Dear no one,
I hate this feeling that comes and goes. I feel so inadequate being with the person I'm in love with. Although he's mine physically, I feel he still belongs to someone else. The other women do not leave his mind. He gets into moods where I'm nothing but nuisance to him. He wants time alone, he does not want to see me or hear from me. He makes me cry, he makes me regret my life choices.
But, when he is not in these lonesome moods, he shows me passion, care, and love. He makes me feel so happy, so warm. I do anything to hear from him, anything to see him and spend my time with him. He means the world to me. Without him I feel low, confused, empty and conflicted. Without him I am nothing; I appreciate that sounds dramatic and untrue, but my definition of 'nothing' in this context means lonely, empty, feeling as though I have no purpose and that I do not matter; that I am literally just a speck of dust in this universe. A speck of dust floating in the air, something nobody pays any attention to.
I wish he could remain in these happy moods for our entire life together. I wish he could feel for me what I feel for him, in the exact same strength. I wish our feelings, wants and needs were mutual. I hate feeling inadequate, that momentarily I am not wanted by the man I have always needed, day and night.