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Gave man number under pressure help

Hello

TL;DR: gave man (37y/o) number on bus because I was uncomfortable but I don't want to go out with him or anything. There's a high chance I'll see him again- any advice?

Basically I got on the bus last night and I asked this guy who was in front of me if he was getting on so I could either queue behind him if he was or go in front if he was just standing there. He responded by saying that I could just go in front and saying something about me being beautiful. I just kind of laughed and said thank you because that's polite but it was a bit weird. Anyway I got on the bus and he got on after me. In hindsight I should have just sat next to someone but I went to the back because there were pairs of seats that were free (I feel like it's bus etiquette not to sit next to someone when there are other pairs of seats available but maybe I'm thinking too much into it hehe). Of course he came along and sat next to me at which point I was a bit uncomfortable (there were other pairs of seats available) as I was just being polite before and I don't want to lead people on. So I just decided to look out of the window. Anyway, he started talking to me about himself and kept mentioning that I was beautiful, how he had always planned to marry a white woman, how he was still making friends as he only got here recently, how much I'd love [country's] men, teaching me to dance like them and other things like that (don't want to go into too much detail just in case) and trying to segue into getting my number. I wasn't having a conversation I should stress but I was trying not to be rude so I would just kind of laugh at some things but I didn't really know what to say. I suppose in hindsight I should have said I had a boyfriend or something but at a couple of points he literally said things like 'I'm sure your boyfriend is a nice man and he won't mind us being friends' etc. Anyway then he outright asked for my number which I gave because I was on the spot and I was just aware he was right there and my Mum was potentially going to call me so he would know I would have a phone. He called immediately to check it would work. That was right before he got off the bus and he mentioned something about would I mind if he gave me a few calls and I just did that sort of laughing non-committal thing again because he was leaving. I know I handled the situation poorly but this hasn't happened to me before! My question is what should I do now? He tried to call me three times last night and sent me a Whatsapp (I don't have my online status/read receipts on there). There's a high chance I'll come across him again as the uni he said he goes to is close to my house and I'm there for various reasons sometimes esp in the summer (I didn't say this) and he works at a shopping centre I'm often at. This was my usual bus from uni. Any advice? Thanks. For context I'm 20.
Sorry that is just a wall of text didn't realise it would come out like that! I've split it up below so it's easier to read the full thing if you want to:

Basically I got on the bus last night and I asked this guy who was in front of me if he was getting on so I could either queue behind him if he was or go in front if he was just standing there. He responded by saying that I could just go in front and saying something about me being beautiful. I just kind of laughed and said thank you because that's polite but it was a bit weird. Anyway I got on the bus and he got on after me. In hindsight I should have just sat next to someone but I went to the back because there were pairs of seats that were free (I feel like it's bus etiquette not to sit next to someone when there are other pairs of seats available but maybe I'm thinking too much into it hehe). Of course he came along and sat next to me at which point I was a bit uncomfortable (there were other pairs of seats available) as I was just being polite before and I don't want to lead people on. So I just decided to look out of the window.

He started talking to me about himself and kept mentioning that I was beautiful, how he had always planned to marry a white woman, how he was still making friends as he only got here recently, how much I'd love [country's] men, teaching me to dance like them and other things like that (don't want to go into too much detail just in case) and trying to segue into getting my number. I wasn't having a conversation I should stress but I was trying not to be rude so I would just kind of laugh at some things but I didn't really know what to say. I suppose in hindsight I should have said I had a boyfriend or something but at a couple of points he literally said things like 'I'm sure your boyfriend is a nice man and he won't mind us being friends' etc.

He then outright asked for my number which I gave because I was on the spot and I was just aware he was right there and my Mum was potentially going to call me so he would know I would have a phone. He called immediately to check it would work. That was right before he got off the bus and he mentioned something about would I mind if he gave me a few calls and I just did that sort of laughing non-committal thing again because he was leaving. I know I handled the situation poorly but this hasn't happened to me before!

