Hi ,
I'm In year 13 and have around 78 days left till my a levels exam in the summer . I do biology , chemistry and Religious studies and I'm taking a gap year after school. Been dealing with procrastination really all my life if I'm given months to do something I wont do it till I feel the urgency of a couples days left which then I cram like crazy and burn my self out so much in the process whuch destroys my mental health . I'm self aware of my problem I just don't think I can't change it as in I feel like I'm in a loop ever since GCSE till now from every mock to every mid unit tests I do the same habits no matter how hard I want to change I still happen to do the same thing . Leave it till late cram and then get anxious and tired and give up. The worst about all of this is that when I actually try hard and put my mind to something I genuinely have potential and do well this is what hurts me the most when get the bad grades knowing I'm wasting my potential . I don't know the root cause of my procrastination I been an anxiety filled person all my teenage years . I think sometimes I leave it till late because I have the comfort of knowing the deadline is too far away so I'm okay for now and then I realise I'm losing time I have a panic attack and I get so overwhelmed with everything I have to do the hardwork scares me that I back up and just let it pile up instead of dealing with it I avoid it because I hate being uncomfortable. Or maybe it's beacuse I lack self compassion and I don't really love myself enough to try do well yet I feel like I have a million reasons why I wanna succeed I want it so bad it scares me but yet I still don't put effort . Also it all started with a big burnout I had and ever since then I just have a cycle of cramming and burning out which I hate sooo much yet I do it all the same . In case you couldn't tell I lack self discipline. I ahve watched every video and read every article and I know all the tips I just don't do it it acc feels like a can't at this point . With 78dayd left and with soo much to do I genuinely want to try my hardest and just see where it gets me but it's not that I don't know how I just can't? (Apologies for sounding like a pitiful victim ) . Does anyone go through this or has ever overcame this ?? I want nothing more than too break free I feel honestly mentally exhausted in this continuous cycle it's getting boring. Sometimes I bave 5 lazy days and then 1 days I get a boost of productivity and get so much work done then it goes down . The grades I need is AAA for a levels I think I can get an A I RS but I can't see myself getting those grades in bio and chem
Thank u