My work ‘friends’ have a group chat without me
So the title basically lays out the gist of it, but I found out recently that my work friends, or ‘friends’, made a group chat recently (around an 8 person group chat) that I’m not in, and it kinda made me feel low tbh cos I always thought we were good with each other, but apparently not
So we work in retail as customer assistants and we all met about a year ago, when we were all hired for Christmas at around the same time (like a few weeks apart from each other), and got pretty close quickly as we don’t live in a big town and so everyone know each other through mutual friends etc
We exchanged socials and everything and we did speak to each other outside of work, and there were some more closer than others, but there was never a whole group chat made with everyone. A few weeks ago we did bring it up with each other and said having a group chat would be cool, and mind you I do talk with all of them both at work and outside of work, so I always thought I’d be included in it as well
The other day however I found out that there’s a whole group chat with them all, and it kinda sucked finding out about it because now I feel like the odd one out and the red herring of the group, even though I’ve been nothing but nice to everyone. I’ve been off from work the past two weeks but I don’t even feel like going back now, because all I’m going to think about when seeing their faces are how they’ve had this group for weeks now but decided to completely keep me out of the blue regarding it
I know it sounds like I’m being over dramatic, but it does suck knowing that you’ve grown close to some work people over the course of a year and honestly thinking you were good friends, only to find out they’ve been talking and spending time on their own group chat and literally leaving me out of it
So we work in retail as customer assistants and we all met about a year ago, when we were all hired for Christmas at around the same time (like a few weeks apart from each other), and got pretty close quickly as we don’t live in a big town and so everyone know each other through mutual friends etc
We exchanged socials and everything and we did speak to each other outside of work, and there were some more closer than others, but there was never a whole group chat made with everyone. A few weeks ago we did bring it up with each other and said having a group chat would be cool, and mind you I do talk with all of them both at work and outside of work, so I always thought I’d be included in it as well
The other day however I found out that there’s a whole group chat with them all, and it kinda sucked finding out about it because now I feel like the odd one out and the red herring of the group, even though I’ve been nothing but nice to everyone. I’ve been off from work the past two weeks but I don’t even feel like going back now, because all I’m going to think about when seeing their faces are how they’ve had this group for weeks now but decided to completely keep me out of the blue regarding it
I know it sounds like I’m being over dramatic, but it does suck knowing that you’ve grown close to some work people over the course of a year and honestly thinking you were good friends, only to find out they’ve been talking and spending time on their own group chat and literally leaving me out of it
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I think I've seen this thread before......
I’m not sure what the point of this thread is - but if you’re looking for advice:
Personally, I’d just come out and straight up ask them. Whether that be in a spare moment to just one or all of them. And I’m sure, after they’ve done that uncomfortable squirm that people do, you’ll be added in no questions asked 😂
Personally, I’d just come out and straight up ask them. Whether that be in a spare moment to just one or all of them. And I’m sure, after they’ve done that uncomfortable squirm that people do, you’ll be added in no questions asked 😂
Original post by stereotypeasian
I think I've seen this thread before......
Yeah I posted it in another forum too just today
Original post by Ellamayooo
I’m not sure what the point of this thread is - but if you’re looking for advice:
Personally, I’d just come out and straight up ask them. Whether that be in a spare moment to just one or all of them. And I’m sure, after they’ve done that uncomfortable squirm that people do, you’ll be added in no questions asked 😂
Personally, I’d just come out and straight up ask them. Whether that be in a spare moment to just one or all of them. And I’m sure, after they’ve done that uncomfortable squirm that people do, you’ll be added in no questions asked 😂
But that’s the thing, I don’t want them to add me to it just because they feel bad for not adding me in the first place 😂😭 Because then most likely they’ll just go off and create a new chat; I just wanna know WHY and WHAT I did for them to not have added to me to it in the first place :/
Original post by Anonymous
But that’s the thing, I don’t want them to add me to it just because they feel bad for not adding me in the first place 😂😭 Because then most likely they’ll just go off and create a new chat; I just wanna know WHY and WHAT I did for them to not have added to me to it in the first place :/
You might’ve not even done anything, so don’t immediately go to that thought process. Some people are just petty.
Original post by Ellamayooo
You might’ve not even done anything, so don’t immediately go to that thought process. Some people are just petty.
Yeah I’ll try not to. It’s just gonna be hella awkward next week because I haven’t seen them for a while due to being off from work, but now I acc don’t know how to act around them knowing there’s a big work chat that I’m not in
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I’ll try not to. It’s just gonna be hella awkward next week because I haven’t seen them for a while due to being off from work, but now I acc don’t know how to act around them knowing there’s a big work chat that I’m not in
Could that be a potential reason? The fact you haven’t been at work? Bit of a rubbish one, but some people do have limited minds. Have you heard from any of them individually since you’ve not been at work?
