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Being gay - for me ultimately an empty, pointless and unfulfilling life

Hi, how do I get over something? I am open about being gay and often put it aside in my youth, but sometimes when I stop and realise that I am getting older (21 now), I question why I am aiming so high in my career when my life is going to be so pointless.

Some gay people have no responsibilities in their adulthood. I think this stems most fundamentally from the fact that most gay men do not settle down and have families of their own, whether that be because of the physical or emotional impossibilities of doing so. This is why most gay men lead their adult lives as though they are still teenagers - sleeping around, living on the scene, dabbling in drugs, abusing alcohol and clubbing well beyond any acceptable age. It is an extremely empty existence.

Gay people live alternative lifestyles, I accept that. I know my life is an alternative one. We don't fall into the ideal of the nuclear family because we never will have families of our own. The best idea we will ever have of 'family' is the immediate family we have from our childhood - our brothers and sisters, our parents. But beyond that, we will never have our own families, we will never experience that kind of responsibility. I know so many gay men in their mid to late thirties who still live as though they are sixteen years old - it's tragic.

I honestly sometimes feel like there is absolutely no point in my life. I have aimed extremely high in my career ambitions and have achieved a lot and know pretty much where I am heading, but even if I do make money, have the car etc etc there is little point because essentially gay lifestyles are very empty.

I am also doubtful that I will ever find a 'one true love' - and even if I do, it is unlikely to last long - gay relationships never last long. Gay relationships are more unstable and rocky that heterosexual relationships. I will probably never marry. I'm going to be one of those tragic middle class, middle aged gay men who have achieved a lot with their careers but nothing else - no personal life, nothing fulfilling, no family of my own to boast of, nothing... just emptiness.

I don't know why I am panicking about all this lately - I think I have become conscious of my mortality and that I am getting older and am seriously thinking about the future. I just think my future is bleak and pointless.

There's no point being here is you don't have children, and there's certainly no point in having a good career if you only have yourself to work for.

Any other gay people feel like this? Sorry if I have offended anyone, but it's the harsh reality once you turn down the Kylie and Madonna and the nightclub doors have shut.

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Reply 1

FirstDiscovery

Well some gay people get married to women simply because they feel they are much more emotionally fulfilling. TBH we are all guilty of superficiality, and its only when we see that time is ticking we pull ourselves together.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 2

gagaslilmonsteruk

Original post by Anonymous

Being gay has nothing to do with your career.

Gay people have no responsibilities in their adulthood. I think this stems most fundamentally from the fact that gay men do not settle down and have families of their own, whether that be because of the physical or emotional impossibilities of doing so. This is why most gay men lead their adult lives as though they are still teenagers - sleeping around, living on the scene, dabbling in drugs, abusing alcohol and clubbing well beyond any acceptable age. It is an extremely empty existence.

You're stereotyping here

Gay people live alternative lifestyles, I accept that. I know my life is an alternative one. We don't fall into the ideal of the nuclear family because we never will have families of our own. The best idea we will ever have of 'family' is the immediate family we have from our childhood - our brothers and sisters, our parents. But beyond that, we will never have our own families, we will never experience that kind of responsibility. I know so many gay men in their mid to late thirties who still live as though they are sixteen years old - it's tragic.

Not necessarily true. Gay people can adopt or get a surrogate, get married and live an ordinary life.

I honestly sometimes feel like there is absolutely no point in my life. I have aimed extremely high in my career ambitions and have achieved a lot and know pretty much where I am heading, but even if I do make money, have the car etc etc there is little point because essentially gay lifestyles are very empty.

I am also doubtful that I will ever find a 'one true love' - and even if I do, it is unlikely to last long - gay relationships never last long. Gay relationships are more unstable and rocky that heterosexual relationships. I will probably never marry. I'm going to be one of those tragic middle class, middle aged gay men who have achieved a lot with their careers but nothing else - no personal life, nothing fulfilling, no family of my own to boast of, nothing... just emptiness.

I don't know why I am panicking about all this lately - I think I have become conscious of my mortality and that I am getting older and am seriously thinking about the future. I just think my future is bleak and pointless.

Talk through your feelings with someone it may help. You have a good future ahead of you. If you need to talk head over to the LGBT Chat X thread. I'm sure people there will understand/have been through what you are going through. Be strong.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 3

GPH92

Original post by Anonymous

I am also doubtful that I will ever find a 'one true love' - and even if I do, it is unlikely to last long - gay relationships never last long. Gay relationships are more unstable and rocky that heterosexual relationships. I will probably never marry.

I agree with this and feel the same.

Reply 4

username221592

Starting a family is not the only objective in life.

Reply 5

pinkangelgirl

bloody hell, im a straight woman and i feel the same!

Lol, trust me its not just because your gay.

Reply 6

Chumbaniya

Original post by Anonymous

Gay people have no responsibilities in their adulthood. I think this stems most fundamentally from the fact that gay men do not settle down and have families of their own

What has lead you to believe this? Maybe gay men are less likely to settle down in the traditional sense (as much due to the way society works as due to their own choices about doing so), but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Do you really think that no gay men decide, as they become older, to remain in long-term, committed relationships where they cohabit with a partner?