My question is what should I do now? He tried to call me three times last night and sent me a Whatsapp (I don't have my online status/read receipts on there). There's a high chance I'll come across him again as the uni he said he goes to is close to my house and I'm there for various reasons sometimes esp in the summer (I didn't say this) and he works at a shopping centre I'm often at. This was my usual bus from uni. Any advice? Thanks. For context I'm 20.
Reply 2
Send a message saying that you’re not interested and if he persists after that block him. Either that or just block. He shouldn’t have put you on the spot and should be well aware of that
Reply 3
Just tell him you aren't interested. If he insists on being friends, tell him you don't want to be friends or you would rather have friends close to your age (the latter has worked better for me than just saying I don't want to be friends). If he keeps pushing, block him and keep all interactions with him at the shopping centre to a bare minimum or avoid him completely.

Honestly, I would have blocked him after the persistent calls. That's annoying. Sure, you made the mistake of giving him your number because he was persuasive but you don't have to keep entertaining him. He's not your friend and you owe him nothing. With such persistent people, don't feel guilty about being rude. A lot of them won't listen till you're harsh.
You can block people on whatsapp, do that for starters. Decline his calls and give him no engagement whatsoever. Imagine telling someone you've just met you've always wanted to marry a white girl and can teach her how to dance like people from your own country...how creepy. If you see him again then ignore him, and if he sits next to you then you get up and stand or sit somewhere else. Or get the bus at a slightly different time. The only friends he's interested in being is friends with benefits. He wants to explode balls deep inside you and then he'll discard you and move onto another girl. You need to be blunt with these creeps and tell them no.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 5
I’ve had a similar experience with you a few years ago when I used to commute to uni. A creep came up to me and asked for my number and I stupidly gave them my number out loud, I was pretty young and stupid and thought I was being ‘nice’ because he said he knew/had someone my race as their gf before, these creeps will literally tell you anything to persuade you/get you into giving them their number. Anyway, as above users have said, if you aren’t interested in getting to know them, let them know but I wouldn’t bother since it looks like he can’t get the hint by consistently trying to call you, three times, thats mad, I would just block them and pretend you’ve never seen them before, avoid them. if you can, don’t go to places where you’ll likely encounter them.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello

TL;DR: gave man (37y/o) number on bus because I was uncomfortable but I don't want to go out with him or anything. There's a high chance I'll see him again- any advice?

Basically I got on the bus last night and I asked this guy who was in front of me if he was getting on so I could either queue behind him if he was or go in front if he was just standing there. He responded by saying that I could just go in front and saying something about me being beautiful. I just kind of laughed and said thank you because that's polite but it was a bit weird. Anyway I got on the bus and he got on after me. In hindsight I should have just sat next to someone but I went to the back because there were pairs of seats that were free (I feel like it's bus etiquette not to sit next to someone when there are other pairs of seats available but maybe I'm thinking too much into it hehe). Of course he came along and sat next to me at which point I was a bit uncomfortable (there were other pairs of seats available) as I was just being polite before and I don't want to lead people on. So I just decided to look out of the window. Anyway, he started talking to me about himself and kept mentioning that I was beautiful, how he had always planned to marry a white woman, how he was still making friends as he only got here recently, how much I'd love [country's] men, teaching me to dance like them and other things like that (don't want to go into too much detail just in case) and trying to segue into getting my number. I wasn't having a conversation I should stress but I was trying not to be rude so I would just kind of laugh at some things but I didn't really know what to say. I suppose in hindsight I should have said I had a boyfriend or something but at a couple of points he literally said things like 'I'm sure your boyfriend is a nice man and he won't mind us being friends' etc. Anyway then he outright asked for my number which I gave because I was on the spot and I was just aware he was right there and my Mum was potentially going to call me so he would know I would have a phone. He called immediately to check it would work. That was right before he got off the bus and he mentioned something about would I mind if he gave me a few calls and I just did that sort of laughing non-committal thing again because he was leaving. I know I handled the situation poorly but this hasn't happened to me before! My question is what should I do now? He tried to call me three times last night and sent me a Whatsapp (I don't have my online status/read receipts on there). There's a high chance I'll come across him again as the uni he said he goes to is close to my house and I'm there for various reasons sometimes esp in the summer (I didn't say this) and he works at a shopping centre I'm often at. This was my usual bus from uni. Any advice? Thanks. For context I'm 20.

