Dear You,
I gave you my everything and I mean that in the literal sense. 4 years ago, you took the one thing that meant the most to me. Funny thing is, it was the one thing I didn't want to give away and you took it anyway.
That day, I didn't just lose my innocence, I lost myself. Now, I can't even look in the mirror without feeling ashamed. I can't help but feel disgusted everytime someone compliments me. I can't help but cry when I think about how my life is ruined. I loved you and you took my love and you crushed it. You used it for your own sadistic pleasure. Did it turn you on, when I screamed? When I begged you to stop? When I cried and kicked you and told you that I would do anything if you just stopped? Because I would have.
You've ruined me and now everyday I have to pretend that the world is okay. That I am okay when I'm not. I wish I could say that my tears are gone but they haven't. Every night I have tears. Every night I can't sleep and have to stay awake because if I sleep, I have nightmares. Id rather be an insomniac then have the nightmares. Everyone sleeps peacefully while I cry and wish the world would stop spinning.
The thing is, I'm not strong and I know I am too blame. If I hadn't teased you. If I hadn't led you on. But I don't hate you. Is that possible? I mean, you broke me but I don't hate you. Is that normal? You're still living your life and I doubt you even think of me and what you did. But I do. I think about you every moment of every day and the sad thing is, I may still love you. How you made me feel prior. You made me laugh and smile and feel good. Ironic how you also made me feel the exact opposite. I hate myself but I don't hate you. Funny that.
I wish you were on this site and you could read this and know who it was. Who was behind the screen. The girl, whose life you ruined.
Thank you for breaking me. Thank you for ruining my life. Thank you for the fake smiles and laughs. Thank you for everything.
From Me.