I’ve been single my entire life, I’m 20, I’ll soon be 21 and it feels so sad when I think most people have had a relationship by now. I feel ill-fated with relationships, I’ve never met the right person to “click” with. I’ve been on apps etc but nothing comes of it. I feel exhausted from trying. I wonder if it’s because I’m always looking for someone to date wherever I go, so it doesn’t happen (like I don’t give it chance to happen spontaneously like most things do?) but yeah I’ve kissed maybe 20+ people, I could’ve had sex but I just didn’t want to at the time people suggested it. I’m a late bloomer, had my first kiss at 19, so maybe relationships will happen later for me too. But I feel like a weirdo. If I’m totally honest I wouldn’t even know what I want right now and it wouldn’t be convenient to be in a relationship.
If anyone likes me then I instantly get the ick or feel freaked out, I just feel like I’m maybe not ready but really want it to happen because I’m too worried about societal pressure. Also some relationship experience would be good bc when I am ready for something serious then I’ll know what I’m looking for.
Ahh this was more of a rant about confused feelings but yeah I’m so lost with wanting to be really close to someone and have something meaningful but at the same time it’s a bad time and I don’t even know where to start but any suggestions would help thanks