Am I at fault here?

Recently my grandfather from my dads side died. We were never close, that side never made an effort to connect at all so I didn't really feel anything at his death. I'd say I'm not a huge fan of my dad either, he does provide and bring in money but apart from that, he's not a nice person. I last went to see that side of the family back in 2010 and I basically just spent time in the house by myself not doing anything. I've never even met properly met cousins from dads side, they always went into hiding as we came over. Anyway, after grandads death; my parents went over to organise the funeral and I stayed home. The grandma kept asking when my brother and I are gonna go and see her so now my dad is pressing me to go and things are getting heated, he's already smashed and broken things over it. I'm firmly saying that I'm not going as i don't feel remotely comfortable going nor do i have any sort of affection for anyone on that side of the family, I can just about stand my dad let alone his side of the family. Am I right to not go?

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

21

Original post by Anonymous

Recently my grandfather from my dads side died. We were never close, that side never made an effort to connect at all so I didn't really feel anything at his death. I'd say I'm not a huge fan of my dad either, he does provide and bring in money but apart from that, he's not a nice person. I last went to see that side of the family back in 2010 and I basically just spent time in the house by myself not doing anything. I've never even met properly met cousins from dads side, they always went into hiding as we came over. Anyway, after grandads death; my parents went over to organise the funeral and I stayed home. The grandma kept asking when my brother and I are gonna go and see her so now my dad is pressing me to go and things are getting heated, he's already smashed and broken things over it. I'm firmly saying that I'm not going as i don't feel remotely comfortable going nor do i have any sort of affection for anyone on that side of the family, I can just about stand my dad let alone his side of the family. Am I right to not go?

It's understandable how you feel - you're fairly young, didn't have any interactions with them and don't feel much when one of them passed away. But to your dad, it means a lot to him which is why he wants you to go, and I know that if you don't get on with your dad then you don't want to do what he says or be around him more than you need to.

I think you should go and see your grandma as it's probably really important to her now, as she's probably shaken up from her husband passing away and maybe it's brought about a change on her side. And your dad is still going to be your dad for some time yet, so you don't want a rift to be there (ideally) or for him to take out his anger/grief in the way that he is doing.

Reply 2

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

Recently my grandfather from my dads side died. We were never close, that side never made an effort to connect at all so I didn't really feel anything at his death. I'd say I'm not a huge fan of my dad either, he does provide and bring in money but apart from that, he's not a nice person. I last went to see that side of the family back in 2010 and I basically just spent time in the house by myself not doing anything. I've never even met properly met cousins from dads side, they always went into hiding as we came over. Anyway, after grandads death; my parents went over to organise the funeral and I stayed home. The grandma kept asking when my brother and I are gonna go and see her so now my dad is pressing me to go and things are getting heated, he's already smashed and broken things over it. I'm firmly saying that I'm not going as i don't feel remotely comfortable going nor do i have any sort of affection for anyone on that side of the family, I can just about stand my dad let alone his side of the family. Am I right to not go?

How old are you/ How long would your visit be?

You need to pick your battles. What do you lose from going? You cna certainly sidestep a lot of grife from your dad, you cna also just show your respects, whether you liked them or not. Dont forget you are creating friction with your dad and its his parents. I am not in your situation, but I know what my basic strafegy would be and that would be in my interest.

You dont have to look at it in terms of being at fault, but you might wnat to do things which are smart.

(edited 7 years ago)

Am I at fault here?

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