How do I tell my parents that I'm no longer Christian?

Firstly, sorry if this post is in the wrong forum - but I didn't think it would quite suit the 'Faith and Spirituality' forum.

Basically, around February of this year, I realised that I was an atheist. It wasn't exactly a sudden decision - I knew I believed in evolution beforehand, amongst other things - but there was a point when I realised I was definitely no longer a Christian, with no doubt in my mind.

But my family are religious. Very religious. The evangelical church we go to is very, very small so we're all very involved, and me leaving would be a very notable thing; I couldn't slip away unnoticed. Additionally, I obviously rely on my parents a lot at the moment (I'm in year 13, aged 17), and I'll continue to rely on them at university (as my loan will be minute and not enough to live on). I have no idea what their reaction will be, so the potential consequences are terrifying, and my mum in particular can get very angry over very minor things; I'm genuinely scared of her at times, and particularly with this situation.

So back in February, I realised that I needed to keep this low-profile. I've told only two of my closest friends (and I only told the second friend in July), and everyone else I know presumes I'm religious, and I keep up the façade (even at school - as people from my church go to the same school).

I thought I could just about manage going until Autumn 2016, when I went to uni - I could then tell my family and my parents, perhaps while I was there, and hope for the best. Maybe the impact would be limited, as I wouldn't face people from church regularly.

But I feel like I can't wait for another year; church is driving me crazy. Today's sermon was about how society will crumble as gay people can get married (polygamy will apparently be the next big thing); how everything wrong in the world, from US gun massacres to the VW scandal is because the foundation of society, the Bible, has gone; how abortion is always wrong no matter what; how assisted suicide is wrong, and it is better to live in complete pain. For the entire duration of the service I wanted to stand up and tell people how I truly feel, but I couldn't. I had to play along. I had to be a good Christian.

Basically - what should I do? I don't feel like I can keep up the façade for an entire year, and telling them while at uni could still have bad consequences (I'm already being pressured to research churches near the unis I'm applying to). Yet telling them now could be a disaster; the church is a big part of our lives, and I know I'd have to face countless people lecturing me for a full year, plus I'm particularly concerned about how my mum would react.

To avoid major consequences, I'd have to wait until I could survive cutting off contact with my parents - so I'd have to go to church until after university. I'd have to date only Christian girls until after uni.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

Hey this is a tricky one. My mum sounds like yours in the sense she gets really angry over little things and I can't imagine what she would be like if I told her I wasn't a Christian but hey if you are really sure that you are atheist now I'd tell your dad if he is less likely to react as strongly but definitely don't leave it until you are at uni because that could end really badly. What made you stop being a Christian? if you don't mind me asking

I've just generally moved away from the religion. I've pretty much always had liberal views on issues such as gay marriage so I was never a particularly die-hard Christian, and after spending time researching (and spending a lot of time at school with very convinced athiests), I began to realise that that the Bible generally didn't make much sense to me, and ultimately that I didn't believe in God. I'd never thought the Bible was an infallible text - my views on evolution clashed with it amongst other things - so I went a few steps further.

so I'd have to go to church until after university. I'd have to date only Christian girls until after uni.

To avoid major consequences, I'd have to wait until I could survive cutting off contact with my parents - so I'd have to go to church until after university. I'd have to date only Christian girls until after uni.

Sounds incredibly tricky. My usual advice to people leaving the faith is to wait until they're at uni. May I ask, do you think you're in danger of being disowned, or losing financial support at uni, if you tell them once you're at uni? Living a lie for another year until you get to uni is very hard, granted, but at least if you can escape to uni and THEN tell them, they won't be in your face the whole time telling you you're going to hell or whatever?!

Good luck in deciding what to do and remember, you can't live a lie your whole life - it's better to be true to yourself. It's just all about timing and whether openly leaving the church would leave you in danger

Have you thought about telling them you want to try a more liberal church because you don't agree with some of the things your church teaches?
That way you can go there until uni and not be driven insane

Why is this? Your parents aren't going to be watching you at Uni.

There's your answer.

When you're at university, you can date whoever you like. Your parents don't have to know you're dating -- you can tell them you're studying so hard that you don't have time to be going out on dates with people.

True, but they'll have a good idea of what's going on in my life - while a minor detail, I have to be friends with my Dad on Facebook and share everything (and my Mum also uses that account), so my personal life will be pretty transparent. Additionally, they're quite... involved (my Mum already drops hints about wanting grandchildren eventually), so they'd be dying to meet anyone, so I couldn't hide their lack of belief for long.

I don't think that my parents would go as far as removing financial support - however, they're providing me with a lot (for which I'm extremely grateful)... and my mum's been known to make some sudden decisions. I do think it's unlikely, though, and I guess I could always get a job to make up some of it if necessary.

I'm beginning to think that waiting until I'm at university is the (relatively) better option; while I wouldn't be in danger as such from leaving the church right now, the strong family ties to the small group (my parents are good friends with the pastor - they contribute towards his salary quite significantly - and they basically set up each service) would have personal consequences and I definitely would have far too many talks along the lines of 'you're going to hell'.

I do appreciate the advice, thank you. I'll try and manage the last year without going completely insane at the blatant homophobia, sexism and more, and then break it to them at uni, though it may be difficult to find a way of doing so at that point. I don't think they'd appreciate a FaceTime call about it.

Well, my parents are friends with me on Facebook, and follow me on Twitter, so my personal life is pretty transparent at the moment, and it will be then. They're also quite... involved (my mum regularly makes references to wanting grandchildren, and I'm 17), so if they did notice anything, they'd make a big deal about it, and want to meet them, etc. Essentially, for personal freedom, I'll have to tell them about my changes in belief. It's just a matter of when to do that; I'm leaning towards telling them when I'm at uni, as I won't get a 'you'll go to HELL' talk regularly, though I don't think they'd appreciate a FaceTime call on the matter when I'm a hundred miles away. :-/

My family pretty much helped set up the new church (after the pastor and his family, along with us, moved away from a different one), so moving to a completely different church is unfortunately completely impossible. Even though pretty much everyone we knew stayed at the original church, my mum made a big point about how only this one specific pastor works for her, so until he goes somewhere else, we're staying. If there is an opportunity to have some input, I'll try and raise that point though - thanks for the advice.

I'm going to try and manage the last year, and stay angrily silent about the blatant homophobia, sexism and general (what I deem to be) ignorance, as hopefully it'll be easier to tell them when I'm at uni.

I was pretty similar to you (in terms of small community churches and stuff), but due to my country's culture the expression "very religious" doesn't really apply to the same extent as elsewhere.

I simply told my parents that I don't quite share their belief as such or to such an extent as them. My dad said it's up to me entirely and no one has the right to intervene and my mom, although surprised, shared this notion.

I would advise you to be direct in your approach. Living a life you don't like is hellish and you should do your absolute best to defend what YOU want.

Again, our parents nay obviously differ but if I were you I'd do the same as I did.

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