Not sure how to confront friends
So i live with my two friends at uni, have done for the last three years, but this year has been so different.
we all used to do things together all the time, but for the majority of this year i’ve found that i don’t get asked to do these things with them anymore.
nothing has changed on my end, i still make sure i ask both of them if they’d like to join me in whatever i’m doing, and they both usually say yes. i haven’t changed my behaviour towards them.
but they’ve stopped asking me to do anything with them.
around january i noticed that one of them, the one of us who drives, would says she’s just going to pick our other friend up from the train station, they’d both be right back. yet they’d be gone for hours. i found out they were going from the station to starbucks or mcdonald’s, usually both.
i asked them about it, asking “is there a reason why i’m not ever asked to join you?” and they’d both just shrug their shoulders at me. the best answer i got was “well we always do this, when one of us comes back up on the train we’ll go for a catch up, you know that!” both of those statements are lies, they never used to do this before the beginning of this year, and i was never once told about it. so i asked if maybe the next time they did that i could come with them.
their response to this? they stopped doing it at all.
they still DO go out to go out, but they now disguise it with “we’re just going to the shop, we won’t be long!” and they proceed to go be out for hours. the first time this happened they asked me if i wanted anything brought back from the shop, and i said “well could i not just come with you?” and one of them begrudgingly sighed and said “well you can if you want to.” i said no because i could feel their attitudes change when i asked. they’ve done this ever since.
i haven’t said anything about it, but they do this multiple times a week now, and i’m quite sick of being left out of everything they do while i make sure they never feel left out. i want to confront them about it but the last time i did that they just changed their ways of hiding it. is there anything i could do?
we all used to do things together all the time, but for the majority of this year i’ve found that i don’t get asked to do these things with them anymore.
nothing has changed on my end, i still make sure i ask both of them if they’d like to join me in whatever i’m doing, and they both usually say yes. i haven’t changed my behaviour towards them.
but they’ve stopped asking me to do anything with them.
around january i noticed that one of them, the one of us who drives, would says she’s just going to pick our other friend up from the train station, they’d both be right back. yet they’d be gone for hours. i found out they were going from the station to starbucks or mcdonald’s, usually both.
i asked them about it, asking “is there a reason why i’m not ever asked to join you?” and they’d both just shrug their shoulders at me. the best answer i got was “well we always do this, when one of us comes back up on the train we’ll go for a catch up, you know that!” both of those statements are lies, they never used to do this before the beginning of this year, and i was never once told about it. so i asked if maybe the next time they did that i could come with them.
their response to this? they stopped doing it at all.
they still DO go out to go out, but they now disguise it with “we’re just going to the shop, we won’t be long!” and they proceed to go be out for hours. the first time this happened they asked me if i wanted anything brought back from the shop, and i said “well could i not just come with you?” and one of them begrudgingly sighed and said “well you can if you want to.” i said no because i could feel their attitudes change when i asked. they’ve done this ever since.
i haven’t said anything about it, but they do this multiple times a week now, and i’m quite sick of being left out of everything they do while i make sure they never feel left out. i want to confront them about it but the last time i did that they just changed their ways of hiding it. is there anything i could do?
I'm not a relationship specialist... but I'd say leave it alone completely.
I completely understand that friends are so valuable, especially when it comes to university, however, willing to keep on gaining their friendship when you have seen they are, in one way or another, purposefully ignoring you, May just be a waste of time and will keep bothering you and your studies at your university.
There are more loyal friends out there. 'Friends' that choose to ignore you are NOT your friends; and they've declared that for themselves. You mustn't focus on building relationships with such people - they don't even deserve such a good person like you! Instead, search for people who are always willing to help you, not just socially, but with your work too. Those are the friends that will help you advance In life, and will draw you away from any bad things, or anything they see could impact you. They will care for you more than. The ones that ignored you, and they are much better than them.
Like I said before, I'm no specialist, but leaning against building the relationship again and again and again? Don't waste your time! You have so much more to do, so many better friends to get... its just not worth losing your head over it. The process may (most likely will) be daunting, but you'll see the benefits of the change one day. If you do, I'll be more than glad to hear about it.
Good luck
I completely understand that friends are so valuable, especially when it comes to university, however, willing to keep on gaining their friendship when you have seen they are, in one way or another, purposefully ignoring you, May just be a waste of time and will keep bothering you and your studies at your university.
There are more loyal friends out there. 'Friends' that choose to ignore you are NOT your friends; and they've declared that for themselves. You mustn't focus on building relationships with such people - they don't even deserve such a good person like you! Instead, search for people who are always willing to help you, not just socially, but with your work too. Those are the friends that will help you advance In life, and will draw you away from any bad things, or anything they see could impact you. They will care for you more than. The ones that ignored you, and they are much better than them.
Like I said before, I'm no specialist, but leaning against building the relationship again and again and again? Don't waste your time! You have so much more to do, so many better friends to get... its just not worth losing your head over it. The process may (most likely will) be daunting, but you'll see the benefits of the change one day. If you do, I'll be more than glad to hear about it.
