My Mum goes through my things.

Hi guys,

I just wanted some advice on this situation. I am 20 years old, I live at home with my Mum. I pay her £70 a week to live here.

The thing that's really starting to cause huge arguments is that she goes through my things. She goes through my bedroom, she will open my mail.

I have tried to speak to her about this but she says that it's her house and apparently I am untidy and unorganised, which I am not, I'm just not up to her level of obsessive cleaning that's why she feels the need to go through my things and read my mail. I tidy my bedroom most Sundays, I take my dirty washing downstairs everyday. I'm never really here, I just use my bedroom to sleep in really.

I came home today from work and she had 'tidied' my bedroom but she had stood on and thrown away this box I keep locked on top of my wardrobe, hadn't even looked through to see what was in there. It has loads of old memories in, like letters from old friends, school things, pictures of my Grandad, my Grandad's ring in a box, things that I would like to keep hence why I keep them locked in a box on my wardrobe.

I pretty much snapped, I was SO angry I was crying and she just doesn't seem to care. She laughed at me and told me not to be so stupid. She can't see that she was wrong, then she starts screaming at me and calling me names such as a bitch and a slag.

I would love to move out but I just can't afford it at the moment.

What can I do?

Reply 1

Steezy

15

Absolutely nothing unless you move out. Maybe her aim is to get you to move out?

Reply 2

stargirl63

17

Original post by Anonymous

Hi guys,

I just wanted some advice on this situation. I am 20 years old, I live at home with my Mum. I pay her £70 a week to live here.

The thing that's really starting to cause huge arguments is that she goes through my things. She goes through my bedroom, she will open my mail.

I have tried to speak to her about this but she says that it's her house and apparently I am untidy and unorganised, which I am not, I'm just not up to her level of obsessive cleaning that's why she feels the need to go through my things and read my mail. I tidy my bedroom most Sundays, I take my dirty washing downstairs everyday. I'm never really here, I just use my bedroom to sleep in really.

I came home today from work and she had 'tidied' my bedroom but she had stood on and thrown away this box I keep locked on top of my wardrobe, hadn't even looked through to see what was in there. It has loads of old memories in, like letters from old friends, school things, pictures of my Grandad, my Grandad's ring in a box, things that I would like to keep hence why I keep them locked in a box on my wardrobe.

I pretty much snapped, I was SO angry I was crying and she just doesn't seem to care. She laughed at me and told me not to be so stupid. She can't see that she was wrong, then she starts screaming at me and calling me names such as a bitch and a slag.

I would love to move out but I just can't afford it at the moment.

What can I do?

If you're paying £70 a week, yes you can move out. That is the average price for a shared house really (depends on where you are).

Put a lock on your door.

She sounds nosey and bored.

Reply 3

e_m_i_l_y

4

I have a similar problem, but without the choice of moving out. Advice would also be appreciated.

Reply 4

donutaud15

22

You should move out. Failing that you should both sign lease agreement. That way you have proof that you are a tenant paying rent.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Palewolfe

3

Hey hon,
I am sorry that your mum is doing this to you it obviously isn't easy to have anyone let alone your mum rummaging thru your personal belongings.

I found I had a similar problem with my gran when I stayed with her, the only thing I found was that I got a lock put on my door which meant she could not get into the room and all important documents I kept in a locked storage box.

Also I agree with the previous post which explains you could move out. Do you not have a close friend which you could move in with as £70 a week when paired with half their rent that should be more than adequate.

I really hope things get sorted for you soon x

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by stargirl63

If you're paying £70 a week, yes you can move out. That is the average price for a shared house really (depends on where you are).

Put a lock on your door.

She sounds nosey and bored.

I've looked into shared housing and the cheapest I can find in my area range from £110- £130, which I just can't afford.

Reply 7

Bloxorus

16

She's breaking the law if she opens your mail. If you're paying her to live there then your room is yours and she shouldn't be allowed to do anything in there without your permission.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 8

Katie_p

15

I agree with posters saying draw up a contract.

Threaten to stop paying rent, or even make a chart and decide on a "reduction" for each transgression of hers. Tally it up for two weeks, then show her the chart and how much rent you think you pay based off that - something like £2 reduction for every letter opened, £10 reduction for entering and messing in your room when you're not there.
You're either paying rent and therefore entitled to be treated like it, or you're a kid living with parents and should therefore live rent-free.
From how my mum's been with my sister, I think I might have this problem a bit next year, so I'm going to speak to my mum and dad as soon as I can and agree that it won't happen.

Reply 9

Anonymοοse

10

Opening mail not addressed to you is illegal.

I had the same problem when I was living at home, I wasn't too bothered about junk mail but it did annoy me when my bank statements were opened, I contacted the bank and switched to paperless banking so I stopped receiving statements, I did the same for my phone bill.

Also, put a lock on your door.

Get even

OP

Thanks everyone.

I have mentioned the lock thing and she has told me she doesn't want or like locks on her doors inside the house, due to a fire risk :confused:

.

I was thinking of doing exactly the same to her as what she does to me one day, just go through her room with a black bag and throw all of her important stuff in the bin.

I don't really know what to do :frown:

Reply 12

tania<3

15

Definitely get a lock put on your door. Also your mum calling you a bitch?! That's effed up. I would seriously start looking for a new place to live, or maybe save up money if you can't afford it right now...

edit: just get a carpenter in and do the lock without your mum's permission.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by tania<3

Definitely get a lock put on your door. Also your mum calling you a bitch?! That's effed up. I would seriously start looking for a new place to live, or maybe save up money if you can't afford it right now...

edit: just get a carpenter in and do the lock without your mum's permission.

She's always called me names, I'm kind of used to it.

Reply 14

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks everyone.

I have mentioned the lock thing and she has told me she doesn't want or like locks on her doors inside the house, due to a fire risk :confused:

.

I was thinking of doing exactly the same to her as what she does to me one day, just go through her room with a black bag and throw all of her important stuff in the bin.

I don't really know what to do :frown:

Sorry to hear this. All sounds pretty bad and unreasonable on her part. Have you ever had a better relationship? Why not see if you can invest the money you pay in to moving out instead?

My Mum goes through my things.

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