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^^^ my feelings just now (:
The worst feeling ever ever ever is when the friends you have supported for so long no longer believe you can sort your problems out.
Tyvm dear, can I just say I have hidden my tears more than once the past 2 years just so you can feel like everything is possible. I did the world to cheer you up because are my ****ing friend and I wanted to help you when you needed, I really wanted to. Really really.
And then you ****ing know what happened to me and at 1st you were there for me all the time and I won't Forget about it because it helped a lot and I owe you there. That's why you're never gonna know how I feel rn because of you, unless you'd be upset, and I don't want you to be upset because you're my friend. Are you ?
And ffs when I went to that doctor for the 1st time you were there to support me and then after a few appointments I was very tired of all of this and It was not my fault and i've tried to be normal and to ****ing hide my pain but I could not. You got bored of supporting me. Why. Why please. I've never given up on you.
After months and months I's started to get better and I thought everthing would be like usual again, but It was not. It's not my fault. It's not.
I'm sorry. I can't. I promised a lot and when I'll achieve all of what I promised - because I still owe you my friend, I still do - I'm gonna get the hell out of here in a place in which no one knows my face so I can start again and no one would ever be Sorry for me again.
I'm gonna go to a place in which people would not be bored of supporting me because I'd have sorted all of this ****. And no one, ever ever ever ever ever again, will promise me a void.
Phew. Sorry needed to vent