How to deal with moderate urinary incontinence in secondary school?

I have a few bladder conditions, accompanied with several disabilities and mental health conditions such as ADHD which hinder the ability for me to be in full control of when I need the toilet (Forgetting and waiting till the last minute) and/or holding it in. In primary school it was very mild and I only had about 3 big accidents in the whole of primary school. I had other smaller ones/leaks a couple times a year, but it’s getting worse now I’m getting older. I have a radar key which allows me to use the disabled toilets and have a toilet pass which lets me go to the toilets whenever I ask. but I’m Worried for when I go back to school after quarantine because I have been struggling more. I haven’t had a big accident yet at secondary school but I know it will happen, I carry spare underwear and trousers with me and wear incontinence pads but I’m worried when a big accident happens I won’t know what to do. Say if I was in a lesson and I just wet myself what would I do? Would I tell the teacher? Do I wait till the end of the lesson? What if it happens in the middle of the corridoor. I have so many questions. please someone just give me a little bit of advice 💞

Hi secondary.sloth_,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having this problem. From your description, it seems like you’re receiving some help from medical professionals and teachers at school, so well done for seeking support for what I’m sure is an upsetting and embarrassing problem!

In the first instance, you should take preventative measures:
- make sure you go to the loo in every break,
- consider the option of more thorough protection,
- ... I can’t think of any others, but I’m sure you can add to the list (since you’ve experienced this for a long time).

In the event of an accident in a lesson:
- if it’s too late to put up your hand and ask the teacher to be excused, I think you should get up, run to a loo, do your business and clean yourself as best as you can, and make your way to the matron so that he/she can help you.
- I assume that your teachers will already be aware of your condition and so should understand your reaction and be in a position to help.
- In any event, you should let a member of staff know, since they cannot help you if they’re not aware of the situation!

I hope you find this helpful.

OxMus.

I have a few bladder conditions, accompanied with several disabilities and mental health conditions such as ADHD which hinder the ability for me to be in full control of when I need the toilet (Forgetting and waiting till the last minute) and/or holding it in. In primary school it was very mild and I only had about 3 big accidents in the whole of primary school. I had other smaller ones/leaks a couple times a year, but it’s getting worse now I’m getting older. I have a radar key which allows me to use the disabled toilets and have a toilet pass which lets me go to the toilets whenever I ask. but I’m Worried for when I go back to school after quarantine because I have been struggling more. I haven’t had a big accident yet at secondary school but I know it will happen, I carry spare underwear and trousers with me and wear incontinence pads but I’m worried when a big accident happens I won’t know what to do. Say if I was in a lesson and I just wet myself what would I do? Would I tell the teacher? Do I wait till the end of the lesson? What if it happens in the middle of the corridoor. I have so many questions. please someone just give me a little bit of advice 💞

Talk to your parent/carer about it, and your doctor. There are lots of exercises you can do to strengthen your pelvic floor and help you to have more control, but obviously if it's more complicated, this might not work. Most of all, don't be embarrassed about it! Bodies are weird and if you need to talk to someone about it, just tell them: our bodies all have a little flaw here and there. I think you might want to look to a medical professional about this, however, and make sure the school are fully aware of your current condition.

Thankyou for being understanding,yes I am receiving some help. I got to the toilet every break and in lessons, I have but I find the idea of a nappy really embarrassing and makes me feel like a baby or old person. I was thinking about just getting up and going to the loo but what if everyone’s sees my chair or me soaking wet, I don’t think I would ever return to school again 😂. Who is a matron? anyways I keep a spare change of clothes in my bag and I’m looking into keeping some in my head of years office. I just don’t know what I would say because I can’t exactly just tell someone I’ve just weed on myself. 😂 they would either freak out or be really awkward and embarrassed. Thanks for the help x

It may not be an option for you but I would second the advice to do exercises, certainly if you're a girl. A significant percentage of women suffer from stress incontinence after pregnancy/childbirth and I was no different (4 kids including the first being well over 4kg and later twins). Pilates has sorted it - give it a go.

I’ve tried it, I also have not given birth before. Wow twins! It’s a mixture of Physical and mental issues going on so excercises don’t work

Fair enough – I’m sure I’d feel the same.

To be brutally honest, it’s going to be pretty impossible to hide the fact that you’ve had an accident however you react to it (I presume you’ve never managed that before?). It’s a choice between running to the loo or sitting there in a puddle of your own wee (or wearing a nappy, although I know you’ve said you’re not comfortable with that).

Matron = school nurse. Every school has one.

Re establishing arrangements with school staff – talk to your parents and ask them to help/ask them to talk to your school so that support can be put in place.

You can definitely approach members of staff for help; otherwise, how have you managed on previous occasions? Your teachers won’t be shocked – your condition is not unheard of and I know that they would be willing and able to help.

I found I've had to keep it up - when I gave up for a while the problem returned - so my youngest is 21 and I am still doing Pilates (and regular pelvic floor exercises) as it it better than having to wear those awful pants they advertise on TV!

I have a few bladder conditions, accompanied with several disabilities and mental health conditions such as ADHD which hinder the ability for me to be in full control of when I need the toilet (Forgetting and waiting till the last minute) and/or holding it in. In primary school it was very mild and I only had about 3 big accidents in the whole of primary school. I had other smaller ones/leaks a couple times a year, but it’s getting worse now I’m getting older. I have a radar key which allows me to use the disabled toilets and have a toilet pass which lets me go to the toilets whenever I ask. but I’m Worried for when I go back to school after quarantine because I have been struggling more. I haven’t had a big accident yet at secondary school but I know it will happen, I carry spare underwear and trousers with me and wear incontinence pads but I’m worried when a big accident happens I won’t know what to do. Say if I was in a lesson and I just wet myself what would I do? Would I tell the teacher? Do I wait till the end of the lesson? What if it happens in the middle of the corridoor. I have so many questions. please someone just give me a little bit of advice 💞