What's wrong with me?

Hi, I want someone to give me the technical term for this thing that I do, it's not uncommon but it is a sorta ****ed up weird thing. I think its a disorder but I'm not sure.

It started in secondary school where instead of talking to a boy and getting to know what he's like and then developing a crush I'd find a boy who I find physically attractive and then create a version of them in my head (such as his personality into whatever i want it to be like a funny kind person for example) and they'd be my crush. And it would be like having any other normal crush where u'd get butterflies n an adrenaline rush everytime they'd walk past or ur eyes lock theirs but I don't really like that person because the real them is completely different to the one I've made up in my head. What I've noticed about this is it has to be a boy I don't talk to at all for example he's in a different class in my year. Ik it's a bit of a ****ed up and unhealthy habit but I don't think I let it become unhealthy because I am well aware that I've created a version of this boy in my head so I'm not crazy crazy lol.

I've also worked out the reason I do this is because school life can be a bit boring and having a crush makes it fun and interesting so it's solely for entertainment purposes. It probably all links in with the fact that if that boy (or any boy I find cute) were to ask me out or even show any slight interest in me I'd immediately feel like there's a threat (because I'm scared of getting my heart broken or being hurt). So maybe I'm doing this weird thing because my brain thinks it's a "safer" way of having a crush and being entertained.

Anyways I just wanted to know if there's a technical term for it thank you.