I guess just carry on doing what you were doing, because the way I see it you’ve done no wrong.
Original post by Ellamayooo
Could that be a potential reason? The fact you haven’t been at work? Bit of a rubbish one, but some people do have limited minds. Have you heard from any of them individually since you’ve not been at work?
I guess just carry on doing what you were doing, because the way I see it you’ve done no wrong.
I guess just carry on doing what you were doing, because the way I see it you’ve done no wrong.
No I doubt it because it’s only been one a half weeks since I haven’t been in, and this group chat was made about a month ago from what I’ve heard. We even talked about making a work group chat like just under two months ago, and we all agreed that it would be cool to have something to talk on outside of work, so it just sucks that they all decided to make it and not even tell me
And yeah I’ve spoken with almost all of them on socials and stuff, and they’ve seen my stories and responded etc so we have been active in that sense
Should I do anything at this point?
literally the only thing you can do is talk to them about it, no idea what you're expecting us to say
Original post by Gent2324
literally the only thing you can do is talk to them about it, no idea what you're expecting us to say
I just want advice I guess. What would you do if it were you in this situation?
Original post by Anonymous
I just want advice I guess. What would you do if it were you in this situation?
???????
did u even read what i said
Bump
I can relate a bit, I think. I became good friends with 3 girls I worked with over the course of a year and we'd always speak about doing things outside of work, to the point where they'd openly discuss plans with me and include me in things, but then I'd find out a couple of weeks later that the plans had actually happened with me being none the wiser.
It hurts so much but there's not much you can do about it tbh. We've all moved on from that company now and I do still keep in contact but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them anymore. Just a life lesson. I don't expect everyone to like me but I do expect some respect and basic manners.
It hurts so much but there's not much you can do about it tbh. We've all moved on from that company now and I do still keep in contact but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them anymore. Just a life lesson. I don't expect everyone to like me but I do expect some respect and basic manners.
Update: so I manned up today and asked one of my work friends in the group, who I’m pretty close with, about the nature of the group. I said it in a joking way like haha looks like I missed the induction meeting for the work group, and she immediately realised that I knew about the group and straight away tried to apologise and said it wasn’t her who created the group.
She basically told me that one of our other friends created the group, and had told everyone else not to say anything to me, bc apparently I’m “too nice and innocent” for the dark humour and content of the group chat, which is just bs tbh because I’m 18 years old so it’s not like I can’t handle things in this century
What got to me more was that apparently they went on an outing a few days before lockdown and everyone had basically blocked me from seeing their stories and posts for that day, so I wouldn’t know about it, and the friend I confronted about it said that the person who planned it thought I wouldn’t wanna go or some bs. Now tell me, am I still overreacting?
She basically told me that one of our other friends created the group, and had told everyone else not to say anything to me, bc apparently I’m “too nice and innocent” for the dark humour and content of the group chat, which is just bs tbh because I’m 18 years old so it’s not like I can’t handle things in this century
What got to me more was that apparently they went on an outing a few days before lockdown and everyone had basically blocked me from seeing their stories and posts for that day, so I wouldn’t know about it, and the friend I confronted about it said that the person who planned it thought I wouldn’t wanna go or some bs. Now tell me, am I still overreacting?
Heyyy I just read this thread, sorry that your work friends (though they don't sound all that friendly!) are treating you this way 
I can also relate. I was in a part-time job (left now!) with 30-40 workers, lets say half of them were mid 20s or younger. (I was 17 at the time) All of them, except me, were on a work group chat and talked about shifts. They all got on, had in-jokes, and talked about timetabling of shifts without me- so guess who was last to know about everything! Pretty sure I got last choice on the shifts too... other than a lot of them going out at the weekends, they also frequently did lunch orders for the entire staff room, and conveniently always forgot about me! Sorry if I'm ranting about my experience, I just want you to know you're not alone.
My advice? Try and remember that you have a life beyond work. How many days are you in each week? Since you're 18, are you doing your work on the side of college or 6th form by any chance? Know that you have friends and family who like and know you for who you really are, and try not to feel too left out. It does feel really unpleasant, I hated sitting in the staff room because only 2 or 3 (out of 40!) people would actually make an effort to talk to me. It always felt so lonely.. look- whatever reason they had for not including you was sure to be petty. Some people just leave others out, and if your experience was anything similar to mine I know its not your fault. You're defo not over-reacting, when you're there all the time it gets to you a lot
if possible I would try to ditch them all (especially if its a temporary job) as soon as possible. You don't have to be rude to them, but I wouldn't put yourself out too much. I think there's probably one or two in the group chat who are driving this (there's always a ringleader or 2!) and the rest will have no real issue. Once things settle down, it'll only be one or two people you know you can't trust. Try not to get too dragged down by it! 