Block him, I guess.

I guess if you really don't like the guy, maybe take the bus at a slightly different time, take a different route etc.
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
You can block people on whatsapp, do that for starters. Decline his calls and give him no engagement whatsoever. Imagine telling someone you've just met you've always wanted to marry a white girl and can teach her how to dance like people from your own country...how creepy. If you see him again then ignore him, and if he sits next to you then you get up and stand or sit somewhere else. Or get the bus at a slightly different time. The only friends he's interested in being is friends with benefits. He wants to explode balls deep inside you and then he'll discard you and move onto another girl. You need to be blunt with these creeps and tell them no.

Plus, those openers/lines are frankly trash for trying to seduce a girl. Not only is the dude a creep, he's terrible at cold approaching.

If you want to cold approach attractive women, for god sakes please at least be good at charming their pants off! And don't be creepy (unlike that guy)
(edited 1 year ago)
Do you think because of his age it is inappropriate?
Original post by karl pilkington
Do you think because of his age it is inappropriate?

They're both adults anyway.

Plus, a good majority are actually capable of consenting to sex at 16, with adults (except authority figures), which is why 16 is a reasonable age of sexual consent for consenting to 16+ (no upper age limit).

Not inappropriate because of his age. But he's still creepy and terrible at cold approaching women.
If he wants to charm the pants off young women, he should stop the terrible openers and not go that quickly. Then he'd actually need to develop his skills/hobbies/charisma etc. and actually gain experience cold approaching women.
(edited 1 year ago)
Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. I had already blocked him on my phone but I was just unsure whether I ought to send some kind of message saying something like that actually, my imaginary boyfriend is not ok with the situation so I won't be keeping in touch (don't want to be faced with a guy who's harbouring resentment given that I didn't assertively reject in the moment- is it unfair?)! Obviously if he hadn't said anything about where he works or studies I wouldn't be concerned about an outright block. But the consensus here seems to be no engagement so I'll adopt that approach and just avoid if I bump into him again as @Sorcerer of Old advised. I'll take the bus at a different time.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. I had already blocked him on my phone but I was just unsure whether I ought to send some kind of message saying something like that actually, my imaginary boyfriend is not ok with the situation so I won't be keeping in touch (don't want to be faced with a guy who's harbouring resentment given that I didn't assertively reject in the moment- is it unfair?)! Obviously if he hadn't said anything about where he works or studies I wouldn't be concerned about an outright block. But the consensus here seems to be no engagement so I'll adopt that approach and just avoid if I bump into him again as @Sorcerer of Old advised. I'll take the bus at a different time.

Good for you.

But to be fair, the guy probably knows a lot of girls lie about having boyfriends when they don't, so the imaginary boyfriend may not work.
Original post by karl pilkington
Do you think because of his age it is inappropriate?

I added my age to just demonstrate/explain my poor decision making given my lack of experience in this area. I'm also not sure if I look my age or not but I don't think I look older so I thought that might help contextualise the comments? I just added his age because he told me his age and I felt it maybe explained a bit my inability to clearly communicate my lack of interest ie I was sat next to by a guy who was I'd say significantly older than me (and who I think knew that) and who was very foward and culturally different to me (I don't know if a British guy would immediately start talking about his desire to marry a woman from a particular race and to take her to his country and to events he's arranging here to 'hang out' with men from his country etc). Obviously I know I'm an adult so I'm not saying that this was creepy or whatever because I'm relatively young- that wasn't the suggestion I was trying to make.
Original post by Anonymous
I added my age to just demonstrate/explain my poor decision making given my lack of experience in this area. I'm also not sure if I look my age or not but I don't think I look older so I thought that might help contextualise the comments? I just added his age because he told me his age and I felt it maybe explained a bit my inability to clearly communicate my lack of interest ie I was sat next to by a guy who was I'd say significantly older than me (and who I think knew that) and who was very foward and culturally different to me (I don't know if a British guy would immediately start talking about his desire to marry a woman from a particular race and to take her to his country and to events he's arranging here to 'hang out' with men from his country etc). Obviously I know I'm an adult so I'm not saying that this was creepy or whatever because I'm relatively young- that wasn't the suggestion I was trying to make.

