Neve gotten attention from guys
Hi,
I am second year uni student (had a gap year as well) and I have never ever been in a relationship or had a guy be into me. Idk what's wrong with me, like I don't think I'm ugly (I'm no model either). I've never had a guy say to me he likes me, or ask me out. I've also never gone up to a guy and confessed either bc I'm like 99% sure I'd be rejected by every guy I've ever had an interest in.
I don't like dating websites/apps since anyone can see your profile and I don't like being so easily accessible on the internet.
I think my personality or looks must just be repulsive to guys (I do have friends so I can't be THAT horrible right?). Or maybe in social settings there's many more attractive girls around or with better personalities which is why I am never approached. Also to note, I am a POC, which may have something to do with it all.
Anyways - advice?
I am second year uni student (had a gap year as well) and I have never ever been in a relationship or had a guy be into me. Idk what's wrong with me, like I don't think I'm ugly (I'm no model either). I've never had a guy say to me he likes me, or ask me out. I've also never gone up to a guy and confessed either bc I'm like 99% sure I'd be rejected by every guy I've ever had an interest in.
I don't like dating websites/apps since anyone can see your profile and I don't like being so easily accessible on the internet.
I think my personality or looks must just be repulsive to guys (I do have friends so I can't be THAT horrible right?). Or maybe in social settings there's many more attractive girls around or with better personalities which is why I am never approached. Also to note, I am a POC, which may have something to do with it all.
Anyways - advice?
What do you do proactively to put yourself in a position where guys can notice you? If you're hiding in your dorm whenever you're not at lectures, it's not surprising. After all, we can't approach you if we don't know about you.
So you say you're not keen on using dating apps... what are you doing to put yourself out there IRL? Do you go out to pubs /clubs? Are you a member of any extra curriculum club in the university? Do you visit your friends at other unis on weekends, and get to know their friendship groups? If you're in halls, do you volunteer to help organise the hall activities? Do you interact with your housemates friends / course-mates when they come round?
Let's assume you do go for a night out (at least once in a while)... do you stay within your group or do you interact with others? Do you hit the dancefloor and strut your stuff, or are you a "wall-flower?". What are your conversational skills like (in general) and do you smile when you're speaking to someone?
When talking about nights out, one thing you can do is learn how to dance. It's a personal belief that literally ANYONE can double their sex-appeal by learning how to dance (if you don't have any physical disabilities, you can do this) . I'm not saying you have to be the next Beyoncé or Jenifer Lopez,... or even doing some mad twerking; but just learning a few basic moves / steps and how to follow a beat. You say you're a P.O.C, but you don't specify what your ethnicity is... but it's worth bearing in mind that dancing is one of the few positive stereotypes associated with black people. Still, if you look at most black people dancing on a night out, they're nothing special... but they DO KNOW how to follow a beat and move to it; i.e. they have rhythm. There are a number of ways you can get this, without spending hours training in a dance studio... if you're interested, let me know and I can post them.
Also remember to be confident in yourself. Are there any reasons people shouldn't like you? I would urge you to work on your insecurities, but confidence can be faked in the short term. Maybe you could develop a graceful (verging on arrogant) walk, where you're walking tall and proud.. basically saying "I'm the best **** you've never had" . The sort of thing I mean might be, for example, a cross between a supermodel strut a street-style swagger (with a smile to lessen the whole "attitude" thingy
). And when you do get chatting to a dude, don't second guess yourself. To quote Nikki Minaj, assume he already thinks you're " The Alpha, the Omega and everything in between" 
(Kinda an "Act like a queen to get treated like a queen" dynamic).
So you say you're not keen on using dating apps... what are you doing to put yourself out there IRL? Do you go out to pubs /clubs? Are you a member of any extra curriculum club in the university? Do you visit your friends at other unis on weekends, and get to know their friendship groups? If you're in halls, do you volunteer to help organise the hall activities? Do you interact with your housemates friends / course-mates when they come round?
Let's assume you do go for a night out (at least once in a while)... do you stay within your group or do you interact with others? Do you hit the dancefloor and strut your stuff, or are you a "wall-flower?". What are your conversational skills like (in general) and do you smile when you're speaking to someone?
When talking about nights out, one thing you can do is learn how to dance. It's a personal belief that literally ANYONE can double their sex-appeal by learning how to dance (if you don't have any physical disabilities, you can do this) . I'm not saying you have to be the next Beyoncé or Jenifer Lopez,... or even doing some mad twerking; but just learning a few basic moves / steps and how to follow a beat. You say you're a P.O.C, but you don't specify what your ethnicity is... but it's worth bearing in mind that dancing is one of the few positive stereotypes associated with black people. Still, if you look at most black people dancing on a night out, they're nothing special... but they DO KNOW how to follow a beat and move to it; i.e. they have rhythm. There are a number of ways you can get this, without spending hours training in a dance studio... if you're interested, let me know and I can post them.
