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Girls, is it bad if I'm a bit old fashioned?

In psychological terms it could be considered a form of benevolent sexism.

I have to admit, that kind of special treatment makes me feel a little bit cringe-worthy.

If you hold doors open for people regardless of their sex, ****ing fab! If you refrain from swearing in front of people regardless of their sex, completely charming and sweet. But I don't like the thought of a guy only altering his behaviour for women.

I like it when guys are polite and sweet full stop. But when guys only behave like that to women, it makes me a little uneasy sometimes.

Reply 21

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Twinpeaks

In psychological terms it could be considered a form of benevolent sexism.

I have to admit, that kind of special treatment makes me feel a little bit cringe-worthy.

If you hold doors open for people regardless of their sex, ****ing fab! If you refrain from swearing in front of people regardless of their sex, completely charming and sweet. But I don't like the thought of a guy only altering his behaviour for women.

I like it when guys do are polite and sweet full stop. But when guys only behave like that to women, it makes me a little uneasy sometimes.

:/ but why? I piss in front of my mates, would you be okay with a guy pissing in front of you? what's wrong with special treatment?

Reply 22

Florescence

4

Honestly, it's all in the way that it's done. If you opened a door for me and paid for the first date in a way that suggested girls shouldn't be able to do these things, then there would be a problem. If you're doing it to be nice, then I wouldn't mind it at all, I'd probably be flattered.

Reply 23

Anonymous #3

I think all this is v nice tbh. I would really appreciate that. I think these gestures are just good manners. I am a feminist but slightly old fashioned too. I would like a guy to pay for a first date but splitting for the rest. Holding doors etc, I dont think thats a big deal. I think thats just good ettiquette. Hold doors for boys and girls.

Reply 24

supernerdural

15

it depends on whether you're condescending about it. the only one i have a real issue with is not swearing in front of women, because then you're editing your speech and personality and not being honest. if i see you not holding doors for everyone i'm gonna think you're pretty rude though

Reply 25

username2768016

2

I think that's all sweet, apart from the fact you don't hold doors open for guys too.

If there are two women and a man walking behind you, do you seriously slam the door in the poor man's face?

TBH, not all men should be macho. Not all men should be feminine. We're all equal and diverse. But you should respect your fellow man.

Reply 26

bikiniikilll

9

Nope it's not bad. I find it really sweet.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 27

username47781

20

Still quite a few girls out there who like this sort of thing.

Reply 28

Lunch@Tiffany

3

Original post by Anonymous

I'm old fashioned in some ways. I open doors for girls (but not guys), I pull chairs for my date (formal dates!), I'm far more polite to girls than to guys (e.g. I rarely cuss in front of girls), I'd rather I pay for the first date, etc. All the things girls are supposed to hate nowadays. Now, I've never had a girl tell me they dislike those things mainly because as you can see, it's mostly how I act around them. It doesn't require of them to act in a certain manner. But I've read online that many girls hate some of those things because they're sexist.

Please don't change, there's a big difference between being a true gent or a sexist. I mean, I'd open the door as a polite gesture to anyone (I don't see how gender matters here), but everything else just seems like good manners to me. Most girls should (and would) appreciate and acknowledge these tiny details.

Reply 29

username471863

19

I would never insist that a guy treats me like that certainly wouldn't expect it but there is nothing wrong with a guy doing this out of his own accord. My last date was very gentlemanly like that and I found him to be an absolute charmer.

Reply 30

Ella-keturah

9

I think you should open doors for men and women, it's just polite. I find it's usually women who just walk straight through without even saying thank you, so rude.
Anyway, it's not a bad thing.

Reply 31

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by supernerdural

it depends on whether you're condescending about it. the only one i have a real issue with is not swearing in front of women, because then you're editing your speech and personality and not being honest. if i see you not holding doors for everyone i'm gonna think you're pretty rude though

I'm not editing anything, it comes naturally. Exactly how you'd not speak in a certain way to your parents. You don't edit not to talk about sexual stuff in front of your grandparents. You just don't. Well, I just don't swear in front of the ladies.

There's a difference between holding the door and offering to open the door for a girl I'm with.

Reply 32

TruthBeTold'

1

By old fashioned you mean

BETA PROVIDER

Reply 33

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by TruthBeTold'

By old fashioned you mean

BETA PROVIDER

Funny.

Reply 34

TruthBeTold'

1

Original post by Anonymous

Funny.

ok

Reply 35

username1726117

14

The right girl will appreciate it, mate. :smile:

Reply 36

It's****ingWOODY

20

Original post by Twinpeaks

In psychological terms it could be considered a form of benevolent sexism.

I have to admit, that kind of special treatment makes me feel a little bit cringe-worthy.

If you hold doors open for people regardless of their sex, ****ing fab! If you refrain from swearing in front of people regardless of their sex, completely charming and sweet. But I don't like the thought of a guy only altering his behaviour for women.

I like it when guys are polite and sweet full stop. But when guys only behave like that to women, it makes me a little uneasy sometimes.

...and this kind of all-too-present thinking in today's society, ladies, is why romance is dead - because, being a gentleman, is dead.

Reply 37

samina_ay

18

Yay, chivalry is alive

Reply 38

quiverapple

3

That's a little over-sensitive a reaction that if males hold the door for me it's sexist; if women hold the door for me, they're looking out for me? I mean, yes, I have hands and I can open the door for myself - though most times I prefer not to because of door handle have germs (hahahaha!). I have legs too, but sometimes I enjoy not walking out and grab food and have it delivered to me.

Someone on here mentioned politeness as something that you learn and not intuitive - of course this is a generalisation. Sometimes we learn that intuition by observing others. When people are rude to each other, we cringe. When people are polite to each other, we smile. It's really that simple.

Of course, worse comes to worst, be honest and ask if doing such things were being offensive to someone. Because honestly, if you're standing much closer to the door, by all means - open the damn door, please, for me.