Why do people hate it when a woman doesn't want kids?
I don't want kids - idk if that will change in the future but for the last 3 years, it has been a definite no. I get the whole idea of raising a child and how that could be a fun experience but i don't like the financial aspect of it, the social expectations for a mother compared to the father nor do i the whole aspect of pregnancy or child birth. If it wasn't for those factors, then i would consider.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I don't want kids - idk if that will change in the future but for the last 3 years, it has been a definite no. I get the whole idea of raising a child and how that could be a fun experience but i don't like the financial aspect of it, the social expectations for a mother compared to the father nor do i the whole aspect of pregnancy or child birth. If it wasn't for those factors, then i would consider.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
I also get hit with the:
"Who's gonna look after you when your old" or "You're going to be lonely". Again, i dont understand these arguments. If im having a child purely for the sake of getting looked after when i'm older, then thats just selfish and a massive waste of time. I could get a dog or a cat to cure this "loneliness". Again, i don't have kids, I've been living on this planet for 22 years and when i've felt lonely, there has not been one time where i thought "ahh yes, if only i have a child, that would make it better".
I understand why people want kids and i do like kids but i don't think i will ever be physically, mentally or financially ready for this but people just decide to look over this instead. Would they rather me have a child but that child live a terrible life? Bc thats just sad. Funnily enough, its more men who feel angered abt these sorts of things, sure you get some women but in my experience, its more men especially online. maybe they don't completly understand the whole process idk.
I plan to come back to this post in a year and see if my mind has changed lol
Because misery loves company. I've also never wanted kids and I just don't care about the opinions of others - they aren't the ones who would have to give up their life to look after a screaming kid day and night.
Re thinking "Who's gonna look after you when your old" is selfish and a waste of time etc. I'm not about to say that alone is a good reason to have kids, but when you get a bit older you might start to see the harsh realities of that situation, sometimes you need people who love you in your corner to speak up for you, particularly in cases of dementia and metal incapacity where your own voice stops counting as much.
I've been though this with my own (late) mum when there just wasn't anyone else and as much as it was all kinda horrible I feel deeply proud that I was able to repay some of the time and compassion she had shown me over my life, and through all this I saw exactly what happens to the people with no one speaking up for them, they basically get packed up in a room to soil themselves and watch TV.
I've been though this with my own (late) mum when there just wasn't anyone else and as much as it was all kinda horrible I feel deeply proud that I was able to repay some of the time and compassion she had shown me over my life, and through all this I saw exactly what happens to the people with no one speaking up for them, they basically get packed up in a room to soil themselves and watch TV.
The answer is that there are still a lot of people who hold on to the idea that the 'role' of a woman in society is to have children, and whether conscious or not that is what is coming out in these conversations. I don't necessarily buy into the 'misery loves company' argument. Frankly that sort of argument makes the same mistake as the people you're complaining about; it assumes that people who have kids must be miserable because they're doing something that you don't find appealing. Which is, of course, quite wrong. I have no doubt that there are some people who regret having children for a whole host of reasons, just as there will be those who choose not to have kids and go on to regret it. But as much as having kids has all of the downsides you mentioned, and indeed many that you're not aware of, for a lot of people who have kids the positives more than outweigh the negatives. In practice people who judge you for not wanting to have kids aren't doing out of some sort of envy, but because society as a whole is still struggling in large part to accept the idea that a woman may genuinely not want to have kids. And there is a patriarchal element to this, because it is women that get judged for it far more than men do. Unfortunately whilst it is hopefully something that will improve over time, it's still an issue and not something for which there is an easy fix.
The irony here, of course, is that you're 22. It's entirely normal not to be attracted to the idea of having kids at that age. You're practically still a child yourself. And you're right that your mind may change in future. But if it doesn't, that's fine too. Even though I have children I am amazed at how society still normalises the idea of women going through labour and childbirth, because it is incredibly difficult and traumatic both physically and mentally. I wouldn't judge any woman for not wanting to go through that. Same applies to the other challenging aspects of parenting. For me the positives do outweigh the negatives, but if you don't want those negatives and want your life to take a different trajectory, that is absolutely your choice. At the age of 22 I'd say having that mindset is positively normal. As much as I hate to say it, for women who are in their 30s and 40s and don't have kids, that scrutiny is often worse because they won't change their mind at that age. As I say, I very much hope society's attitudes have become more progressive by the time you are that age. Either way, the most important thing is that you make the right decisions for you. If others judge you for that, then so be it. If it's in passing, brush it off. If it's friends or others you see more regularly, spend time with those who do support you and the choices you make.
The irony here, of course, is that you're 22. It's entirely normal not to be attracted to the idea of having kids at that age. You're practically still a child yourself. And you're right that your mind may change in future. But if it doesn't, that's fine too. Even though I have children I am amazed at how society still normalises the idea of women going through labour and childbirth, because it is incredibly difficult and traumatic both physically and mentally. I wouldn't judge any woman for not wanting to go through that. Same applies to the other challenging aspects of parenting. For me the positives do outweigh the negatives, but if you don't want those negatives and want your life to take a different trajectory, that is absolutely your choice. At the age of 22 I'd say having that mindset is positively normal. As much as I hate to say it, for women who are in their 30s and 40s and don't have kids, that scrutiny is often worse because they won't change their mind at that age. As I say, I very much hope society's attitudes have become more progressive by the time you are that age. Either way, the most important thing is that you make the right decisions for you. If others judge you for that, then so be it. If it's in passing, brush it off. If it's friends or others you see more regularly, spend time with those who do support you and the choices you make.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I don't want kids - idk if that will change in the future but for the last 3 years, it has been a definite no. I get the whole idea of raising a child and how that could be a fun experience but i don't like the financial aspect of it, the social expectations for a mother compared to the father nor do i the whole aspect of pregnancy or child birth. If it wasn't for those factors, then i would consider.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
But i've been told that i'll change my mind when i meet the one but i don't understand how that will change those factors - unless the man is rich. Other than that, i still have societal expectations of being a mother and i still have to go through childbirth. Not only this but if baffles me when other women who have kids think my opinion is wrong, its my life choice and idk why they try so hard to make me change my mind. Are they that upset about their choice that they want others to have their downfall? It's like owning a handbag and then shoving the idea down everyone's throats that they should get the same one too. I dont get it.
Again, maybe in the future, the medical industry will finally improve so that child birth is easier but idk. My idea could change in the future but i dont understand why people are so eager to make it change rn. I'm still young, I have plenty of time.
that's ture. some people just don't want others lead a happy life, but should suffer as they did
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