i’m fully aware this might make me sound like an a-hole, but just hear me out:
me and my boyfriend have been together for a little while, almost a year, and while that seems like a long time i honestly don’t feel like there is anything between us. we both got together just after coming out of relationships, mine was a 3 year long relationship and his was over a year, at the time i thought it was what i wanted because i’d known him for a while and after the break up he was offering me a lot of support and advice etc that made me fall for him i suppose. the first few months were good, although none of my family really approved of him, (he’s younger than me, comes from a difficult family, a far cry from being mature etc) but i saw something in him.
anyway, as time has gone on i’ve seen how i might’ve made a mistake moving so quickly, we always have petty arguments over text because we hardly see each other tbh, he doesn’t drive and so it’s always me having to go to him and it’s hard to fit that in around my family commitments and work, he used to be in the army, but left after a month because i guess he didn’t like being told what to do, because he definitely doesn’t like it when i tell him, he acts as if he’s above everyone else and on some sort of pedestal that makes him untouchable.
i always call him out, tell him how i feel and most of the time he’ll apologise but it more than likely will happen again and again, and it’s making me dizzy going around in these circles. anyway after he left the army he wasted no time in meeting friends and taking random drugs that caused him to call me and ask for help because he was higher than he’d ever been, but i said that was his choice and he should just wait in his friends house until it passes and get himself home as i wouldn’t drive him. that isn’t someone i want to spend my life with.
anyway, he lives like 40 minutes away and i was going to drive up to his house tomorrow to see him as it’s been well over a month since the last time i have, and today he’s began looking for a petty argument again, saying i’m always late (at most i’m like 30 minutes late but i can’t control traffic) and just other little comments that he is saying, in his opinion, are just jokes but it’s because i call him out and he doesn’t have a response.
so basically he’s someone i don’t really have a connection with, and someone who i’d have to drive 40 minutes there and back to if i were to break up with him face to face, and i’ve broken up with guys before that i’ve lost connection to, but always to their face because i know that’s the respectful way to do it, but i honestly (and this is where i sound like an a-hole) have no respect for him or his actions and considering we only ever talk over text and very rarely see each other, would it be so bad to end it that way?
i know he’ll take the break up bad, he was way more into me than i was into him, and still now he’ll say how he’s really glad he has me etc, but i can’t keep lying to him and saying i feel the same, so i know i want things to end, i just don’t know how to do it.
he has no problem saying things over message to me but then goes into a shell if i confront him in person about it, so if i break up with him to his face i know he won’t have any words, and it’ll be a quick 5 minute thing
but over text i know he’ll have a lot to say.
i don’t know, i obviously don’t feel right about a text break up, but i feel if there ever was a fitting situation for it to happen it’s this one.
am i am a-hole for even considering this?