i hate my best friend but love our friendship.

i’ve had the same best friend since i started school. we’ve been through multiple groups and friends, sticking together through each phase. there have been times where it’s just been us- even then i was grateful to have her as my only friend. we’ve had so many great moments and memories, we spend every moment laughing- we’re hilarious and known as a dynamic duo. i genuinely put everything into this friendship. in my head, we’re so close i see this as an almost familial connection. i probably love her like a sister. in the sense that despite arguments or off days, i see her with the same amount of love. i can honestly say that i give everything in this friendship. i really try to be an amazing friend. i try to be someone that i would like as a friend. i have NEVER spoken behind her back, and never would. i would ALWAYS back her, regardless if she was right or wrong. i sometimes feel embarrassed by the way i see her, it’s as if my life revolves around her. i don’t normally mind. i love the weeks where we’re so close no one can come between us. i genuinely want the best for her, i’m so loyal, have never wished for her downfall, constantly praise and reassure her. when she does *****y things, i brush them off. I’m won’t a person to make a fuss, i think close friends shouldn’t argue over insignificant things like that. i want her to be happy. i just want us to be united. in my head it’s us against the world. but she doesn’t reciprocate this. i feel like she sees me as a burden. sometimes it’s as if she only sees my faults. like she’s out to humiliate me in front of our other friends. when she goes in these moods they can last a day or even weeks. it’s constant. i see myself constantly worrying and checking whether she’s in a good mood with me or not. and it’s never justified. i can say hand on heart i never do ANYTHING. it’s like something just changes and she hates me. everyone else seems more appealing, more fun, less annoying. she never voices the cause for this and i’m too afraid to ask. i tend to avoid speaking when she goes in these moods. i just listen for the sarcastic comments she makes about me. i know i haven’t done anything though. all i can do is wait for her to be back to normal- walk on eggshells, hoping i don’t say anything to displease her. i feel stupid for letting her treat me like this. but she’s temperamental and saying anything would cause chaos with the rest of the group. i just feel so under appreciated and unvalued. she makes me feel like **** actually. and recently, small things like not inviting me out. she knows i would never do that to her. through everything, it’s only ever been me there. only ever been me that really cared. we haven’t known our friends as long yet she seems to respect them more. she forgets my loyalty. she never appreciates anything, it’s like she doesn’t even appreciate me showing up and making an effort. i do genuinely feel so alone when she’s like this. if it were anyone else i would tell them to stand up for themselves. i’m not scared of her, i’m actually a very outspoken person. but it’s just easier to wait in silence for the rough patches to pass. i feel so stupid and conflicted for this. i hate the way she treats me. i hate her rude personality. i hate how she turns without warning, and makes me feel like i’ve done something to be treated like that. i don’t deserve it. at all. but i love our friendship when it’s good. i love her when this consideration is reciprocated. we have such amazing times together and when things are normal it’s so fun. we’re unstoppable. i feel as if it’s not worth sacrificing such a great relationship when we’re on good terms. i just feel so alone and humiliated when she treats me like this. i don’t know what to do. i would never do this to her. i don’t want to lose this friend.

Reply 1

Muttly

Stop suffocating the life out of your friend and find some other interests and other people to interact with - or you will lose your friend.

Your life is not dependent on your friend giving you attention.

Take a step back and work out who is doing all the work here?