Lonely with no friends at university
Hello, so I’d like to know if anyone has any advice on making friends at university.
So here’s some background info on me. I’m a 19 year old male, I currently go to university and I will be finishing my first year in May, but I have not made a single friend. I put this down to the fact that I’ve generally been quite a shy person my whole life and always struggled to make friends. I also commute to university which I think has also stopped me from making friends as the only people I speak to are in my class, which only has 15 people in it most seminars, all of whom are either internationals or are English but already formed friendships with people by the time the year started. Considering they’ve had since October to establish their perception of me, why would they want to be friends with me when they see how quiet and shy I am in class? I’ve tried to avoid this every year since a levels by attempting to put a new face on, but my shyness always seeps through and I end up in the same cycle. At the start of uni I did start speaking with a guy in my seminar who was in halls of residence and in a similar position to me, but there were stupid class changes and few weeks in and we were separated. Is this bad luck or am I just destined to be lonely? At home, I don’t really have any friends either. I spend my weekends at home with my dog watching tv and playing games while I watch my siblings and parents all go out with their friends and it’s really upsetting. Every day I see people my age having fun as you should in your teenage years, it makes me cry. The only people I ever speak to outside of uni is my family and I’m not joking when I say the last time I hung out with friends outside school hours was when I was 14. I made friends at school but unfortunately they fizzled out after I left, and since a levels I’ve pretty much just been a ghost socially. I’ve wasted the best years of my life and had started to accept that this was supposed to be my life from now on, until I started uni where watching everyone else have fun has pushed me to make friends. I’ve even started go to the gym and started doing singing lessons in an attempt to build my confidence and because I have an interest in singing, but still no one shows interest in becoming friends there. I turn 20 in December and I really don’t want to leave my teens without experiencing the life a teenager should experience. I’ve given up on attempting to make friends for the rest of my first year. However next year I’ll be with new people so if anyone has any advice on making friends whether it’s through societies, freshers week, lectures/seminars and even outside uni at the gym/singing it would be very helpful.
Thank you.
So here’s some background info on me. I’m a 19 year old male, I currently go to university and I will be finishing my first year in May, but I have not made a single friend. I put this down to the fact that I’ve generally been quite a shy person my whole life and always struggled to make friends. I also commute to university which I think has also stopped me from making friends as the only people I speak to are in my class, which only has 15 people in it most seminars, all of whom are either internationals or are English but already formed friendships with people by the time the year started. Considering they’ve had since October to establish their perception of me, why would they want to be friends with me when they see how quiet and shy I am in class? I’ve tried to avoid this every year since a levels by attempting to put a new face on, but my shyness always seeps through and I end up in the same cycle. At the start of uni I did start speaking with a guy in my seminar who was in halls of residence and in a similar position to me, but there were stupid class changes and few weeks in and we were separated. Is this bad luck or am I just destined to be lonely? At home, I don’t really have any friends either. I spend my weekends at home with my dog watching tv and playing games while I watch my siblings and parents all go out with their friends and it’s really upsetting. Every day I see people my age having fun as you should in your teenage years, it makes me cry. The only people I ever speak to outside of uni is my family and I’m not joking when I say the last time I hung out with friends outside school hours was when I was 14. I made friends at school but unfortunately they fizzled out after I left, and since a levels I’ve pretty much just been a ghost socially. I’ve wasted the best years of my life and had started to accept that this was supposed to be my life from now on, until I started uni where watching everyone else have fun has pushed me to make friends. I’ve even started go to the gym and started doing singing lessons in an attempt to build my confidence and because I have an interest in singing, but still no one shows interest in becoming friends there. I turn 20 in December and I really don’t want to leave my teens without experiencing the life a teenager should experience. I’ve given up on attempting to make friends for the rest of my first year. However next year I’ll be with new people so if anyone has any advice on making friends whether it’s through societies, freshers week, lectures/seminars and even outside uni at the gym/singing it would be very helpful.
Thank you.
Next year force yourself to join societies and sports teams, even ones you aren't really interested in. Really get involved. Don't worry about peoples perception of you just because you didn't speak to others in first year. Ur lucky at least there's no lockdown. What interests do u have apart from gaming? If u can't answer that, then that is half Ur problem
Hello,
Sorry to hear that you are finding it tough to make friends - it is completely normal to feel this way and be upset when people around you are out socialising and you aren't.
My advice as a former commuter student would be is not to assume people aren't open to having more friends just because they already have a 'clique' or a steady group of friends. People love to meet new people, and honestly you could be surprised at how many people do actually want to make friends with you.
