English language Paper 1 Q2 (Feedback Please!)

Hi this is my first attempt at this question feedback would be great. My tutor said this would score 3/8 so please let me know where I made mistakes and what I can improve on.

English Language Paper 1, Q2

12m

The writer describes the T-Rex as intimidating creature. The writer gives us a visual of the T-rex's appearance by using the Rule of 3 describing it as standing on "oiled, resilient, striding legs" by using the rule of 3 to highlight the T-rex's physique the writer is almost praising the T-rex for its legs. From which we can then assume the T-rex had a very impressive and intimidating physique.
And by using the masculine and confident verb "striding" it gives us connotations of something powerful and aggressive as it makes us feel the T-rex was fearless and unapprehensive to any danger. Making us predict that the T-rex was a predatory animal and held supremacy over other animals.

Furthermore the Adjective "resilient" gives us the impression that the I-rex is invincible. Making us wonder whether the T-rex can be killed. The writer then highlights its "skin like armor" using this simile to compare it to armor implies the T-rex had very thick almost impenetrable skin. Leading us to believe the I-rex would have been a difficult opponent to defeat. The writer then describes the t rex as "each lower leg having a piston" this metaphor clearly illustrates how the writer thought the t-rex moved in a almost mechanical motion and leading us to believe the T-rex acted in almost precise precision. The noun
"piston" also gives us connotations of something small and robust making us think just like a piston the T-rex was designed in a compact and efficient way.

Reply 1

Mrdino32

Original post by Mohommad Ali

Hi, I think that the selection of writer's methods in this is quite good. However, there is only one or two lines of analysis backing it up before switching to a completely different point. Perhaps, trying this structure would yield better results:

The writer uses ___ to describe _________
embedded textual reference
writer's method
analysis
deeper meaning
effect on the reader

I will give an example.
The writer uses metaphor to describe the omnipotence of the t-rex. By explaining that "each lower leg [of the t-rex]" had " a piston" he seeks to highlight the dangerous efficiency of the beast. In doing so, the writer hints that the t-rex is specifically adapted for killing in a brutal and inhumane way. This further implies that it may believe that it's entire existence can only be defined through violence and, therefore, actively seeks out any opportunity to dominate those around it. By crafting the creature in this way, the writer allows the reader to understand that for peace and tranquility to be re-established, the t-rex must be vanquished.

can you see how i tried to prioritise one perceptive analysis with multiple alternative inferences rather than multiple one liners. This paragraph alone would be about 6 marks on its own so another one like this within the 12mins would most likely hit full.

Try using one of the other one-liners you suggested and begin to really squeeze everything you can out of it. I'd love to see what you produce.

I hope this helps