Why are dating apps so bad for finding a real connection?

I met my current partner on one and prior to that had success in meeting really cool and interesting people. So to that extent I don't agree but appreciate it's many peoples experience.

For the most part I think people use apps wrongly, in the sense that they're trying to form the connection over the app/phone, rather than using it as a way to screen like-minded people and meet up with them ASAP to find out of there is any spark.

Most people you message won't reply. Most people who reply won't hold a conversation. Most conversations won't lead to a meet up. Most meet ups won't lead to anything substantial. Once you accept all that, it's a lot easier to be a bit more easy-going about the 'setbacks'.

Reply 3

Malaoon

You should meet people in real time to get to know them better people on the website usually aren't there for anything serious they are to just enjoy and to other people

Reply 4

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

As the title says really. Can anyone help me with any insights?

... because a computer algorithm is no substitute for the dynamic / vibe / chemistry you get when you meet someone IRL.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Says who? I disagree completely, most relationships nowadays start with dating apps. If you're unsuccessful with apps you're probably unsuccessful even without apps, am I right?

Reply 6

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Says who? I disagree completely, most relationships nowadays start with dating apps. If you're unsuccessful with apps you're probably unsuccessful even without apps, am I right?

No.

Reply 7

flamingolover

22

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

As the title says really. Can anyone help me with any insights?

I agree with a lot of other responses on here. I also thing it depends on the apps you are losing. I've not met anyone off of tinder but i really like hinge and i know a lot of my friends have met partners on hinge

Reply 8

Gazpacho.

11

What sort of connection do you expect from a couple of pictures, a "I like coffee and travelling" bio, and a few exchanged text messages?

The connection develops when you meet in person.

Reply 9

Rakas21

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

As the title says really. Can anyone help me with any insights?

Basically because of the interaction between dating economics and dating psychology.

Essentially the psychology is that most men and women have relatively the same standards to enter a serious relationship (women have a little higher but not much) however men compartmentalise sex due to less reliance on Oxytocen and thus will have casual sex with a far lower standard of woman.

This impacts dating economics because it makes apps like Tinder meat markets. Women are normally seeking relationships and will impose higher aesthetic terms (because apps focus on appearance) than men because men view sex with a fat woman as an adequate substitution even if they probably wouldn’t seek a relationship. Essentially the supply of men vs women willing to meet quickly makes online dating a sellers market for women and they are able to impose higher prices.

This is largely the result of societal change as well. When a woman’s pool of men was limited to the workplace and pub, men were less disadvantaged. In addition, when women were beholden to morality/church, even modestly unattractive men would get half a dozen dates to impress her.

Reply 10

OP

It's a barren desert out there.

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 11

OP

Most peculiarly of all, the only people who ever match with me are black. White girls never match with me. This is very perplexing. Oh and if it offends any sententious pc person I don't care. But does anyone know why this might be?

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 12

londonmyst

19

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Most peculiarly of all, the only people who ever match with me are black. White girls never match with me. This is very perplexing. Oh and if it offends any sententious pc person I don't care. But does anyone know why this might be?

Could be that the local area is very popular with students from the african continent, charismatic church groups, short stay contract workers and tourists- all recently arrived in britain.
Or the dating site is popular with the kink crowd and polyamorous pairs looking for extra guys that they haven't met before.

Are you getting matches from poly couples (one guy, one girl) or very creepy sounding people with weird kinks?

Reply 13

Gazpacho.

11

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

It's a barren desert out there.

Then why are you bothering with apps then?

Get yourself out, turn on your charms, and you’ll meet someone.

I’ve never understood why people complain about online dating when there are so many other options.

Reply 14

OP

Original post by londonmyst

Could be that the local area is very popular with students from the african continent, charismatic church groups, short stay contract workers and tourists- all recently arrived in britain.
Or the dating site is popular with the kink crowd and polyamorous pairs looking for extra guys that they haven't met before.

Are you getting matches from poly couples (one guy, one girl) or very creepy sounding people with weird kinks?

No the black girls are Christian and into monogamy. No kink.

Reply 15

StriderHort

They're generally just too shallow and easy to pick up & discard, you don't need to really put yourself out there to dabble and plenty users are just after the digital ego hit of matches, not meets.

Reply 16

Rakas21