Poetry essay feedback needed!! (A-Level)
Compare the way poets explore responses to other cultures in ‘Look We Are Coming to Dover!’ and ‘The Deliverer’.
Both Look We Are Coming to Dover and The Deliverer explores responses to other cultures but from two different perspectives. In LWACTD, Nagra tells of the arrival of immigrants to England and of their lives filled with hard work, fears and dreams. Here, Nagra explores responses to other cultures through the voice of an immigrant whose experience in spite of the initial difficulties which indubitably coincide with migration, can still imagine a future where they can settle legally and in prosperity, evoking the notion of hope from the reader. Contrastingly, in the Deliverer, Doshi speaks on the prevalence of female infanticide in rural India and the lives of the women who help commit it. Doshi explores responses to other cultures through bringing into light the juxtaposing cultures of the world; shocking practices that are done in India contrasting with the more modernised and civilised America. The tone in both poems differs massively. In LWACTD, the poem starts with a tone of disappointment as the narrator discloses hardship and poverty. In comparison to the ‘cushy’ tourists, the narrator and his kind have very little power - economic or otherwise in a new culture. But despite this, the narrator can imagine a future where they have won their way to prosperity. However, in the Deliverer, the tone lacks emotion and could be arguably interpreted as uncaring. Or perhaps some may suggest the poet did not want to integrate their own emotions and judgements into the poem allowing the reader to form their own opinion of the culture in rural India, making it extremely effective at making the poem even more memorable for the reader.
Keeping this in mind, the reader may pause and reflect how Doshi’s exploration of cultures are indeed very stereotypical. In essence, the speaker explains how her mother visited a convent in South India where she learns how the nun would collect children who are discarded because they were ‘crippled or dark or girls’. The asyndetic list of inadequacies increased in a manner that would shock an ordinary reader but for some, it may raise the question as to why Doshi focuses on one particular country in South Asia rather than addressing crimes as such which occur around the world. This reinforces the stereotype that countries in South Asia such as India are patriarchal countries with limited feminism where women are treated poorly. This interpretation is backed by the two locations in the poem which are identified by the subheadings; first, a convent in Kerala and later the poem moves to an airport in the USA. The use of these locations is important, particularly due to the fact that they are each other’s antithesis. While airports represent global connections, technology and a mix of cultures, a ‘convent’ would in many cases be seen as the opposite of this, as a traditional location focused on individual religion, further magnifying stereotypes.
In a similar vein, though an immigrant himself, in the very first line Nagra depiction of the immigrants can be seen as stereotypical. They were ‘stowed in the sea to invade’. The inclusion of “invade” introduces the ongoing theme of words with negative connotations, but this one is particularly notable not only because it is mentioned in the very first line but also because of the direct link to hostile people entering another country. However, this is juxtaposed with the idea of being “stowed” and hidden away unnoticed, with it unlikely for people to be able to invade a country with no supplies. This could therefore be interpreted as Nagra’s criticism of immigration being detrimental or even dangerous which is hugely stereotypical and misleading. Some readers may infer that this criticism is due to the narrator becoming more whitewashed i.e. now that the narrator lives in Britain, he has grown superior frowns upon immigrants, irrespective of his own roots. This inference is substantiated with the collective noun ‘swarms’ insinuating insects which Nagra employs later in the poem to dehumanise immigrants. Alternatively, some readers may as well infer that Nagra is not criticising but instead mocking how the indigenous population regards newcomers as a threat In this respect, both poems demonstrate similar stereotypical ideas that surround cultures.