I understand you are shy, but even a little smile can go a long way! It does sound like you are working on your confidence, which is brilliant. Believe it or not, sitting next to your course mates can be an ideal tester to find out whether you can form a friendship before the lecture starts. Don’t be afraid to sit next to someone and ask them about themselves, if you don’t think you’ll hit it off as besties, you only have to wait 5-10 minutes before the lecture starts to avoid the awkwardness which has got me out of a few awkward situations.
I know it's a cliché, but societies and sports groups are such a good way to make friends due to you being surrounded by like minded people and you are likely to hit it off with other people due to your common interest. As difficult as it is, try to be brave and put yourself out there, or even studying on campus and engaging with familiar faces in the library helped me make friends!
I would also check if there are any student jobs going at your uni? Sometimes there are jobs at the SU, the gym, or even being a student ambassador that you could take advantage of if they are available to help support you to make friends as you will be exposed to other students on campus that you wouldn't meet in your course whilst earning a bit of cash on the side. I found it much easier to make friends at my part time job than actually on my course.
Hope this helps
T
Sorry to hear that you are finding it tough to make friends - it is completely normal to feel this way and be upset when people around you are out socialising and you aren't.
My advice as a former commuter student would be is not to assume people aren't open to having more friends just because they already have a 'clique' or a steady group of friends. People love to meet new people, and honestly you could be surprised at how many people do actually want to make friends with you.
I understand you are shy, but even a little smile can go a long way! It does sound like you are working on your confidence, which is brilliant. Believe it or not, sitting next to your course mates can be an ideal tester to find out whether you can form a friendship before the lecture starts. Don’t be afraid to sit next to someone and ask them about themselves, if you don’t think you’ll hit it off as besties, you only have to wait 5-10 minutes before the lecture starts to avoid the awkwardness which has got me out of a few awkward situations.
I know it's a cliché, but societies and sports groups are such a good way to make friends due to you being surrounded by like minded people and you are likely to hit it off with other people due to your common interest. As difficult as it is, try to be brave and put yourself out there, or even studying on campus and engaging with familiar faces in the library helped me make friends!
I would also check if there are any student jobs going at your uni? Sometimes there are jobs at the SU, the gym, or even being a student ambassador that you could take advantage of if they are available to help support you to make friends as you will be exposed to other students on campus that you wouldn't meet in your course whilst earning a bit of cash on the side. I found it much easier to make friends at my part time job than actually on my course.
Hope this helps
T
(edited 1 year ago)
I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you can try make friends with international students too! Us coming from a different country doesn't mean we're unapproachable... honestly, I find international students more friendly and approachable than UK locals sometimes.
Agree with @Bookworm524
@StrawberryBeam
If you can get involved with the International Office: helping with some events or volunteering, you may find that you have lots of opportunities to meet new students and students who want to make friends as they may be in a new country, city/town, university etc.
It's great that you are being pro-active by joining the gym and going for singing lessons : )
(Have you thought about joining a choir?)
Though it might an idea to try activities where you have to talk to people. Team sports, debating, going to language lessons etc...
The teenage years that you might see on telly or in the films can be an ideal. It does not necessarily apply in real-life! Maybe your best years will be in your 20s or even your 30s!
Friendship takes time. Keep putting yourself out there.
Be yourself. Invite people to go for a coffee, hang out, go to an event etc and see how it goes.
Maybe this summer, you could get a summer job or help with a summer camp? You might meet lots of students there.
Exchange contact details with people so you can keep in touch, especially if you think you might want to be friends with them and if you're not sure if you will see them again.
Hope you happen to meet the person from your class who you got on with again.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 2nd year student – University of Huddersfield
@StrawberryBeam
If you can get involved with the International Office: helping with some events or volunteering, you may find that you have lots of opportunities to meet new students and students who want to make friends as they may be in a new country, city/town, university etc.
It's great that you are being pro-active by joining the gym and going for singing lessons : )
(Have you thought about joining a choir?)
Though it might an idea to try activities where you have to talk to people. Team sports, debating, going to language lessons etc...
The teenage years that you might see on telly or in the films can be an ideal. It does not necessarily apply in real-life! Maybe your best years will be in your 20s or even your 30s!
Friendship takes time. Keep putting yourself out there.
Be yourself. Invite people to go for a coffee, hang out, go to an event etc and see how it goes.
Maybe this summer, you could get a summer job or help with a summer camp? You might meet lots of students there.
Exchange contact details with people so you can keep in touch, especially if you think you might want to be friends with them and if you're not sure if you will see them again.
Hope you happen to meet the person from your class who you got on with again.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 2nd year student – University of Huddersfield
Original post by StrawberryBeam
Hello, so I’d like to know if anyone has any advice on making friends at university.
