Can I get him back?

My boyfriend (34) and I (28) have been together for nearly 7 years. He's my first boyfriend and was my first intimate partner. I had anxiety when it came to intimacy and I think things my grandma said played on my mind, so we hardly had sex. We'd have conversations about potentially breaking up but then we'd come up with plans to fix it. When we go away we have a lot of sex but when we come home there isn't much. It's my fault. He decided last year that he doesn't want to go away with me anymore because of knowing there will be a lack of sex when we get home. I suffer with anxiety and depression which affects my sex life. Anyway, we had a chat in April and he tried to break up with me but I wasn't having it, so we came up with a plan for May where we'd try different things to help build up my confidence. It worked, my confidence in the bedroom had improved. Fast forward to last night, we had a chat and he basically ended it because he can't see it working and he doesn't love me anymore........due to me rejecting him so much. I thought when we had the chat that he would say he's still not feeling it but wants to continue our relationship. But no, he doesn't want to keep dragging it out and having these chats. I really think he needs therapy and every time we have this chat, I suggest we go for couples therapy but he keeps say no because he's not ready and he doesn't want to. Which isn't fair because I've tried things he's way. He's gotten into his mind. Every time we had sex, his mind would tell him that it's not working and that it'll go back to how it was before. I said to him that it won't because of how confident I am now in the bedroom, I said to him to let me prove it and he still said no. So I last night, I stayed at my parents to give him space but I'm seeing him later today to pick up more of my things. I can't stop crying because I just want him to be my boyfriend again. I can't believe I've ruined my relationship. It also doesn't help that one of his friends is going through something similar but he is married and has 1 child. I feel like that has scared him. I have been under stress from my studies but now that uni is over for the summer, I feel like it's the perfect time to show him I've changed. I want to tell him that but I just feel like he won't change his mind because of the damage I've caused.

I'm hoping that by giving him some space he'll want to get back together. Is there any chance that we can get back together? Or have I ruined it forever?

My boyfriend (34) and I (28) have been together for nearly 7 years. He's my first boyfriend and was my first intimate partner. I had anxiety when it came to intimacy and I think things my grandma said played on my mind, so we hardly had sex. We'd have conversations about potentially breaking up but then we'd come up with plans to fix it. When we go away we have a lot of sex but when we come home there isn't much. It's my fault. He decided last year that he doesn't want to go away with me anymore because of knowing there will be a lack of sex when we get home. I suffer with anxiety and depression which affects my sex life. Anyway, we had a chat in April and he tried to break up with me but I wasn't having it, so we came up with a plan for May where we'd try different things to help build up my confidence. It worked, my confidence in the bedroom had improved. Fast forward to last night, we had a chat and he basically ended it because he can't see it working and he doesn't love me anymore........due to me rejecting him so much. I thought when we had the chat that he would say he's still not feeling it but wants to continue our relationship. But no, he doesn't want to keep dragging it out and having these chats. I really think he needs therapy and every time we have this chat, I suggest we go for couples therapy but he keeps say no because he's not ready and he doesn't want to. Which isn't fair because I've tried things he's way. He's gotten into his mind. Every time we had sex, his mind would tell him that it's not working and that it'll go back to how it was before. I said to him that it won't because of how confident I am now in the bedroom, I said to him to let me prove it and he still said no. So I last night, I stayed at my parents to give him space but I'm seeing him later today to pick up more of my things. I can't stop crying because I just want him to be my boyfriend again. I can't believe I've ruined my relationship. It also doesn't help that one of his friends is going through something similar but he is married and has 1 child. I feel like that has scared him. I have been under stress from my studies but now that uni is over for the summer, I feel like it's the perfect time to show him I've changed. I want to tell him that but I just feel like he won't change his mind because of the damage I've caused.

I'm hoping that by giving him some space he'll want to get back together. Is there any chance that we can get back together? Or have I ruined it forever?

You won't like hearing this but you 2 shouldn't be together. If after 7 years he isn't willing to try therapy he doesn't care about the relationship and from what it sounds like he's quite selfish putting his sexual desires above your comfort. Go to therapy by yourself and be single. Learn to love yourself it'll be so worth it in the end. Hope you can heal from this 💖

Thank you for your reply, I feel like he does care about the relationship but his mind is telling him otherwise. We hardly had a sex life because of me and my issues, we tried working on them and I gave him empty promise and hope.

If he still wants to be with you then you 2 definitely should try couple's therapy. I'm guessing he knows about your issues. How does he respond to them does he blame u?

I think he’s been communicating that he’s been unhappy for a long while and the relationship is over.

There is a chance that you could get back together but you have to do the work. From what you have written, you seem to be the problem. So I am not sure why you suggested going for a couple’s therapy when the problem is your issues / lack of confidence in sex.

My suggestion is to go for therapy on your own / speak to your GP. You should work on your fears. This is to avoid a repetition in your relationships.

Also maintain contact with him and suggest you both do things together.

Good luck

I am willing to try everything!! But he just doesn't see it. I don't know if by giving him space will make him see it. I am the problem and I fully blame myself for all of this. I suggested couples therapy to help bring his confidence back and to help me with my issues and to help me feel more confident. My confidence has grown over the last month from the things we have tried. Unfortunately, he said he has tried to do things but is scared of me saying no. I said to him he wouldn't know if he tried. I felt like couples therapy would help both of us together. I already see a therapist and I know that I'll try and not let my barriers get in the way.

We have been talking, not a lot but he's with his friends. He said we can be friends and I'm in the process of moving out

He has done that and we've tried to work on it on our own. That's why I suggested we had couples therapy for some professional help to sort out his feelings and my confidence in sex. My confidence in sex has grown over the last month but he doesn't want to see if it continues to work

He said he doesn't want to be with me and doesn't want to try couples therapy or therapy of his own. In the past he has struggled with my mental health because he didn't know what to do. He hasn't said he blames me