In the Deliverer, Doshi explores how women in less developed areas don’t respond to culture and its patriarchal norms. They simply follow the same pattern with no real change. - The tercets in the poem could strengthen the interpretation which mimics a pattern, evoking the notion of continuity. - For instance, at the end of the poem, it’s said that mothers ‘squeeze out life’ and then ‘trudge home to lie down for their men again’. Both quotes have monosyllabic words which make the poem feel more personal and less planned - the narrator is telling things ‘how they are’. The fact that the verb ‘squeeze’ suggests the mothers push and get rid of the baby as quickly as possible as if it were a chore and then ‘trudge’ home to go ‘lie down for their men again’ magnifies the women’s hardships and makes the reader ponder if women are baby-making machines, trapped in a continuous life of sexual reproduction. This interpretation is backed by the lack of figurative or descriptive language in the poem which contributes to a flatness of tone, expressing the bleakness of the situation. Again there is no moral judgement, as the reader is left to contemplate the inequalities of women as well as their brutal realities too. Though some could challenge that women don’t respond to sexist cultural norms with the verb ‘trudge’ which suggests unwillingness. Perhaps affected women do want to alter their lives but don’t have the means to or are discouraged to do so thereby they return to their ordinary lives. Not only is rural India portray in a stereotypical manner but also America. In the second part of the poem, the child is delivered to the family in America. Here it is mentioned that they are ‘American so they know about ceremony’ implying that in the western culture all birth and adoption are a serious matter. Furthermore, it is written in italics that the child’s parents ‘couldn’t stop crying’. This outburst of emotion could be seen as reasonable by some readers however others may believe that it reinforces the stereotype of Americans being really emotional. Hence, this is how the response to culture is explored by Doshi.
Contrastingly, the narrator in LWHCTD responds to the newfound culture very differently. For example, the imagery in the quote: ‘moon’s spotlight… miracle of the sun’ as well as the contrast between ‘moon’ and ‘sun’ hints that the narrator acknowledges that for immigrants at the beginning entering a new culture with dissimilar ideologies could be hard and apprehensive but slowly life becomes a bit easier due to hope; hope for citizenship, hope for an improved quality of life etc. Though some readers may perceive the ‘sun’ as alluding to the idea that those coming to the UK may need to hope for a ‘miracle’ in order to be fully accepted as part of society. Nonetheless, the narrator is not discouraged. Indeed, the wordplays such as ‘phlegmed’, the varied rhyme schemes, as well as the variation of line length, could be inferred as to how the narrator is trying to adapt to this newfound culture by striving to speak the language however it is very hard. A reader could be reminded of their own experiences with learning foreign languages, generating sympathy for the speaker. Moreover, the lines are shorter in the beginning but progress into longer lines could convey the narrator’s belief that an immigrant has to work their way up. Thus, the narrator responds to culture with his endeavour to adapt to it.
To summarise, both poets explore the responses to other cultures through a variety of methods and techniques. Despite a few minor exceptions, the two poems do differ massively when it comes to exploring responses to other cultures as one response to it positively and the other negatively.
Thank you so much!
Both Look We Are Coming to Dover and The Deliverer explores responses to other cultures but from two different perspectives. In LWACTD, Nagra tells of the arrival of immigrants to England and of their lives filled with hard work, fears and dreams. Here, Nagra explores responses to other cultures through the voice of an immigrant whose experience in spite of the initial difficulties which indubitably coincide with migration, can still imagine a future where they can settle legally and in prosperity, evoking the notion of hope from the reader. Contrastingly, in the Deliverer, Doshi speaks on the prevalence of female infanticide in rural India and the lives of the women who help commit it. Doshi explores responses to other cultures through bringing into light the juxtaposing cultures of the world; shocking practices that are done in India contrasting with the more modernised and civilised America. The tone in both poems differs massively. In LWACTD, the poem starts with a tone of disappointment as the narrator discloses hardship and poverty. In comparison to the ‘cushy’ tourists, the narrator and his kind have very little power - economic or otherwise in a new culture. But despite this, the narrator can imagine a future where they have won their way to prosperity. However, in the Deliverer, the tone lacks emotion and could be arguably interpreted as uncaring. Or perhaps some may suggest the poet did not want to integrate their own emotions and judgements into the poem allowing the reader to form their own opinion of the culture in rural India, making it extremely effective at making the poem even more memorable for the reader.