-By the way, I've ditched all the people I knew from there, my town isn't big but it's big enough for me to not see them anymore! (unless I go into one of the McDonalds at 5pm on wednesdays)
I can also relate. I was in a part-time job (left now!) with 30-40 workers, lets say half of them were mid 20s or younger. (I was 17 at the time) All of them, except me, were on a work group chat and talked about shifts. They all got on, had in-jokes, and talked about timetabling of shifts without me- so guess who was last to know about everything! Pretty sure I got last choice on the shifts too... other than a lot of them going out at the weekends, they also frequently did lunch orders for the entire staff room, and conveniently always forgot about me! Sorry if I'm ranting about my experience, I just want you to know you're not alone.My advice? Try and remember that you have a life beyond work. How many days are you in each week? Since you're 18, are you doing your work on the side of college or 6th form by any chance? Know that you have friends and family who like and know you for who you really are, and try not to feel too left out. It does feel really unpleasant, I hated sitting in the staff room because only 2 or 3 (out of 40!) people would actually make an effort to talk to me. It always felt so lonely.. look- whatever reason they had for not including you was sure to be petty. Some people just leave others out, and if your experience was anything similar to mine I know its not your fault. You're defo not over-reacting, when you're there all the time it gets to you a lot
if possible I would try to ditch them all (especially if its a temporary job) as soon as possible. You don't have to be rude to them, but I wouldn't put yourself out too much. I think there's probably one or two in the group chat who are driving this (there's always a ringleader or 2!) and the rest will have no real issue. Once things settle down, it'll only be one or two people you know you can't trust. Try not to get too dragged down by it! -By the way, I've ditched all the people I knew from there, my town isn't big but it's big enough for me to not see them anymore! (unless I go into one of the McDonalds at 5pm on wednesdays)
Original post by Anonymous
Update: so I manned up today and asked one of my work friends in the group, who I’m pretty close with, about the nature of the group. I said it in a joking way like haha looks like I missed the induction meeting for the work group, and she immediately realised that I knew about the group and straight away tried to apologise and said it wasn’t her who created the group.
She basically told me that one of our other friends created the group, and had told everyone else not to say anything to me, bc apparently I’m “too nice and innocent” for the dark humour and content of the group chat, which is just bs tbh because I’m 18 years old so it’s not like I can’t handle things in this century
What got to me more was that apparently they went on an outing a few days before lockdown and everyone had basically blocked me from seeing their stories and posts for that day, so I wouldn’t know about it, and the friend I confronted about it said that the person who planned it thought I wouldn’t wanna go or some bs. Now tell me, am I still overreacting?
She basically told me that one of our other friends created the group, and had told everyone else not to say anything to me, bc apparently I’m “too nice and innocent” for the dark humour and content of the group chat, which is just bs tbh because I’m 18 years old so it’s not like I can’t handle things in this century
What got to me more was that apparently they went on an outing a few days before lockdown and everyone had basically blocked me from seeing their stories and posts for that day, so I wouldn’t know about it, and the friend I confronted about it said that the person who planned it thought I wouldn’t wanna go or some bs. Now tell me, am I still overreacting?
Is their anyone else in your workplace you can talk to?
deffo ditch these people. you do not need them and they are bad energy. you need positivity in your life and this isn’t it. good luck
Original post by bones-mccoy
I can relate a bit, I think. I became good friends with 3 girls I worked with over the course of a year and we'd always speak about doing things outside of work, to the point where they'd openly discuss plans with me and include me in things, but then I'd find out a couple of weeks later that the plans had actually happened with me being none the wiser.
It hurts so much but there's not much you can do about it tbh. We've all moved on from that company now and I do still keep in contact but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them anymore. Just a life lesson. I don't expect everyone to like me but I do expect some respect and basic manners.
It hurts so much but there's not much you can do about it tbh. We've all moved on from that company now and I do still keep in contact but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to any of them anymore. Just a life lesson. I don't expect everyone to like me but I do expect some respect and basic manners.
Yeah exactly, some respect and manners does go a long way and even years after you’ve left them all, it’s the ones that were genuinely there for you and nice to you that you remember. Really sorry this had to happen to you too, but I’m glad you pulled through and yes it definitely is a life lesson tbf
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