think? When you're young, want to see the world, meet new people and travel, does being in a serious, long term relationship hold you back?
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I follow my dreams regardless of what my GF wants. Planning to emigrate in 9 years. If she wants to come along then good. Otherwise its byebye. She'll come though cause I want to move to her home country which she misses badly so not so bad
This reminds me of Lily and Marshall from HIMYM.
*moment of sad nostalgia*
...Anyway, mjrd pretty much covered all the bases, but the answer is unfortunately yes, if he doesn't want to share those dreams. It's going to be hard, but your self-development comes before him because you as a person - as an investment - are worth significantly more to yourself (and the rest of the world) than he is to you - it's possible he may leave you in the future, but you'll always still have yourself, and the question is whether that self is developed or not. It's a bad idea to get too tied down in these formative years of your life. And honestly, even if he doesn't share that outlook on life, loads more do, and it's still entirely possible you'll meet them on that journey. It's actually quite common to meet people on the road, and they're more likely to be someone with your outlook and views. Good luck.
*moment of sad nostalgia*
...Anyway, mjrd pretty much covered all the bases, but the answer is unfortunately yes, if he doesn't want to share those dreams. It's going to be hard, but your self-development comes before him because you as a person - as an investment - are worth significantly more to yourself (and the rest of the world) than he is to you - it's possible he may leave you in the future, but you'll always still have yourself, and the question is whether that self is developed or not. It's a bad idea to get too tied down in these formative years of your life. And honestly, even if he doesn't share that outlook on life, loads more do, and it's still entirely possible you'll meet them on that journey. It's actually quite common to meet people on the road, and they're more likely to be someone with your outlook and views. Good luck.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by aaronlowe
I follow my dreams regardless of what my GF wants. Planning to emigrate in 9 years. If she wants to come along then good. Otherwise its byebye. She'll come though cause I want to move to her home country which she misses badly so not so bad
Goddamn, you don't half plan ahead, do you?
Original post by Hashim123
Goddamn, you don't half plan ahead, do you?
Have to. Her youngest daughter from her previous marriage isn't young enough to live on her own yet. Also, I need to learn how to survive in Africa after being unemployed for 10 years
Original post by Hashim123
This reminds of Lily and Marshall from HIMYM.
*moment of sad nostalgia*
...Anyway, mjrd pretty much covered all the bases, but the answer is unfortunately yes, if he doesn't want to share those dreams. It's going to be hard, but your self-development comes before him because you as a person - as an investment - are worth significantly more to yourself (and the rest of the world) than he is to you - it's possible he may leave you in the future, but you'll always still have yourself, and the question is whether that self is developed or not. It's a bad idea to get too tied down in these formative years of your life. And honestly, even if he doesn't share that outlook on life, loads more do, and it's still entirely possible you'll meet them on that journey. It's actually quite common to meet people on the road, and they're more likely to be someone with your outlook and views. Good luck.
*moment of sad nostalgia*
...Anyway, mjrd pretty much covered all the bases, but the answer is unfortunately yes, if he doesn't want to share those dreams. It's going to be hard, but your self-development comes before him because you as a person - as an investment - are worth significantly more to yourself (and the rest of the world) than he is to you - it's possible he may leave you in the future, but you'll always still have yourself, and the question is whether that self is developed or not. It's a bad idea to get too tied down in these formative years of your life. And honestly, even if he doesn't share that outlook on life, loads more do, and it's still entirely possible you'll meet them on that journey. It's actually quite common to meet people on the road, and they're more likely to be someone with your outlook and views. Good luck.
This is great advice. I love it, really I do. Just don't know if I can let him go. We spoke about it before and agreed whole-heartedly that we'd always be friends, no matter what. But the thought of losing him is extremely painful
A relationship would definitely slow me down in terms of my career. I'm purely casual for the time being, and maybe in a few years when things are more stable, I might consider settling down with someone.
In the meantime though, anything more than some casual encounters would be a distraction.
In the meantime though, anything more than some casual encounters would be a distraction.
Original post by AB25
This is great advice. I love it, really I do. Just don't know if I can let him go. We spoke about it before and agreed whole-heartedly that we'd always be friends, no matter what. But the thought of losing him is extremely painful
Of course it is, you're in love with him - it's perfectly normal, but not good for you right now. Essentially, you've gotta sit down and think it out - logically reason the circumstances out with yourself, come to a conclusion on what is ultimately good for you - whether you want this more, or him. If, on a logical level, you agree with the advice given in this thread (you won't at all on an emotional level) then read and re-read it to hammer it into your head in order to help you understand why you need to do it. The challenge here is that you're fighting your own emotions and feelings about him. Your brain isn't gonna let you believe that him leaving you or being anything other than your soul-mate is a possibility cos of what you feel for him, but you have to remember that they are, and ones you've got to account for when you make a decision.