It really sounds to me from a lot of what you write that you need to gain an understanding of homosexuality that goes beyond what's typical for young gay men. Being gay doesn't need to prescribe the choices you make in your life - it just means you'll be making those choices whilst having a preference for male partners. Nothing more. Just as with heterosexual individuals, there are all sorts of things you might want from your life and whatever you want you're likely to find others who want the same thing and who want to share that with you.

Reply 7

Marco Dilivio

didnt bother reading ur post just want to let you know that I agree with YOUR statement that was "an empty, pointless and unfulfilling life"

now this comment shouldnt get deleted and I shouldnt get a warning because all I'm doing is agreeing with what the original poster said

:smile:

me 1 - 0 the system

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Why are you blaming you lack of achievements on being gay? Gays can get decent jobs and live a normal lifestyle, the ONLY difference would be their partner would have the same equipment in their underwear

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Well i'm a gay women and know lots of other gay women and some of them have been with their partners long term and others are even married and have kids. It's not impossible and in fact I find being with women more fulfilling than being with men.

So maybe you didn't mean to include lesbians but I don't think, from personal experience, it is one size fits all.

Maybe talk about your feelings with someone though because you sound depressed and someone to talk to may really help you.

Reply 10

Staceycake

If I could I would positive your post but I can't 'cause I have to positive other people more first.. if only others said things I agree with like I do with this..

Reply 11

clockwork_eye

Its an urban myth thatyt gays dont participate in long term relationships. They have comparable mariage stats to straight people which suggests that gay marriages are even stonger since they face more challenges

Reply 12

ViceVersa

Being gay doesn't stop you from achieving things in life straight or bi people achieve.

Reply 13

jeery83

Original post by Anonymous

Gay people have no responsibilities in their adulthood.

Of course gay people have responsibilities - just like straight people. Unless the gay gene negates the need for somewhere to live, things to eat, bills to pay!

Original post by Anonymous

Gay people live alternative lifestyles, I accept that.

Gay people don't live "alternative" lifestyles any more than straight people.

Original post by Anonymous

I am also doubtful that I will ever find a 'one true love' - and even if I do, it is unlikely to last long - gay relationships never last long.

I know lots of gay people and most are married or in long term relationships.

Original post by Anonymous

Gay relationships are more unstable and rocky that heterosexual relationships.

Not really. I'm pretty sure that most straight relationships aren't plain sailing.

Original post by Anonymous

There's no point being here is you don't have children, and there's certainly no point in having a good career if you only have yourself to work for.

Gay people can have kids. Also, you don't need kids to have a fulfilling life.

No offense, but you need to get out the head space of the gay stereotype that you see on telly. Real gay men aren't all camp, sex crazy sluts, that mince around showing off and partying. The gay people I know are just regular people, just like everyone else.

Reply 14

j0hn

Speak for yourself, you live an unfulfilling life because you're an unfulfilling person who makes predjudice assumptions and panders to borderline homophobic stereotypes.

Everything that you just said is complete rubbish, some of the worlds most fantastic people are gay and the reason they're fantastic is because they don't allow sexuality to define them. I've never smoked, taken drugs or slept around and one day I'm going to adopt children and lead a fulfilled life because although I didn't choose my sexuality, I did choose to not let it effect my life because it's not a big deal.

Make no mistake, the reason you'll fail in achieving your life goals is not because of the gay community, not because of your sexuality and not because of biology. It's because of you and the choices you make.

Reply 15

username234673

Tell that to my mum!

She's got 5 kids and is the Equality and Diversity manager for a large, national sporting body. She loves her life!

Reply 16

nick4732

The Hilda report, a long term study of gay relationships in Australia found that gay people feel significantly less satisfied with their lives than heterosexuals. As a gay man of almost 60, who has also worked for an LGBT organisation, I have to agree. Most of my gay friends are single and don't want to be. And further afield I meet many very lonely older gay people. Personally, I have never liked the 'gay' community because they have done as much to ostracise their own kind as heterosexuals have. When I realised I was gay, at 12 the only other gay I'd heard a bout was the flaming queen who worked in a local shop. That did my feeling of self worth a lot of good. I found the traditional 'gay liefstyle' empty and vacuous and premised on sex, sex sex, youth, looks and dick size. In fact, I have plenty of gay friends who hide the fact they are lonely or unfulfilled but see great tirumph in having had a thousand partners. Personally, I think finding a lifelong partner, or happiness should be more important than how many sex partners you've had. I think part of the reason gays like to party and pride themselves everywhere is to hide their own emptiness.

However, you can still find purpose and satisfaction in life in the pursuit of other ventures. I live alone but I'm fairly happy and satisfied and I have numerous passions - writing, music, martial arts etc. And of course good friends. Don't see the purpose of life as solely getting a partner because it should be so much more than this.

Reply 17

lucaf

Except you absolutely can have kids, either through adoption or surrogacy. So if (for some weird reason) you think that life is pointless and fulfilling without having kids, that is still irrelevant.

Reply 18

Clevelandman

I am almost 39 and I am experiencing that loneliness now. I am not the only one of my gay peers experiencing that emptiness. The gay life revolves around sex, youth, superficial beauty and cock size. One day, you wake up and you realize that the stuff that has consumed your life has consumed your life. I know of