Also remember to be confident in yourself. Are there any reasons people shouldn't like you? I would urge you to work on your insecurities, but confidence can be faked in the short term. Maybe you could develop a graceful (verging on arrogant) walk, where you're walking tall and proud.. basically saying "I'm the best **** you've never had" . The sort of thing I mean might be, for example, a cross between a supermodel strut a street-style swagger (with a smile to lessen the whole "attitude" thingy
). And when you do get chatting to a dude, don't second guess yourself. To quote Nikki Minaj, assume he already thinks you're " The Alpha, the Omega and everything in between" (Kinda an "Act like a queen to get treated like a queen" dynamic).(edited 6 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I've also never gone up to a guy and confessed either bc I'm like 99% sure I'd be rejected by every guy I've ever had an interest in.
Why do you think that?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
I am second year uni student (had a gap year as well) and I have never ever been in a relationship or had a guy be into me. Idk what's wrong with me, like I don't think I'm ugly (I'm no model either). I've never had a guy say to me he likes me, or ask me out. I've also never gone up to a guy and confessed either bc I'm like 99% sure I'd be rejected by every guy I've ever had an interest in.
I don't like dating websites/apps since anyone can see your profile and I don't like being so easily accessible on the internet.
I think my personality or looks must just be repulsive to guys (I do have friends so I can't be THAT horrible right?). Or maybe in social settings there's many more attractive girls around or with better personalities which is why I am never approached. Also to note, I am a POC, which may have something to do with it all.
Anyways - advice?
I am second year uni student (had a gap year as well) and I have never ever been in a relationship or had a guy be into me. Idk what's wrong with me, like I don't think I'm ugly (I'm no model either). I've never had a guy say to me he likes me, or ask me out. I've also never gone up to a guy and confessed either bc I'm like 99% sure I'd be rejected by every guy I've ever had an interest in.
I don't like dating websites/apps since anyone can see your profile and I don't like being so easily accessible on the internet.
I think my personality or looks must just be repulsive to guys (I do have friends so I can't be THAT horrible right?). Or maybe in social settings there's many more attractive girls around or with better personalities which is why I am never approached. Also to note, I am a POC, which may have something to do with it all.
Anyways - advice?
You should put yourself out there. Go to bars, parties and clubs. Are you a virgin? If no, then your post does not make sense because someone had to fancy you enough to lay it down.
If you have self-confidence issues, maybe seek professional help. Good luck.
Unless people are very attractive things don’t land on a plate. For the majority of people it’s about playing to your strengths and having patience and tenacity to find a decent partner. Get out where singles hang out, flirt widely, get some advice from more successful mates and see what you can do
I'm looking to meet a few guys, go on some dates. Nothing serious. Seems impossible though. I've only ever been asked out twice (in sixth form), that was nearly 3 years ago. I've not had anyone show the slightest interest in me since then. I thought uni would finally be my time to date a bit, get some experience before I'm ready for something more serious - but it's not happening. I think I'm better looking and have better style since sixth form, but I think I'm less confident.
Also, tbh this year I've not been on the social side of things much, but last year I was doing 3 sports and 2 societies, regularly going to socials, and even going to my course society. There was this guy on my course I really liked, and istg, he'd have convos with my friends, but whenever it was me and him, he'd be dead silent (tbf I wish I'd tried speaking to him more from my side but he was pretty quiet when it was just me and my friends weren't there).
Anyways he's not here this year (my friend said he's now transferred to a London uni).
This year, I'm not surprised about this since I've not resumed any social activities (there's alot going on in my life and I've not been able to fully immerse myself into uni life because of this). But last year is what confuses me since I didn't have a single guy come up to me in that whole year. Idk it was weird... I must give off a bad vibe or that I have a bad personality.
Also, tbh this year I've not been on the social side of things much, but last year I was doing 3 sports and 2 societies, regularly going to socials, and even going to my course society. There was this guy on my course I really liked, and istg, he'd have convos with my friends, but whenever it was me and him, he'd be dead silent (tbf I wish I'd tried speaking to him more from my side but he was pretty quiet when it was just me and my friends weren't there).
Anyways he's not here this year (my friend said he's now transferred to a London uni).
This year, I'm not surprised about this since I've not resumed any social activities (there's alot going on in my life and I've not been able to fully immerse myself into uni life because of this). But last year is what confuses me since I didn't have a single guy come up to me in that whole year. Idk it was weird... I must give off a bad vibe or that I have a bad personality.
Original post by AF2Dr
To be honest, from your post you seem to be ruling out methods which could potentially work:
1. Approach guys first, given that waiting around for them to approach you isn't working.
2. Use dating apps. Loads of people use them these days, it is very normal to do so.
1. Approach guys first, given that waiting around for them to approach you isn't working.
2. Use dating apps. Loads of people use them these days, it is very normal to do so.
okay the first one is fair enough. But I don't want to use dating apps. I mean I don't think there's anything wrong with them, it's just I'd rather meet a person in real life a few times before deciding to date them ya know? It's just reallyyyyy not for me. For example if I'm doing a certain sport/society, and I meet someone there it's like we already have this thing in common. Plus I'm literally surrounded by guys my age in uni, there must be something really wrong with me if I can't find someone to date even then.