So here’s some background info on me. I’m a 19 year old male, I currently go to university and I will be finishing my first year in May, but I have not made a single friend. I put this down to the fact that I’ve generally been quite a shy person my whole life and always struggled to make friends. I also commute to university which I think has also stopped me from making friends as the only people I speak to are in my class, which only has 15 people in it most seminars, all of whom are either internationals or are English but already formed friendships with people by the time the year started. Considering they’ve had since October to establish their perception of me, why would they want to be friends with me when they see how quiet and shy I am in class? I’ve tried to avoid this every year since a levels by attempting to put a new face on, but my shyness always seeps through and I end up in the same cycle. At the start of uni I did start speaking with a guy in my seminar who was in halls of residence and in a similar position to me, but there were stupid class changes and few weeks in and we were separated. Is this bad luck or am I just destined to be lonely? At home, I don’t really have any friends either. I spend my weekends at home with my dog watching tv and playing games while I watch my siblings and parents all go out with their friends and it’s really upsetting. Every day I see people my age having fun as you should in your teenage years, it makes me cry. The only people I ever speak to outside of uni is my family and I’m not joking when I say the last time I hung out with friends outside school hours was when I was 14. I made friends at school but unfortunately they fizzled out after I left, and since a levels I’ve pretty much just been a ghost socially. I’ve wasted the best years of my life and had started to accept that this was supposed to be my life from now on, until I started uni where watching everyone else have fun has pushed me to make friends. I’ve even started go to the gym and started doing singing lessons in an attempt to build my confidence and because I have an interest in singing, but still no one shows interest in becoming friends there. I turn 20 in December and I really don’t want to leave my teens without experiencing the life a teenager should experience. I’ve given up on attempting to make friends for the rest of my first year. However next year I’ll be with new people so if anyone has any advice on making friends whether it’s through societies, freshers week, lectures/seminars and even outside uni at the gym/singing it would be very helpful.
Thank you.
So here’s some background info on me. I’m a 19 year old male, I currently go to university and I will be finishing my first year in May, but I have not made a single friend. I put this down to the fact that I’ve generally been quite a shy person my whole life and always struggled to make friends. I also commute to university which I think has also stopped me from making friends as the only people I speak to are in my class, which only has 15 people in it most seminars, all of whom are either internationals or are English but already formed friendships with people by the time the year started. Considering they’ve had since October to establish their perception of me, why would they want to be friends with me when they see how quiet and shy I am in class? I’ve tried to avoid this every year since a levels by attempting to put a new face on, but my shyness always seeps through and I end up in the same cycle. At the start of uni I did start speaking with a guy in my seminar who was in halls of residence and in a similar position to me, but there were stupid class changes and few weeks in and we were separated. Is this bad luck or am I just destined to be lonely? At home, I don’t really have any friends either. I spend my weekends at home with my dog watching tv and playing games while I watch my siblings and parents all go out with their friends and it’s really upsetting. Every day I see people my age having fun as you should in your teenage years, it makes me cry. The only people I ever speak to outside of uni is my family and I’m not joking when I say the last time I hung out with friends outside school hours was when I was 14. I made friends at school but unfortunately they fizzled out after I left, and since a levels I’ve pretty much just been a ghost socially. I’ve wasted the best years of my life and had started to accept that this was supposed to be my life from now on, until I started uni where watching everyone else have fun has pushed me to make friends. I’ve even started go to the gym and started doing singing lessons in an attempt to build my confidence and because I have an interest in singing, but still no one shows interest in becoming friends there. I turn 20 in December and I really don’t want to leave my teens without experiencing the life a teenager should experience. I’ve given up on attempting to make friends for the rest of my first year. However next year I’ll be with new people so if anyone has any advice on making friends whether it’s through societies, freshers week, lectures/seminars and even outside uni at the gym/singing it would be very helpful.
Thank you.
Hello,
Sorry to about what you're going through. I would like you to know that you have infact not wasted your teenage years and you are completely normal. You aren't destined to be lonely and don't have bad luck. A lot of introverted people face similar issues and there are may ways to become more social and go out of your little bubble. You should endeavor to join clubs and societies, preferably something that you have an interest in. Also, try to get a job as you would be forced to communicate with people regularly and make friends from there. Find out about events and activities done in the school or by the school as you would meet other students. It was also a good idea start going to the gym and doing singing lessons. I believe these are the easiest and most effective ways that you can at least be more open, communicative and meet tons of new people. Overall, don't feel bad about not having many friends instead you should try and enjoy your time alone and use it to know more about yourself and develop self love. Don't also accept negative behaviors and attitudes just so they could become your friends, take your time in making friends because ones friends can make or break the person. Hope this helps and remember, you don't have to have it all figured out.
Benedicta,
University of Sunderland Student Ambassador.
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