Good luck
Respectfully, I do not think they are the group of people you should be hanging out with. Take a break from them, and tell them your emotions openly and honestly.
Why do you want to waste your valuable time & energy confronting people who seem to have 1.5 feet out of the friendship door and prefer to spend their time together away from you?
Move on politely and leave them to it.
There is also a possibility that their friendship with each other may have strayed into the romantic or sexual realms and they don't want anyone else to discover it.
Move on politely and leave them to it.
There is also a possibility that their friendship with each other may have strayed into the romantic or sexual realms and they don't want anyone else to discover it.
Original post by Anonymous
So i live with my two friends at uni, have done for the last three years, but this year has been so different.
we all used to do things together all the time, but for the majority of this year i’ve found that i don’t get asked to do these things with them anymore.
nothing has changed on my end, i still make sure i ask both of them if they’d like to join me in whatever i’m doing, and they both usually say yes. i haven’t changed my behaviour towards them.
but they’ve stopped asking me to do anything with them.
around january i noticed that one of them, the one of us who drives, would says she’s just going to pick our other friend up from the train station, they’d both be right back. yet they’d be gone for hours. i found out they were going from the station to starbucks or mcdonald’s, usually both.
i asked them about it, asking “is there a reason why i’m not ever asked to join you?” and they’d both just shrug their shoulders at me. the best answer i got was “well we always do this, when one of us comes back up on the train we’ll go for a catch up, you know that!” both of those statements are lies, they never used to do this before the beginning of this year, and i was never once told about it. so i asked if maybe the next time they did that i could come with them.
their response to this? they stopped doing it at all.
they still DO go out to go out, but they now disguise it with “we’re just going to the shop, we won’t be long!” and they proceed to go be out for hours. the first time this happened they asked me if i wanted anything brought back from the shop, and i said “well could i not just come with you?” and one of them begrudgingly sighed and said “well you can if you want to.” i said no because i could feel their attitudes change when i asked. they’ve done this ever since.
i haven’t said anything about it, but they do this multiple times a week now, and i’m quite sick of being left out of everything they do while i make sure they never feel left out. i want to confront them about it but the last time i did that they just changed their ways of hiding it. is there anything i could do?
we all used to do things together all the time, but for the majority of this year i’ve found that i don’t get asked to do these things with them anymore.
nothing has changed on my end, i still make sure i ask both of them if they’d like to join me in whatever i’m doing, and they both usually say yes. i haven’t changed my behaviour towards them.
but they’ve stopped asking me to do anything with them.
around january i noticed that one of them, the one of us who drives, would says she’s just going to pick our other friend up from the train station, they’d both be right back. yet they’d be gone for hours. i found out they were going from the station to starbucks or mcdonald’s, usually both.
i asked them about it, asking “is there a reason why i’m not ever asked to join you?” and they’d both just shrug their shoulders at me. the best answer i got was “well we always do this, when one of us comes back up on the train we’ll go for a catch up, you know that!” both of those statements are lies, they never used to do this before the beginning of this year, and i was never once told about it. so i asked if maybe the next time they did that i could come with them.
their response to this? they stopped doing it at all.
they still DO go out to go out, but they now disguise it with “we’re just going to the shop, we won’t be long!” and they proceed to go be out for hours. the first time this happened they asked me if i wanted anything brought back from the shop, and i said “well could i not just come with you?” and one of them begrudgingly sighed and said “well you can if you want to.” i said no because i could feel their attitudes change when i asked. they’ve done this ever since.
i haven’t said anything about it, but they do this multiple times a week now, and i’m quite sick of being left out of everything they do while i make sure they never feel left out. i want to confront them about it but the last time i did that they just changed their ways of hiding it. is there anything i could do?
I can completley relate to how you feel. I am in sort of the same situation too and the best advice I can give you is try to sit with them and talk to them about it. This sort of problems are common with trios when 2 people leave one person out. If they keep giving you an attitude and it seems like the problem isnt going anywhere or it is not getting resolved compleltly block them out. By blocking them out i mean dont talk and dont conversate with them in anything.
It seems like you live with them so if theres something aboslutley necessary you need to discuss with them about such as laundry, food cleaning then let them know but anything extra than that dont. By pulling yourself out of that friendship they will question why you are behaving that way. They definetley are aware that they have been excluding you so they will know your actions are a reprucusion of theirs. Hopefully to sometime they will notice and ask you about it and you let them know how your feeling. But do not under any circumstances TRY or PUSH them to make them feel bad for you. Putting yourself under the bus only hurts you and not them so that leads me to my next point.
Surround yourself with other friends or people. Make new friends or even just go out by yourself. If you cant drive just go for a walk or find another friend that can drive and go out with them instead. When your in tough situations like these its important to surround yourself with people and friends that make you happy and accept you for you. Isolation will not help you and will only make you feel worse. Being alone and seeing them go out will definetlry hurt but use this time to create new friendships. Have fun and know that you dont deserve to be treated like that. If you have truly done nothing wrong dont go looking for answers or trying to get revenge. You are an amazing human being and anyone should be grateful to have you as their friend..
Hope this helps!
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