No job and no relationship. I feel like a failure
I graduated from uni this year with a good degree but I have no idea what I want to do as a career. I think it's too late to apply for grad schemes and I know that I should have been looking into that in my final year but I was plagued with mental health issues the entire time (and still am) so to be honest careers weren't exactly on my list of priorities. On top of that I've not been in a relationship for over 5 years, didn't even manage to find anyone at uni unlike most people, so I feel really lonely.
I really feel like I've failed in life, everyone else I know has a job and/or a relationship and if I want to do a grad training scheme then at this rate I won't be working until at least 2018. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time up until then. Maybe I won't get hired at all because employers will see that gap in between graduation and interview and think I was just being lazy when actually I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life.
I hate feeling like such a loser
I really feel like I've failed in life, everyone else I know has a job and/or a relationship and if I want to do a grad training scheme then at this rate I won't be working until at least 2018. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time up until then. Maybe I won't get hired at all because employers will see that gap in between graduation and interview and think I was just being lazy when actually I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life.
I hate feeling like such a loser
Well rather than doing nothing with year (which you're absolutely right will not look good) get a move on and do something. If you get a generic working in a shop/bar job for a year that will look far better on your CV. If you could do some area specific volunteering even better.
"Plagued with mental health issues". You'd wish employers understood but most of them don't. If you are desperate for work (in order to earn money to pay bills) get the short term cashier or restaurant job, otherwise, start researching potential career paths that your degree can lead to, and be prepared for any interview you get.
(edited 7 years ago)
Probably should have mentioned that I'm very shy so doing customer-facing jobs in the meantime is not an option.
Are you seeing a therapist at the moment?
You are most likely still allowed to acces your university career service. Speak to an advisor.
Original post by Anonymous
Probably should have mentioned that I'm very shy so doing customer-facing jobs in the meantime is not an option.
You're going to have to get over that eventually, so I would suggest that you do some therapy if you have to, and then get out there. You're not going to get over social anxiety by avoiding socialising. I know people are probably going to disagree with me here, but I say that the best way to get over social anxiety is to just 'jump into the lion's den', so to speak. It worked for me. I work in a supermarket cafe now.
Original post by Anonymous
Are you seeing a therapist at the moment?
I've had therapy sessions for anxiety but it didn't help all that much. As for the shyness that's a part of my personality that will never go away.
Original post by Anonymous
I've had therapy sessions for anxiety but it didn't help all that much. As for the shyness that's a part of my personality that will never go away.
I'm not a expert psychologist and I don't know your exact situation, but usually when therapy is to deal with anxiety, the therapist will recommend exposure as part of the treatment. You should/ will have incrementally exposed yourself to situations that make you feel emotionally awful and anxious. There is something called opposite action where you do the opposite of your "comfortable" behaviour.
As regards the shyness, you can still be a shy person without having overwhelming anxiety. I suggest going back to therapy because a lot of your issues are cognitive and behavioural ones.
Also don't expect therapy to be a magic wand. Your therapist is not a magician. There needs to be effort on your behalf to open up and act on recommendations. There is no change without discomfort.
Original post by Anonymous
I graduated from uni this year with a good degree but I have no idea what I want to do as a career. I think it's too late to apply for grad schemes and I know that I should have been looking into that in my final year but I was plagued with mental health issues the entire time (and still am) so to be honest careers weren't exactly on my list of priorities. On top of that I've not been in a relationship for over 5 years, didn't even manage to find anyone at uni unlike most people, so I feel really lonely.
I really feel like I've failed in life, everyone else I know has a job and/or a relationship and if I want to do a grad training scheme then at this rate I won't be working until at least 2018. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time up until then. Maybe I won't get hired at all because employers will see that gap in between graduation and interview and think I was just being lazy when actually I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life
I hate feeling like such a loser
I really feel like I've failed in life, everyone else I know has a job and/or a relationship and if I want to do a grad training scheme then at this rate I won't be working until at least 2018. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time up until then. Maybe I won't get hired at all because employers will see that gap in between graduation and interview and think I was just being lazy when actually I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life
I hate feeling like such a loser
Hey OP, I can imagine that you may feel useless now but I think you need to maintain a positive attitude even though you may be in a dark time at the moment.
Do you have any family that you can hang out with or acquaintances that you met in uni but didn't have the energy/confidence to talk to? People are generally nice so just make the first step.
There are some organisations that you can research that offer careers advice depending on your degree or you may want to change your degree completely, try some new things because my sister also used to have crippling social anxiety but I agree that you have to face the music so to speak,,, maybe start by getting a coffee and saying hi to the barista, before you know it you may be starting a conversation. making friends is not very difficult although you may be panicking on the inside it will be worth it.
Regarding you loneliness maybe you haven't found anyone because you're not ready, you seem like someone who really wants to try but having someone just so you're not lonely may result in a toxic relationship, wait until you are happy with yourself and your situation and that person will come to you, your happy pheromones will attract them or something.
ALSO UR NOT A FAILURE
Hello!! I'm facing similar situation as you. I just wish to tell you that you have to stay strong and that you are not alone. There will be people who will be supporting you. In life there are ups and downs but I believe it will gain experiences and make you a stronger person!!
Go volunteer and focus on yourself
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