Keeping this in mind, the reader may pause and reflect how Doshi’s exploration of cultures are indeed very stereotypical. In essence, the speaker explains how her mother visited a convent in South India where she learns how the nun would collect children who are discarded because they were ‘crippled or dark or girls’. The asyndetic list of inadequacies increased in a manner that would shock an ordinary reader but for some, it may raise the question as to why Doshi focuses on one particular country in South Asia rather than addressing crimes as such which occur around the world. This reinforces the stereotype that countries in South Asia such as India are patriarchal countries with limited feminism where women are treated poorly. This interpretation is backed by the two locations in the poem which are identified by the subheadings; first, a convent in Kerala and later the poem moves to an airport in the USA. The use of these locations is important, particularly due to the fact that they are each other’s antithesis. While airports represent global connections, technology and a mix of cultures, a ‘convent’ would in many cases be seen as the opposite of this, as a traditional location focused on individual religion, further magnifying stereotypes.
In a similar vein, though an immigrant himself, in the very first line Nagra depiction of the immigrants can be seen as stereotypical. They were ‘stowed in the sea to invade’. The inclusion of “invade” introduces the ongoing theme of words with negative connotations, but this one is particularly notable not only because it is mentioned in the very first line but also because of the direct link to hostile people entering another country. However, this is juxtaposed with the idea of being “stowed” and hidden away unnoticed, with it unlikely for people to be able to invade a country with no supplies. This could therefore be interpreted as Nagra’s criticism of immigration being detrimental or even dangerous which is hugely stereotypical and misleading. Some readers may infer that this criticism is due to the narrator becoming more whitewashed i.e. now that the narrator lives in Britain, he has grown superior frowns upon immigrants, irrespective of his own roots. This inference is substantiated with the collective noun ‘swarms’ insinuating insects which Nagra employs later in the poem to dehumanise immigrants. Alternatively, some readers may as well infer that Nagra is not criticising but instead mocking how the indigenous population regards newcomers as a threat In this respect, both poems demonstrate similar stereotypical ideas that surround cultures.
In the Deliverer, Doshi explores how women in less developed areas don’t respond to culture and its patriarchal norms. They simply follow the same pattern with no real change. - The tercets in the poem could strengthen the interpretation which mimics a pattern, evoking the notion of continuity. - For instance, at the end of the poem, it’s said that mothers ‘squeeze out life’ and then ‘trudge home to lie down for their men again’. Both quotes have monosyllabic words which make the poem feel more personal and less planned - the narrator is telling things ‘how they are’. The fact that the verb ‘squeeze’ suggests the mothers push and get rid of the baby as quickly as possible as if it were a chore and then ‘trudge’ home to go ‘lie down for their men again’ magnifies the women’s hardships and makes the reader ponder if women are baby-making machines, trapped in a continuous life of sexual reproduction. This interpretation is backed by the lack of figurative or descriptive language in the poem which contributes to a flatness of tone, expressing the bleakness of the situation. Again there is no moral judgement, as the reader is left to contemplate the inequalities of women as well as their brutal realities too. Though some could challenge that women don’t respond to sexist cultural norms with the verb ‘trudge’ which suggests unwillingness. Perhaps affected women do want to alter their lives but don’t have the means to or are discouraged to do so thereby they return to their ordinary lives. Not only is rural India portray in a stereotypical manner but also America. In the second part of the poem, the child is delivered to the family in America. Here it is mentioned that they are ‘American so they know about ceremony’ implying that in the western culture all birth and adoption are a serious matter. Furthermore, it is written in italics that the child’s parents ‘couldn’t stop crying’. This outburst of emotion could be seen as reasonable by some readers however others may believe that it reinforces the stereotype of Americans being really emotional. Hence, this is how the response to culture is explored by Doshi.
