Can someone give me feedback on this i'm going to write this in ques 5

The ending will be decided in the exam due to the theme.

Darkness surrounded me.The distant cacophony of delighted screams faded away.Its noise being suffocated to silence by the pitch black and filled with the eerie sound of nothingness.I stumbled on.The dingy surroundings seemed to become impossibly dirty and shadows cast multiple pathways,trying to steer me from my destination.

I had a bloated and unusually red face,kisses from my girlfriend still plastered onto my face leaving a familiar smell of booze.I tripped over the rocky pavement and my scarred chin from previous fights opened again.My blue eyes bashed against the pavement - turning bloodshot red.I scratched my jungle-like brown hair and stumbled to my feet.Footsteps…

I continued on and could still hear them.The agonising clank of approaching footsteps commanding my feet to accelerate.My head jerked towards a graveyard.The hairs on my back stood up as the headstones entranced my consciousness.The ominous sound of an owl hooting away clawed at my head.Weeds grabbed at the dilapatated walls of the graveyard, trying to escape the thousands of souls - long long forgotten.The footsteps got closer…

I started to pace on now and the footsteps seemed to mimic me.My mind couldn't allow me to turn around yet but my heart kept beating faster,banging against my ribs like a drum.My head wrenched towards a church.Light seemed to shine defiantly, penetrating the darkness on god's chosen home.Unusual hymns of hopes slithered towards me.Was this a dream?

The footsteps were practically beside me.I needed to make a decision now.The clouds, watching over us with their heavy shade of grey, brought down all its rain and humidity all at the same time without ever feeling the need to stop.I plucked up the slight slither of spirit I had and spun around.Nothing.My heart stopped.I turned around…

What?

A draped black figure stared back at me,its face completely concealed with murk.Its scythe held tightly in its hands.This reminisce of a reaper floated above me.It's fingers spreading over my skin,into my eyes,into my mouth.I could hardly see in front of me.The last shreds of strength directed my hand to its hood pulling it with unexpected brawn.

Brother!

Memories of the hospital flooded in alongside the dusty baby clothes long long forgotten.

Reply 1

Ihelppeeps

Darkness surrounded me. ( Id use a comma here, therefore the The doesnt have to be capital)The distant cacophony of delighted screams ( nice oxymoron) faded away. Its noise being suffocated to silence by the pitch black and filled with the eerie sound of nothingness.I stumbled on.The dingy surroundings seemed to become impossibly dirty and shadows cast multiple pathways,trying to steer me from my destination.

I had a bloated and unusually red face,kisses from my girlfriend still plastered onto my face leaving a familiar smell of booze.I tripped over the rocky pavement and my scarred chin from previous fights opened again.My blue eyes bashed against the pavement - turning bloodshot red.I scratched my jungle-like brown hair and stumbled to my feet.Footsteps…

I continued on and could still hear them.The agonising clank of approaching footsteps commanding my feet to accelerate.My head jerked towards a graveyard.The hairs on my back stood up as the headstones entranced my consciousness.The ominous sound of an owl hooting away clawed at my head.Weeds grabbed at the dilapatated walls of the graveyard, trying to escape the thousands of souls - long long forgotten.The footsteps got closer…

I started to pace on now and the footsteps seemed to mimic me.My mind couldn't allow me to turn around yet but my heart kept beating faster,banging against my ribs like a drum.My head wrenched towards a church.Light seemed to shine defiantly, penetrating the darkness on god's chosen home.Unusual hymns of hopes slithered towards me.Was this a dream?

The footsteps were practically beside me.I needed to make a decision now.The clouds, watching over us with their heavy shade of grey, brought down all its rain and humidity all at the same time without ever feeling the need to stop.I plucked up the slight slither of spirit I had and spun around.Nothing.My heart stopped.I turned around…

What?

A draped black figure stared back at me,its face completely concealed with murk.Its scythe held tightly in its hands.This reminisce of a reaper floated above me.It'sgers spreading over my skin,into my eyes,into my mouth.I could hardly see in front of me.The last shreds of strength directed my hand to its hood pulling it with unexpected brawn.

Brother!

Memories of the hospital flooded in alongside the dusty baby clothes long long forgotten

The rest is good