Original post by Surnia
Why do you think that?
Idk, alot of the guys I'm interested in are a different race to me e.g white or another race different to mine (I don't wanna specify anything since I'd die of embarrassment if anyone saw this post and knew who I was), and I don't think they'd be interested in me as a POC. Like I usually tend to see people of the same race dating, rarely see any interracial couples, whether it's white and POC, or two diff POCs. I'm not saying I'm not interested in anyone of my own race, it's just I've not come across anyone of my own race who I'm interested in in my current environment (my course is majority white people, my sports are majority white and some other races with mayyyyybe one or two of my own race). I feel like the guys I'm into would not date out of their own race (not bc of racism or anything but bc it's a preference or what they're used to). Meanwhile me, I don't really have one racial preference - if I find someone attractive it's bc they're attractive overall, not their race ya know?
Idk if I'm making any sense.
Original post by Anonymous
Idk, alot of the guys I'm interested in are a different race to me e.g white or another race different to mine (I don't wanna specify anything since I'd die of embarrassment if anyone saw this post and knew who I was), and I don't think they'd be interested in me as a POC. Like I usually tend to see people of the same race dating, rarely see any interracial couples, whether it's white and POC, or two diff POCs. I'm not saying I'm not interested in anyone of my own race, it's just I've not come across anyone of my own race who I'm interested in in my current environment (my course is majority white people, my sports are majority white and some other races with mayyyyybe one or two of my own race). I feel like the guys I'm into would not date out of their own race (not bc of racism or anything but bc it's a preference or what they're used to). Meanwhile me, I don't really have one racial preference - if I find someone attractive it's bc they're attractive overall, not their race ya know?
Idk if I'm making any sense.
Idk if I'm making any sense.
It sounds like you're putting up barriers before you even start. It sounds like you don't know what guys want as you haven't approached anyone and expect it all to happen to you rather than because of you.
I don't know why people have these big expectations of dating at uni. I never dated at uni or for several years after that; I wasn't looking for anything, but even being social there was no-one I was interested in. I eventually met someone at work. Take the pressure off yourself; does it really matter that much if you don't date in uni?
Original post by Anonymous
Idk, alot of the guys I'm interested in are a different race to me e.g white or another race different to mine (I don't wanna specify anything since I'd die of embarrassment if anyone saw this post and knew who I was), and I don't think they'd be interested in me as a POC. Like I usually tend to see people of the same race dating, rarely see any interracial couples, whether it's white and POC, or two diff POCs. I'm not saying I'm not interested in anyone of my own race, it's just I've not come across anyone of my own race who I'm interested in in my current environment (my course is majority white people, my sports are majority white and some other races with mayyyyybe one or two of my own race). I feel like the guys I'm into would not date out of their own race (not bc of racism or anything but bc it's a preference or what they're used to). Meanwhile me, I don't really have one racial preference - if I find someone attractive it's bc they're attractive overall, not their race ya know?
Idk if I'm making any sense.
Idk if I'm making any sense.
When you say POC are you brown or black ?
And what’s your culture like?
Idk this may seem like a weird question but I’ll expand on why I asked this
Original post by Anonymous #2
When you say POC are you brown or black ?
And what’s your culture like?
Idk this may seem like a weird question but I’ll expand on why I asked this
And what’s your culture like?
Idk this may seem like a weird question but I’ll expand on why I asked this
lolll i've not logged on in forever.
I'm a brown girl. As for my culture, I don't really participate much bc my family aren't very cultural - pretty whitewashed I can't lie (though I'd like to learn more someday).
I've quickly realised brown girls are at the bottom of the food chain when it comes to dating. I'm quite brown, like not fair. I've been told that i'm pretty, and that i could be a model (that's more bc of my body type - think tallish, skinny, flat as a door
), but yeah, i feel like most guys don't even give me a second glance. I have white friends, and i'm prettier than some of them but they get way more attention (i'm not the prettiEST by any means, lots of my friends are prettier, but even those that aren't get more attention). hope this didn't come across as narcissistic in any way - believe me, i'm under no delusions regarding my appearance.Original post by Surnia
It sounds like you're putting up barriers before you even start. It sounds like you don't know what guys want as you haven't approached anyone and expect it all to happen to you rather than because of you.
I don't know why people have these big expectations of dating at uni. I never dated at uni or for several years after that; I wasn't looking for anything, but even being social there was no-one I was interested in. I eventually met someone at work. Take the pressure off yourself; does it really matter that much if you don't date in uni?
I don't know why people have these big expectations of dating at uni. I never dated at uni or for several years after that; I wasn't looking for anything, but even being social there was no-one I was interested in. I eventually met someone at work. Take the pressure off yourself; does it really matter that much if you don't date in uni?
I just want to have fun, date around ya' know? nothing serious, but I want to get some more experience
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