Contrastingly, the narrator in LWHCTD responds to the newfound culture very differently. For example, the imagery in the quote: ‘moon’s spotlight… miracle of the sun’ as well as the contrast between ‘moon’ and ‘sun’ hints that the narrator acknowledges that for immigrants at the beginning entering a new culture with dissimilar ideologies could be hard and apprehensive but slowly life becomes a bit easier due to hope; hope for citizenship, hope for an improved quality of life etc. Though some readers may perceive the ‘sun’ as alluding to the idea that those coming to the UK may need to hope for a ‘miracle’ in order to be fully accepted as part of society. Nonetheless, the narrator is not discouraged. Indeed, the wordplays such as ‘phlegmed’, the varied rhyme schemes, as well as the variation of line length, could be inferred as to how the narrator is trying to adapt to this newfound culture by striving to speak the language however it is very hard. A reader could be reminded of their own experiences with learning foreign languages, generating sympathy for the speaker. Moreover, the lines are shorter in the beginning but progress into longer lines could convey the narrator’s belief that an immigrant has to work their way up. Thus, the narrator responds to culture with his endeavour to adapt to it.
To summarise, both poets explore the responses to other cultures through a variety of methods and techniques. Despite a few minor exceptions, the two poems do differ massively when it comes to exploring responses to other cultures as one response to it positively and the other negatively.
Thank you so much!
Hiya! I did this and am in Y13
Your AO2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the Decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
Also AO1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
Compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and Patience Agbabi’s “Eat Me” from Poems of the Decade?
Both Agbabi and McKendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with Agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and McKendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, I directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, I go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and I will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
Your AO2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the Decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
Also AO1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
Compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and Patience Agbabi’s “Eat Me” from Poems of the Decade?
Both Agbabi and McKendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with Agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and McKendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, I directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, I go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and I will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
Original post by rebecca-lol
Hiya! I did this and am in Y13
Your AO2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the Decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
Also AO1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
Compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and Patience Agbabi’s “Eat Me” from Poems of the Decade?
Both Agbabi and McKendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with Agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and McKendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, I directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, I go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and I will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
Your AO2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the Decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
Also AO1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
Compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and Patience Agbabi’s “Eat Me” from Poems of the Decade?
Both Agbabi and McKendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with Agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and McKendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, I directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, I go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and I will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
Hi thank you so much for your feedback! sure if you could send me your essay that would be great!
Original post by McGinger
By posting your essay online you are guarenteeing that it will get flagged for plagarism.
Teach marked it a year ago and I made up the essay question, so alles gut
Original post by rebecca-lol
hiya! I did this and am in y13
your ao2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. Eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
also ao1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and patience agbabi’s “eat me” from poems of the decade?
both agbabi and mckendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and mckendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, i directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, i go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and i will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
your ao2 is amazing - and extremely well done on a good essay. Poems of the decade is hard! I would work on more tight comparisons. Eg, instead of separate paragraphs per poem discuss a theme like violence in one paragraph
also ao1 - keep to one argument throughout the poem - here is an example of one of my introductions.
compare the methods the poets use to explore the theme of relationships in the following unseen poem and patience agbabi’s “eat me” from poems of the decade?
both agbabi and mckendrick use a power imbalance in a relationship to emphasize female destruction. While the poems are narrated from opposite ends of the relationship, with agbabi writing from the eyes of the female victim and mckendrick as the encroacher, both disturbingly convey female destruction within relationships. In both poems, the obsessive behavior of the male partner culminates in the demise of the relationship, symbolic of the overcoming of a patriarchal society where women are disrespected by their male counterparts.
As you can see, my line of argument is power imbalance and in the introduction, i directly compared how this is portrayed within the poem. This is all the introduction you need. In this essay, i go on to directly compare how both poets use structure to show the power imbalance, the role of males within both poems and how that contributes, and how female destruction is shown. By constantly referring back to my line of argument as well as making tight comparisons, directly analysing what makes the poems different is how you get marks.
This is a really good essay though! If you want - pm me and i will send you the full version of my essay, it got 28/30.
please could you send me thr full version of this thanks so much
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