None of us were there in that situation.

It's entirely plausible depending on what body language/tone/voice you gave off, it could've easily been read as you being interested.

But still, even if he's not a creep, he's a terrible cold approacher, can't really charm the pants off attractive women, not with those openers.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by justlearning1469
Good for you.

But to be fair, the guy probably knows a lot of girls lie about having boyfriends when they don't, so the imaginary boyfriend may not work.

Yes I thought as much. I just understand that cultures are different and maybe he took my behaviour of asking him if he was getting on the bus and thanking him when he called me beautiful was something that he could have taken as me being interested in him, hence why I was hesitant in just blocking/thought that maybe it'd be better to give him a reason why I won't be speaking to him further. I do know it's difficult for men to approach etc. It was just a very uncomfortable and novel situation for me at the time based off what he was saying and how I was sort of stuck at the back of the bus so I didn't feel confident to say I wasn't interested outright (but in an ideal world that's what I would have done as as I said in my first post, I'm not trying to give men false expectations).
Original post by Anonymous
Yes I thought as much. I just understand that cultures are different and maybe he took my behaviour of asking him if he was getting on the bus and thanking him when he called me beautiful was something that he could have taken as me being interested in him, hence why I was hesitant in just blocking/thought that maybe it'd be better to give him a reason why I won't be speaking to him further. I do know it's difficult for men to approach etc. It was just a very uncomfortable and novel situation for me at the time based off what he was saying and how I was sort of stuck at the back of the bus so I didn't feel confident to say I wasn't interested outright (but in an ideal world that's what I would have done as as I said in my first post, I'm not trying to give men false expectations).

To be fair to the dude, you're right, cultures are different, and depending on your tone, voice, and follow-up, I might've taken you to be interested. Better to give him some credit and the benefit of the doubt, so give him a reason.

It's very difficult for men to approach, although most men won't use openers of "how he had always planned to marry a white woman" as this is simply going way too far.

Understandable then.
Original post by Anonymous
I added my age to just demonstrate/explain my poor decision making given my lack of experience in this area. I'm also not sure if I look my age or not but I don't think I look older so I thought that might help contextualise the comments? I just added his age because he told me his age and I felt it maybe explained a bit my inability to clearly communicate my lack of interest ie I was sat next to by a guy who was I'd say significantly older than me (and who I think knew that) and who was very foward and culturally different to me (I don't know if a British guy would immediately start talking about his desire to marry a woman from a particular race and to take her to his country and to events he's arranging here to 'hang out' with men from his country etc). Obviously I know I'm an adult so I'm not saying that this was creepy or whatever because I'm relatively young- that wasn't the suggestion I was trying to make.


OKAY just wondered my advice would be to basically ignore all of his messages the next time you see him just maybe try to ignore him give one word answers if he makes you feel scared or something tell someone else on the bus if you are really scared consider carrying pepper spray or something also the next time someone asks for your number say you don[t give it out to strangers
Original post by karl pilkington
OKAY just wondered my advice would be to basically ignore all of his messages the next time you see him just maybe try to ignore him give one word answers if he makes you feel scared or something tell someone else on the bus if you are really scared consider carrying pepper spray or something also the next time someone asks for your number say you don[t give it out to strangers

Agreed, although sometimes cold approaches do work and the guy is genuinely good.
As someone who has been in this exact situation, here's a quick rundown of my advice:
1) Block him on everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING
2) Do not be afraid to change your number if necessary
3) Try to get a different bus at a different time, or if you have to get the same bus try to get it with someone you know
4) Another option is to get the same bus but always pretend to be taking a phone call, or have someone that you can call during the entire bus journey, so that you seem busy and don't have to engage with him
5) Invest in pepper spray (I'm completely serious)
6) Remember that he's a creepy weirdo and none of his behaviour is your fault. Self-love and self-affirmation, no self-blame.

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