The Student Room Group

can anybody tell me how much marks this question 5 will get out of 40

The warm glow of the TV screen gently lit Sophie's face as she dosed off on her bed she made the decision to indulge in her favourite pastime on a peaceful Friday Night by binge-watching her favourite tv show on Netflix her mind briefly escaped the everyday realities of life as she crawled up in her warm blanket and lost herself in the enthralling world of the characters on the screen the only sounds in the room where the show speech and the crunching of popcorn creating an atmosphere of tranquillity it was the ideal evening for her this was her pinnacle of relaxation a comedic movie which reminded her of a carefree childhood.

Sophie heard the familiar sound of a floorboard creaking from downstairs as she was absorbed in the episode's suspenseful climax her body tightened in anticipation as the euphoria she had been experiencing abruptly departed her body the new and uncomfortable sounds disturbed the Peaceful atmosphere that she had created.

“Maybe it's just the wind, or perhaps it could be a person?”

She carefully climbed out of her bed leaving the comfortable blanket of happiness and confidence behind her steps scarcely made a sound on the carpeted floor. Rummaging around her bedroom she frantically sought any means of protection, she had equipped an ancient and degraded tennis racket which he used as her only line of Defense. Her heartbeat pounded across her ribcage and perspiration started to gather on her forehead as her benevolent sanctuary had been breached. Feelings of Curiosity and unease rushed to her head she moved cautiously in the direction of her bedroom door shaking a little as she reached for the doorknob. Isolated. Alone. Vulnerable. this is what she felt as she got prepared to face the dangers lurking outside.

Sophie entered the corridor her heart beats beating faster she made the decision to go see what was making the noise and cautiously descended the stairway the tension increased with each step and she imagined all the possible outcomes of what might be waiting for her at the bottom. Robbery. Kidnapping. Death. when she got to the bottom floor she looked for any indication of intrusion or disturbance her head was full of worries and she began to feel increasingly uneasy as she pressed against the ancient and derelict floorboards that let out a haunting creak of melancholy similar to the one she heard earlier.

She frantically reached for her phone and dialled her family member's numbers fearing the worst Sophie called each of our loved ones one at a time but got no answer she started to feel paradoxical and questioned why none of them were responding her mind raced with questions as she imagined the worst case possibilities was there an awful thing she didn't know about where any of them in danger.

Sophie was getting ready to defend her house when she suddenly heard a commotion with voices shouting and laughing outside, her pulse was pumping with terror and resolve. Was this the laughter of an abhorrent criminal? She cautiously opened the front door because she was bewildered and when she opened the door she was astounded by what she saw her family and friends that she had called were now in front of her waving balloons and party hats to show how amused they were by Sophie's reaction of amazement and astonishment the sound she thought she had heard was actually the sound of them getting ready for a big surprise birthday party she now felt a flood of relief like as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and then a wave of Joy and appreciation her lips formed a wide sincere smile that filled the room with his unbridled warmth and contagious happiness she was no longer carrying the burden of tension and anxiety which was now replaced by a contended and jovial cheer.
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Original post by edohh
The warm glow of the TV screen gently lit Sophie's face as she dosed off on her bed she made the decision to indulge in her favourite pastime on a peaceful Friday Night by binge-watching her favourite tv show on Netflix her mind briefly escaped the everyday realities of life as she crawled up in her warm blanket and lost herself in the enthralling world of the characters on the screen the only sounds in the room where the show speech and the crunching of popcorn creating an atmosphere of tranquillity it was the ideal evening for her this was her pinnacle of relaxation a comedic movie which reminded her of a carefree childhood.

Sophie heard the familiar sound of a floorboard creaking from downstairs as she was absorbed in the episode's suspenseful climax her body tightened in anticipation as the euphoria she had been experiencing abruptly departed her body the new and uncomfortable sounds disturbed the Peaceful atmosphere that she had created.

“Maybe it's just the wind, or perhaps it could be a person?”

She carefully climbed out of her bed leaving the comfortable blanket of happiness and confidence behind her steps scarcely made a sound on the carpeted floor. Rummaging around her bedroom she frantically sought any means of protection, she had equipped an ancient and degraded tennis racket which he used as her only line of Defense. Her heartbeat pounded across her ribcage and perspiration started to gather on her forehead as her benevolent sanctuary had been breached. Feelings of Curiosity and unease rushed to her head she moved cautiously in the direction of her bedroom door shaking a little as she reached for the doorknob. Isolated. Alone. Vulnerable. this is what she felt as she got prepared to face the dangers lurking outside.

Sophie entered the corridor her heart beats beating faster she made the decision to go see what was making the noise and cautiously descended the stairway the tension increased with each step and she imagined all the possible outcomes of what might be waiting for her at the bottom. Robbery. Kidnapping. Death. when she got to the bottom floor she looked for any indication of intrusion or disturbance her head was full of worries and she began to feel increasingly uneasy as she pressed against the ancient and derelict floorboards that let out a haunting creak of melancholy similar to the one she heard earlier.

She frantically reached for her phone and dialled her family member's numbers fearing the worst Sophie called each of our loved ones one at a time but got no answer she started to feel paradoxical and questioned why none of them were responding her mind raced with questions as she imagined the worst case possibilities was there an awful thing she didn't know about where any of them in danger.

Sophie was getting ready to defend her house when she suddenly heard a commotion with voices shouting and laughing outside, her pulse was pumping with terror and resolve. Was this the laughter of an abhorrent criminal? She cautiously opened the front door because she was bewildered and when she opened the door she was astounded by what she saw her family and friends that she had called were now in front of her waving balloons and party hats to show how amused they were by Sophie's reaction of amazement and astonishment the sound she thought she had heard was actually the sound of them getting ready for a big surprise birthday party she now felt a flood of relief like as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and then a wave of Joy and appreciation her lips formed a wide sincere smile that filled the room with his unbridled warmth and contagious happiness she was no longer carrying the burden of tension and anxiety which was now replaced by a contended and jovial cheer.


this would get around 30-35 marks, good range of language but not enough imagery and such to keep the reader engaged

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