Girl said that I am "too nice". What to do?

Scroll to see replies

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

Being nice is a good thing, being a spineless sap with no standards, no opinions or ambitions of your own is not. Desperately trying to impress girls is a bad idea. Just be the best version of yourself you can be, and if they don't like it, that's their misfortune. Girls don't want a human puppy dog, they want a man.

Reply 41

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

Nice is good. She just didn't have the balls to give you the real reason

Posted from TSR Mobile

"too nice" is just a code for "boring and asexual".

Reply 42

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

"too nice" is just a code for "boring and asexual".

Not true.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 43

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

Not true.

Posted from TSR Mobile

True.

Reply 44

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

True.

I have a girlfriend that proves otherwise.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 45

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

I have a girlfriend that proves otherwise.

Posted from TSR Mobile

How so?

Reply 46

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

How so?

Because she likes that trait

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 47

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

Because she likes that trait

Posted from TSR Mobile

She likes that you're boring and asexual?

Reply 48

ringlet

everyone saying that the girl didn't have the balls to say the reason: did the OP tell the girl he likes her? No. she just said he's too nice, implying that he lets himself be walked all over, which is a pretty valid comment.

OP, if being nice is really the kind of person you are, then you shouldn't change - being nice is a good trait (although being too nice will lead to people taking advantage of you). However, if you're being 'too nice' to just women you like and expecting something from them in return from this, then you really aren't a nice guy.

Btw. Friendzone doesn't exist. Women are allowed to not be attracted to you, and just be friends with you. They don't judge everyone they meet as a potential partner and 'zone' them accordingly. Sometimes they just want to be friends.

Reply 49

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

She likes that you're boring and asexual?

No. She likes that I'm really nice

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 50

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

No. She likes that I'm really nice

Posted from TSR Mobile

That's not the same as TOO nice then is it. Christ man, try to keep up with the conversation. She's clearly not attracted by your reading and comprehension skills.

Reply 51

Yeah dude

Original post by cole-slaw

That's not the same as TOO nice then is it. Christ man, try to keep up with the conversation. She's clearly not attracted by your reading and comprehension skills.

Let me play some smoooooth jazz as you mellow out

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 52

cole-slaw

Original post by Yeah dude

Let me play some smoooooth jazz as you mellow out

I don't like jazz, I like aggressive metal

Reply 53

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

That's not the same as TOO nice then is it. Christ man, try to keep up with the conversation. She's clearly not attracted by your reading and comprehension skills.

No need to spit your dummy out. Besides she has said multiple times that I'm too kind

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 54

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

No need to spit your dummy out. Besides she has said multiple times that I'm too kind

Posted from TSR Mobile

Well either she is just being polite, in which case its not the same thing that OP is being told, or you ARE too kind, in which case that is something you need to work on before she gets bored of it.

Reply 55

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

Well either she is just being polite, in which case its not the same thing that OP is being told, or you ARE too kind, in which case that is something you need to work on before she gets bored of it.

I don't give two squirts of jizz whether I'm too kind or not. I'm not the one who has to put up with me so it ain't my problem.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 56

cole-slaw

Original post by Andy98

I don't give two squirts of jizz whether I'm too kind or not. I'm not the one who has to put up with me so it ain't my problem.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Well that's a healthy attitude to take into a relationship.

Reply 57

Andy98

Original post by cole-slaw

Well that's a healthy attitude to take into a relationship.

Yup

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 58

CJKay

Original post by Emily.97

Why do you think it's a weakness to be "too nice"? Can there ever be a too nice?
It's a shame that you obviously care about what this person thinks of you so much that you're willing to change. No-one close to you should make you feel that way.. and i dont understand why being "too" nice is something to be altered.
Maybe its a communication issue. Did she say it in a light hearted way and youre overthinking it?

There's nothing wrong with it, but OP isn't exactly going to attract women en masse with it, and obviously his goal here is to attract her.

Reply 59

Emily.97

Original post by CJKay

There's nothing wrong with it, but OP isn't exactly going to attract women en masse with it, and obviously his goal here is to attract her.

There's nothing wrong with what?
Maybe he does want her to be attracted to her..but thats not an excuse to change the way you behave or who you are for someone.

Its unfair to make a generalised comment that "women" wont be attracted to this.