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Am I making the wrong decision?

I have previously taken 2yrs out of uni. I started and almost completed the first term in 2019, but due to personal things that happened at uni & starting medication I had to leave

Content warning: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts

Spoiler

While trying to recover from this period of severe poor mental health COVID hit, I wanted to get a job to re-build my confidence but it proved extremely difficult. I got a job and then 1 month later it closed down for months. I then tried volunteering then the company closed down for months again. Before, I knew it I had to go back to uni & my anxiety was terrible as I hadn’t interacted with anyone other than my family for such a long period of time. I didn’t really get the opportunity to conquer it with COVID.

I still returned to uni, but when I got to uni to uni my anxiety hit like a tonne of bricks. I felt more anxious than when I first started my first year, I could barely hold conversation with my flatmates without panic. There were no other opportunities to conquer my anxiety as everything was online. I also ended up re-involved with someone who took advantage of me which escalated my depression. I swiftly realised with the risk of another lockdown too (which did end up happening) that being at uni on my own & isolated was not right given the circumstances. I requested another year out and finally got a job. I came back with the next intake a lot more in control of my anxiety, but it was still problematic.

I passed 1st year with a strong 2.1, achieving 65-72 in every assignment. I then got into second year and achieved again grades ranging from 58-85 in 4 assignments. Although my mental health was better, my routine was extremely unhealthy I’d have weeks where I had 0 motivation for life in general & I would sleep through entire days and barely fed myself. I often couldn’t sleep at all when I needed too. My attendance was no existent because I couldn’t sustain attention in lectures likely due to sleep deprivation, I would fall asleep in lectures as I’d get tired so quickly. Around March I recognised that I needed to re-try medication (I hoped things would just resolve on their own, I had received therapy before but it never helped me enough to get out of this position), I was afraid of going back on meds as they had previously really interfered with concentration and I believe they played apart

Content warning: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts

Spoiler

By, the time I accepted I needed to be on medication it was too late. The pressure of my course ramped up significantly in the last 2 months, assignments piled up & suddenly with my condition it felt no longer possible.

I have decided to request a repeat in studies. As I feel if I start medication across the summer re-access support, re-start making sure I’m constantly accessing support early instead of ignoring my condition until I’m struggling severely. Plan my time way in advance I could complete 2nd year successfully.

But, when I explain how I took 2yrs out and then repeated a year it sounds ridiculous. I would have been at university for 6yrs by the time I graduate, one year I will have to finiacially cover myself. I feel terrible & realise my mistake in being naive about my ability after 1st year completion, I should have started meds in that summer but I was too afraid & indenial. . The only careers I have in mind require degree’s. Do you think I’m making the right decision? If you could you put yourself in my shoes, would you make a similar decision? Do you guys think I’m being stupid basically?I’m concerned university isn’t actually for me & I’m forcing myself into a mould…. But, my grades made me think I was on the right path, considering my attendance was poor and the terrible state of my lifestyle to come out with grades such as 85 makes me think I should be pursuing a degree.

Reply 1

cheadle

There are a couple of broad questions here.

The first relates to the logistics of continuing with your study.

Putting L4 aside, as you have successfully completed that under what were some challenging circumstances - so well done on that.

As to L5, has the exam board met and issued you with a results letter for the year? Normally its first offer would be a resit/retake package to be completed over the summer with either capped or uncapped marks depending on whether you have approved EC/MCs.

I'm not sure if you can "apply" to retake the year per se. It is something that the Exam Board can offer you, at the appropriate point (usually after the resit/retake package has not been completed). If that's the case, then you need to make sure that your ECs/MCs are kept up to date, if applicable.

ESSENTIAL: keep in touch with your Personal Tutor and Programme Administrator, make sure they know what your broad intentions and wishes are. Make sure that you are operating within your uni's regulations in terms of keeping your options open.

As to the second question, which is about whether or not you are doing the right thing. You are currently berating yourself on what you should've and shouldn't've done. I think you should be kinder to yourself, accept that you are where you are, and look more to the future. What is coming across is that you want to get a degree and are clearly capable of it to a high standard.