Feeling depressed because of lack of success/opportunities in dating

I'm 26, male and have been trying to date for quite a while now. Unfortunately, I haven't had any dates with women. I've been using online dating (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) and the lack of likes (considering how many people are on those apps) has been disheartening. I've also tried meeting women in the real world - through work, friends of friends and mutual interests but every time there is either a clear lack of interest or outright rejection.

I don't like to use the word "ugly" because it's quite mean to label people as such but I don't consider myself unattractive nor very attractive - average in the looks department. I am 6' tall, healthy, not overweight, respectful and the rest of my life is in order which I'm very grateful for of course.

It's getting to the point where the situation is making me feel depressed. I put relationships off during my uni years (frustratingly and ironically, I had a few chances when girls actually wanted to date me but I turned them down back then) and now I am nearly 27 and am still a virgin and haven't had a girlfriend. I'm feeling sad about the fact that I am being repeatedly rejected whether it is directly or indirectly when my messages don't get answered through Hinge, and I'm feeling sad when I see men who have women who really want them in their lives.

Advice (particularly wanted from women) about why this may be happening and whether there is anything I can do to change the situation?

Thanks in advance.

Reply 1

Trinculo

21

My advice is to not listen to women on these matters. They invariably give idealised advice that they themselves do not subscribe to. Such as “just be yourself” and recommend things that they think “other” women should like but they themselves would run a mile from.

Also don’t listen to any dudes who give you the “hit the gym” advice. If you had the willpower for the whole aesthetics thing you would have done it by now and it’s a ton of work for no real benefit.

Reply 2

jay2013

17

Maybe its time to go travelling. If the women in the UK don't appreciate you (I assume you're in the UK), then maybe women abroad will?

Just a thought.

Do you have any female friends?

Reply 4

justlearning1469

21

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 26, male and have been trying to date for quite a while now. Unfortunately, I haven't had any dates with women. I've been using online dating (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) and the lack of likes (considering how many people are on those apps) has been disheartening. I've also tried meeting women in the real world - through work, friends of friends and mutual interests but every time there is either a clear lack of interest or outright rejection.

I don't like to use the word "ugly" because it's quite mean to label people as such but I don't consider myself unattractive nor very attractive - average in the looks department. I am 6' tall, healthy, not overweight, respectful and the rest of my life is in order which I'm very grateful for of course.

It's getting to the point where the situation is making me feel depressed. I put relationships off during my uni years (frustratingly and ironically, I had a few chances when girls actually wanted to date me but I turned them down back then) and now I am nearly 27 and am still a virgin and haven't had a girlfriend. I'm feeling sad about the fact that I am being repeatedly rejected whether it is directly or indirectly when my messages don't get answered through Hinge, and I'm feeling sad when I see men who have women who really want them in their lives.

Advice (particularly wanted from women) about why this may be happening and whether there is anything I can do to change the situation?

Thanks in advance.

1. Don't listen to women on these matters as @Trinculo said.

Maybe you could try going abroad to find a desirable woman, or even dating younger or much younger than yourself. Remember that the age of sexual consent in UK is 16 if you're not an authority figure, or 18 if you are.
Younger women are more likely to look up to an authoritative relatively older man, so you have that on your side (if you date 18-19 or even 16-17)

Cold approach some women in the coffee shop/library/bar/club, for gym better be careful. Take your opportunities and go far with them, but don't coerce women to do what you want.
Learn how to cold approach and hopefully seduce a woman or two after 100 or 200 cold approaches. Be warned, this will take a long time, and some women absolutely hate this.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Firstly, before entering a relationship or losing virginity or even just casually dating people. Learn to love yourself. This is a journey that I tell everyone to go on before entering the dating scene. It's important because when you love yourself you also learn to know your worth.
After you know what you deserve, love yourself, know your worth etc... then I'd suggest you going into the dating scene from there.
Good luck with this and honestly, take your time and not rush this.
Someone for you always comes at the least expected time.

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

I think for some women it may be because you lack experience, unless you're looking to date a girl with the same level of experience as you. By 26 women are looking for long term relationships where they can see the possibility of settling down, they may struggle to see that with someone who lacks experience in the relationship world. Look for women who are like you! sorry your having a hard time I hope it perks up for you x

Reply 7

Boris 2000

10

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 26, male and have been trying to date for quite a while now. Unfortunately, I haven't had any dates with women. I've been using online dating (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) and the lack of likes (considering how many people are on those apps) has been disheartening. I've also tried meeting women in the real world - through work, friends of friends and mutual interests but every time there is either a clear lack of interest or outright rejection.

I don't like to use the word "ugly" because it's quite mean to label people as such but I don't consider myself unattractive nor very attractive - average in the looks department. I am 6' tall, healthy, not overweight, respectful and the rest of my life is in order which I'm very grateful for of course.

It's getting to the point where the situation is making me feel depressed. I put relationships off during my uni years (frustratingly and ironically, I had a few chances when girls actually wanted to date me but I turned them down back then) and now I am nearly 27 and am still a virgin and haven't had a girlfriend. I'm feeling sad about the fact that I am being repeatedly rejected whether it is directly or indirectly when my messages don't get answered through Hinge, and I'm feeling sad when I see men who have women who really want them in their lives.

Advice (particularly wanted from women) about why this may be happening and whether there is anything I can do to change the situation?

Thanks in advance.

It's not so much that you're wrong but for the Apps you likely aren't right. Girls in there go for guys who are gym rats, good looking (above average to model looks) and possibly wealthy. If you don't fulfill those boxes then your in tray will be pretty empty. If you're an everyday average looking guy, even if you are 6ft tall it's still likely you are outside of the what the women want imon there - basically the idealised hunky guy. I've looked up the men on those Apps and they are mostly pretty muscular. So the women all end up picking them and ignore the guys that would be serious. They don't realise that the guys that are all getting done on there go there for that reason, or they do and they are happy with get getting with them for a one night stand.

So either fit the product women want on their or move on and look for women elsewhere.

Feeling depressed because of lack of success/opportunities in dating

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