Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

It been a year

My ex broke up with me a year ago. It was civil, no shouting but it was unexpected for me. She did the day after I came back from travelling, she had returned from her trip about 3 weeks before me.

We'd been going out 2.5 years and met at Uni, she had done a placement year after around 3 months after she got back, I got a job offer in another city, so all but about 3 months of our relationship was long distance.

We don't speak to each other,we don't see each other, we (to my knowledge) have removed most if not all 'us' stuff from the public domain.

As mentioned about it been a year now and it has made me think why it happened. Neither of us cheated, our friends thought we were the couple that would stay together. Our friends didn't believe it when they heard the news. I didn't do anything wrong, a point that she made over and over again while saying she was sorry over and over again.

I obviously understand that if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be. I thought we were in love, and it makes me wonder if I can be that wrong about something, what signs did I miss, could I have changed the outcome, was there actually something that I could have done, done better or not done at all.

Then that makes me wonder if this is how others feel when a relationship is over, how do you start again? Do you ever have these thoughts or doubts in your mind? How do you move on completely, when can you say it doesn't affect you any more?

Thoughts, advice and comforting words are more than welcome.

Reply 1

username1726117

Coming from someone in a similar boat to you (long-term relationship, dumped a year ago), I can somewhat understand how you feel. Sometimes two people don't fit together and that's fine, it happens and life goes on, but you'll perhaps always have that voice in your mind going "What if". It's hard not to think about, and even when that subsides you still have the memories and feelings associated with that person.

Things take time. Letting go is hard and painful and a whole other bunch of emotions. It's a process, one which many people go through and learn from. There may have been signs, and maybe things could have gone differently, but right in the here-and-now the relationship is over and acceptance is a crucial part of moving forward.

How do you start again? Become YOU again. All those friends you lost touch with, all those hobbies you stopped pursuing? Pick them up again. That holiday you wanted to go on? Go do it.

Break-ups are a process of healing and self-reflection, time and space. Continue forward knowing that everything will be alright in the end, knowing that this relationship was simply a stepping stone to a longer, more fruitful one.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

To be honest I think she just got lonely and bored ( I might be wrong) but you were gone for 3 weeks and she just didn't appear to be able to handle that. Maybe this is why she broke up with you. I don't think it was your fault. I think it's time you look for some one new and put yourself back out there
, the only way you can begin to feel better is to put her in the past and move on with your life.

Hope this helped,

P.s. You will feel better