Honestly, you're in a healthier situation than most. You've spoken about it, and agreed you'd have at minimum a friendship - that's a very healthy breakup, which I'd imagine minimises the pain, and there is always the possibility that he'll be there when you get back (but don't count on this too much).
Original post by AB25
what do you think? When you're young, want to see the world, meet new people and travel, does being in a serious, long term relationship hold you back?
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
Yes
Posted from TSR Mobile
Let me talk from experience and as a man. A relationship will onlyslow you down if your gaol is to be the best (math, physics, dance, looking good, you name it). If you settle for the average mark/rank in anything, a relationship is okay to be your priroty. To me, looking back, I can see that I have always been the top student becase I was naive and did not care about relationships. Later on, I had relationships with women, and there was not enough time to concentrate on higher goals so I became average. And believe me, the relatonship can just be family/riends/social and not necessarily sexual, but none-the less you need time and energy to maintain these if you have to meet and talk often. If yo look at history, most inventors have been in not very successful marriags, and some were complete celibates or monks. Even musicians who are successful have to spend a lot of time learning new things in music and they are most of the time single or in nit very good eationships. Itr is a choice you make: wanna be mediocre, get an average degree and get a job and make family, or you wanna be Einstein. Someinventors were even monks. I starte lving a monastic life two years ago and now I have had enough time to learn yoga and meditation, now I am learning guitar and singing, making a lot of progress, and I also read new math/data-science papers to be the best at my job. So there is no "yes" or "no" anser to your question. You cany forego a relatisonhip till to get your degree and et a job before you start one, but as soon as you get a job and starta relationship, your salary will be increasing but you personal development stops. It is a choice: relationship/family, or genius.
Original post by AB25
what do you think? When you're young, want to see the world, meet new people and travel, does being in a serious, long term relationship hold you back?
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
i think you should go with what you feel in your heart and soul to answer your own q
we live our lives just once
in the blink of an eye we go from very young to very old
close your eyes, breathe slowly, concentrate on your question, and if you do this and allow yourself the space and time to do so
you will come to your own real answer that is best for you
good luck and may you live the life you deserve
Original post by XMaramena
A relationship would definitely slow me down in terms of my career. I'm purely casual for the time being, and maybe in a few years when things are more stable, I might consider settling down with someone.
In the meantime though, anything more than some casual encounters would be a distraction.
In the meantime though, anything more than some casual encounters would be a distraction.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by AB25
what do you think? When you're young, want to see the world, meet new people and travel, does being in a serious, long term relationship hold you back?
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm in a really happy relationship with a fantastic guy... But I also have dreams. Dreams that he doesn't share. We're so different yet best friends. I love him but don't know what to do.
relationships do not slow me down
often they boost me on many levels
All I can say is don't put all eggs in one basket.
A serious, long term relationship is amazing. My SO of 3 years gave me tons of love and support. I couldn't have achieved a lot of things without her. Spending my life with her became the only goal and dream of mine.
Thing is, she's leaving me now, and that left me devasted. You never know what's coming in the future.
A serious, long term relationship is amazing. My SO of 3 years gave me tons of love and support. I couldn't have achieved a lot of things without her. Spending my life with her became the only goal and dream of mine.
Thing is, she's leaving me now, and that left me devasted. You never know what's coming in the future.
Original post by Fumes
All I can say is don't put all eggs in one basket.
A serious, long term relationship is amazing. My SO of 3 years gave me tons of love and support. I couldn't have achieved a lot of things without her. Spending my life with her became the only goal and dream of mine.
Thing is, she's leaving me now, and that left me devasted. You never know what's coming in the future.
A serious, long term relationship is amazing. My SO of 3 years gave me tons of love and support. I couldn't have achieved a lot of things without her. Spending my life with her became the only goal and dream of mine.
Thing is, she's leaving me now, and that left me devasted. You never know what's coming in the future.
i'm a 'newbie' on here but i have loved and lost
i know how painful it can feel
as you said, we never know what is in the future for us
but i do hope it will be good for you
'hope' is a 4 lettered word but it is not a bad one
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