FwB wants to stop being friends bc I'm jealous - what should I do?

You need help , it's pretty clear he is just a guy that wants sex from you and he made it clear to you. You know the truth already so grow up.

We are friends as well though. He tells me about his private problems. But maybe that's just using too? Idk. :/

Part of me isn't entirely sure why you're even bothering to ask for advice since it seems relatively straight forward and you've probably had similar advice from others/friends before but chosen to ignore them.

The simple facts are:
- you want a proper exclusive relationship with him
- he does not want a proper exclusive relationship with you
- he's happy to have sex with you/use you emotionally and have you as his safe option until he finds someone better/he likes more

He's been upfront and open with you about the status of you so I'm not really sure you can fault him even if he is being unfair to you.

Tell him you want a fully committed exclusive relationship with him. If he doesn't want that, then there's no need to be friends either. If he makes an excuse or says he still wants to try and be friends, tell him it's just going to emotionally hold you back from meeting someone else who might want a proper relationship with you so you're not interest.

It will be hard at first but you're better to end it on your terms so you get an emotionally clean break from him.

If you take the easy option to carry on, he will eventually find someone else he likes/wants a relationship with and dump you immediately and unceremoniously and then you'll be emotionally scarred and it will take you even longer to get over him. He'll probably come back to you each time he breaks up with his new girlfriend(s) but he won't give you what you really want from him.

About him dating someone else? Frankly he's probably got the same FWB situation with some other girl so he's not technically dating someone but equally doesn't want you to make him feel guilty about sleeping with another girl.

I think your assessment of the situation is pretty good, though I don't think he's had sex with another girl while we've been involved (and he's made his lack of physical sexual activity with others explicit several times) but I'm sure he flirts with others, which he might regard as dating (neither of us seem sure about what dating is).

I'd like to end it on my terms, but it was after I said to him that we can't be friends if he gets with someone else that he proposed we stop being friends because he doesn't want to be 'forbidden' from dating others/doesn't want to hurt me (which I think = doesn't want to feel guilty). I feel like he doesn't want to he friend-dumped so he's trying to make out that it's his idea. If I say let's stop being friends he'll think it's what he wanted, even though it's obviously not... Idk. I'd feel disempowered.

Maybe he's not had sex with someone else but the fact remains that he wants/is willing to have sex with other people otherwise he wouldn't be flirting with other girls and would be in an exclusive relationship with you. Surely that desire on his part that's hurtful enough?

Well I'd only say "let's not be friends anymore" as part of the ultimatum to him of relationship or nothing if you wanted to have that conversation. It might be the 'ripping a plaster off for short but sharp pain' that you need to start the process of getting over him.

If on the other hand you don't want to ask him about a relationship (since he seems to have made it clear enough) then you just need to have your own eureka moment when you truly accept you want to move on. All well and good other people telling you to move on but it's worth nothing if you don't want it for yourself.

If you do have that moment, then just don't get in contact with him and don't reply or block/delete if you need to. He'll either get the hint or he'll suddenly make extra effort to get your attention and then you can tell him to **** off on your own terms.

I'm sure he's a half decent guy but you should remind yourself that after over a year of intimate relationshipy stuff, he still never mentally accepted you as his girlfriend.

I think maybe I do need to make it explicit to him that I don't want to be the girl he keeps around as an option for if he doesn't find someone better, or has a breakup, or wants to cheat (I remember him saying something about how if he got a wife he'd cheat on her with me, and he said it in a jokey way but I think it's something he'd do tbh). I mean, I provide him with friendshippy support but I don't think that's why he'd want to stay friends if he got married, he could get that from his wife?

I'm also sad because in the convo where I asked why he doesn't date me I was like 'I'm offended if you had sex with me w.o being attracted to me' and
he didn't say anything, so I was like 'you had sex with me w.o being attracted to me' to which he responded by asking 'why are you saying this?'. I explained and he was like, I remember that I told you earlier how I think of your body?? (he'd sent me a sext relating to my body being nice)... But that's still not 'I am/was attracted to you'. Maybe he wouldn't say that because he was angry or something though. I remember not long after we met him asking if he could take my photo, and I asked why and he said because I'm beautiful. And I remember him calling me sexy last month. But idk if that was all lies. I don't want to end it before I know The Truth tbh

Sounds like he wanted sex and basically enjoyed having someone to be a girlfriend without the commitment?

In relation to the first paragraph, the alarm bell should be not the cheating on his wife part but the fact that he already sees you as being a bit on the side and not a potential future wife. Surely it's obvious that you need someone who treats/thinks of you better?

Well he's probably not entirely lying. He obviously finds you attractive enough to have sex with you but that's not the same thing as being in a relationship.

The truth most likely is:
- he likes having you as emotional support 24/7 whenever he wants it to his convenience
- he thinks he can do better than you
- he thinks you're attractive enough to have sex with for now so long as there's no commitment stopping him from finding someone else
- he can be a nice guy when he wants to be
- he's too much of a wimp to say anything rude to your face since it would ruin any future chances of sex

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

In relation to the first paragraph, the alarm bell should be not the cheating on his wife part but the fact that he already sees you as being a bit on the side and not a potential future wife. Surely it's obvious that you need someone who treats/thinks of you better?

Well he's probably not entirely lying. He obviously finds you attractive enough to have sex with you but that's not the same thing as being in a relationship.

The truth most likely is:
- he likes having you as emotional support 24/7 whenever he wants it to his convenience
- he thinks he can do better than you
- he thinks you're attractive enough to have sex with for now so long as there's no commitment stopping him from finding someone else
- he can be a nice guy when he wants to be
- he's too much of a wimp to say anything rude to your face since it would ruin any future chances of sex

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

I'm 20

I definitely used to feel like he thought of me as a potential wife based on stuff he said (even tho we were FwB... was v weird) but that stopped, which I think was probably due to me behaving in an unattractive way (read: clingy) considering my looks have remained fairly constant over the past year. That or he decided to stop leading me on... surely you'd date someone you had thoughts of marrying