my boyfriend hates that he wasnt my first

i think its odd, and i can slightly understand but not fully,
i had my first time with my previous boyfriend at 16, i have no regrets as he truly was my person once, but not now.

anyways, my current boyfriend starts getting upset randomly and then goes into a silent mood and wont talk to me, and whenever i try and talk to him about it, he will just get upset whenever the subject is brought up.

he lost his virginity to me a couple months ago, and we have only done it 3 times in total, but he absolutely HATES the idea that someone „slept with his girl“ even though this was waaay before i had even met my current bf.

how can i fix this? im not sure i can do much honestly

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 1

ageshallnot

Original post by misou

i think its odd, and i can slightly understand but not fully,
i had my first time with my previous boyfriend at 16, i have no regrets as he truly was my person once, but not now.
anyways, my current boyfriend starts getting upset randomly and then goes into a silent mood and wont talk to me, and whenever i try and talk to him about it, he will just get upset whenever the subject is brought up.
he lost his virginity to me a couple months ago, and we have only done it 3 times in total, but he absolutely HATES the idea that someone „slept with his girl“ even though this was waaay before i had even met my current bf.
how can i fix this? im not sure i can do much honestly

Subtly communicate to your bf that he is both better and bigger than your ex. (Even if this isn't true.)

Reply 2

Surnia

No offence, but I assume he knew well in advance the situation he was getting into, and if that's the case, If he wanted a virgin girlfriend that's who he should have chosen!

It's not for you to fix, other than to remind him that you are far more than just your virginity; you are a whole person that he should be loving and caring about.

Reply 3

artful_lounger

Universities Forum Helper

He's going to get even more disappointed when he's in his 40s and realises all the women his age aren't virgins either.

Reply 4

Ghostlady

you cant fix it and he needs to get over it, otherwise its not worth continuing the relationship if all he does is has this hang up over it.

Reply 5

Crazy Jamie

Careers Forum Helper

As has been said, it's not for you to fix. By all means express sympathy, but this is basically a combination of immaturity (not realising that it actually makes no difference at all whether he was your first or not) and sexism (this notion that you're 'his' girl, as if being with another man has ruined you in some way or made you less pure than he would like, standards which he no doubt won't apply to himself). I'm not saying he is either sexist or a misogynist, but that's the source of the frustration that someone else slept with you. Double standards, essentially.

There are no doubt things you can say that may help. Highlight that you have chosen not to be with the other guy, and that you have actively chosen to be with him. You're both very young, and you have a lot of growing up to do together. If you stay together for any length of time that experience will absolutely be significantly more important than your first relationship. That sort of thing can perhaps help to give him some perspective, but then again if he gets angry when it's even brought up, perhaps not. You can certainly try to help, but on a basic level he just needs to grow up, which in and of itself may be difficult because he's a male teenager, and by definition is therefore not only less mature than you are likely to be, but quite immature in general.

Reply 6

Colliesue

Original post by misou

i think its odd, and i can slightly understand but not fully,
i had my first time with my previous boyfriend at 16, i have no regrets as he truly was my person once, but not now.
anyways, my current boyfriend starts getting upset randomly and then goes into a silent mood and wont talk to me, and whenever i try and talk to him about it, he will just get upset whenever the subject is brought up.
he lost his virginity to me a couple months ago, and we have only done it 3 times in total, but he absolutely HATES the idea that someone „slept with his girl“ even though this was waaay before i had even met my current bf.
how can i fix this? im not sure i can do much honestly