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Please help me find my sexuality?

I'm female and confused; I have no clue as to what my sexuality is. I've been lost for the past few years so if anyone has any advice for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. :smile:

I'll start from the beginning. In primary school, I desperately wanted to be male. I cut my hair short, considered myself one of the lads, hated playing with the girls etc. I did eventually befriend a couple of females, but I wasn't interested in talking about make-up or bras or jewellery or hair extensions, and I didn't fancy boys like they did. However, I did have a short "relationship" with one guy. This was because I wanted to appear cool and impress my female friends, not because I had any romantic feelings.

In secondary school, I mainly focused on my education. I became timid and insecure, and I retreated into the shadows. I also let my hair grow into a longer style.I never had a relationship, I never had a crush on anyone, and no one ever approached me. However, I occasionally caught myself admiring a few of the girls. I remember thinking one of them was very pretty, and I once had a *ahem* dream about her, if you catch my drift. That said, I never looked at anyone in a sexual sense, not whilst awake. Therefore, I identified as asexual for a long period of time (I only told my closest friends).

Somewhere towards the end of my time at secondary school, I began fantasising about being male again. After my final exams, I went to Comi-Con to celebrate. I decided to use the event as a way of meeting up with a girl I'd met over the internet; she was astoundingly beautiful. I haven't been able to get her out of my head since; I frequently fantasise about being male and having her as my girlfriend. It's rarely sexual; instead, I imagine myself cuddling her and kissing her and taking care of her.

Now I'm in college. For the first time in my life, I was approached by a guy; he broke through my anti-social shell and introduced me to his group of friends. I suspect he likes me due to several comments he's made, but I don't feel the same way. I've cut my hair short again and I still think about being the opposite gender and having a relationship with the girl I met. I also want to become more muscular, perhaps get a piercing or two, and I'd prefer to wear a tuxedo instead of a dress. After this year, I'll probably be going to university.

If anyone has any idea what's going on with me, or any words of wisdom, I'd be really grateful. Maybe you've gone through something similar? Is there anything I can do to find my sexuality? Or is it just a matter of time/experience?
Thank you in advance. xxx

Reply 1

MrKmas508

If you want to crawl into bed with papa frank then I have no qualms.

Reply 2

MrKmas508

My serious answer now, maybe you shouldn't think of sexuality as one way or the other and instead just go with the flow. If there's a girl or guy you like just go for it, if you don't want to don't. There's no reason to label yourself or worry about it after all it's not like you can change it.

Reply 3

IFoundWonderland

Where have you looked so far?

Reply 4

IFoundWonderland

Do you identify as male or want to be a male?

Reply 5

BestBehaviour

I have no experiences like this as a man who was born a man and is into girls, but do you feel you find it most easy to identify as a straight man?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

[QUOTE=ILovePancakes;59872273]Do you identify as male or want to be a male?

I feel that I want I want to be male physically...
I don't currently identify as one though. My family is oblivious to everything I've told you.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

[QUOTE=BestBehaviour;59872325]I have no experiences like this as a man who was born a man and is into girls, but do you feel you find it most easy to identify as a straight man?

I would say yes...but I don't really feel any sexual attraction. When I look at a girl, I always imagine myself as a man and I want take care of her, hug her etc. It's not really anything to do with sex...
I've never felt anything towards men though, not even on a romantic level. I just see them as friends or brothers...

Reply 8

Odd socks

This isn't something that strangers online can figure out for you, but it does sound like you might be transgender and straight (ie. you could be a trans guy who likes girls (whether you like them in a sexual or a romantic sense)).

Reply 9

BefuddledPenguin

I'm erring on the side of you perhaps being a straight transgender man. But ultimately how you self identify has to be your decision, don't let yourself be pigeon-holed into an identity you aren't comfortable with.

Reply 10

Jebedee

There's only two genders, so bang both and see which you prefer. Or choose both. Simples.

Reply 11

BestBehaviour

Original post by Anonymous

I would say yes...but I don't really feel any sexual attraction. When I look at a girl, I always imagine myself as a man and I want take care of her, hug her etc. It's not really anything to do with sex...
I've never felt anything towards men though, not even on a romantic level. I just see them as friends or brothers...